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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Valid reasons to leave your partner after less than 2 years marriage.
Q. Some of you may remember my posts in the past. Well the good news is that we have been getting along well and building our future together. Bit there are two big pressures that I face on a continual basis. The first is the fact that I am expect...
A. 15 April 2013: She wants she wants she WANTS
what Do you want other than to continue to be shackled to this abusive woman?
I think YOU should stop taking her threats to divorce you and call her bluff and kick her out and divorce her.
how's that for st... (read in full...)
My husband is ill and no longer interested in sex. Help!
Q. My husband has a lot of issues with his heart and lungs (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). He's only 66 but acts like 80! He does not want me to show him any interest in sex or anything and acts like he wants to give it all up. help! ...
A. 15 April 2013: with COPD I would imagine his primary goal is to BREATHE and getting aroused and having sex is hard on the heart and lungs.
If he's that concerned and you have spoken to his doctor together and he's been cleared for sex, and he's still not in... (read in full...)
How do I stop loving this mean manipulative man? I have to see him almost every day
Q. My boyfriend of three yrs recently broke up with me and we have a daufhter together. This man is mean and manipulative but i still love him. I dont know why i would love someone who calls me names and hurts me because he doesnt love me back anymore. ...
A. 15 April 2013: w2hy do you have to see him almost every day?
even when my babies were little I did not have to see their dad daily.... and if it's for drop offs for visitation can you enlist a family member such as a grandparent to help?
I assume he lef... (read in full...)
What should I read into her comment?
Q. Ok, So I was seeing this girl which I worked with for a while, we started just running together after work, which lead to us sleeping together and going out, dinners, concerts etc. She has children but she had them at an early age, I wanted t...
A. 15 April 2013: I thank my husband for taking out the trash and he thinks that's weird because it's his job. But some folks just say thank you for things that don't require it.
I would not read anything into it at all.... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out? Or is the age difference too much?
Q. So a bit of a random question, I have moved offices at work and now am at a office closer to home. Of which is next to a bakery.. over the past few months I have been in for my lunch and have met a nice young girl, who seems nice and has a nice ...
A. 15 April 2013: I don't see a problem.
find out her name so you can call her by her name... at 18 I would hope this is a part time job and she's in school.... so ask questions... does she like her job, does she go to school....
after a few more visi... (read in full...)
I like a girl who seems more affluent than me?
Q. There's a girl I really like. I met her working with her last summer at a summer job. She seems pretty nice and sweet and thinks I'm every bit as such and we chat on Facebook every once in a while (not frequently), we get along fine and she's ...
A. 15 April 2013: I think you are way over thinking this.... she's not local and that's a bigger hurdle than social class.
I grew up upper middle class and never wanted for anything... I went to college with no loans and was able to have my son go through ... (read in full...)
We tried to have sex for the first time but it wouldn't fit!
Q. Hello I think I'm not the first one to have this issue, but i couldn't calm down from all I've seen on the Internet. Last night, my boyfriend and I tried having sex for the first time. It was my first time, well I don't know if this ...
A. 15 April 2013: no one is happy with the first time image and dream vs the reality.
keep trying
keep being relaxed
keep being lubed and remember half the fun is trying
laughter in the bedroom is perfectly ok... if you laugh at yourself or you laugh w... (read in full...)
How do I let this older man know I am interested without screwing things up?
Q. I have recently found myself being really attracted to a man I have got to know through social media. We have a lot in common, share lots of interests and there is an age gap of about 20 years. How do I let this man know I am interested without ...
A. 15 April 2013: if he's local then push him... he's probably feeling like a dirty old man as a 20 year gap is pretty big... I myself am an older partner to someone 13 years younger than I am and for me that' plenty to make me feel old.
If he is single and i... (read in full...)
Married for nearly nine years, together with my wife for eleven and a half years and I've fallen for a 20 yr old girl
Q. Hi, I have been married for nearly nine years and together with my wife for eleven and half years. Recently the marriage has been going through a lull and I fell for a 20 yr old girl. We get on really well and cant stop wanting to be together...
A. 15 April 2013: “they know about each other and have both threatened suicide”
WOW at least we know you have a type. DRAMA QUEEN! Neither of them will commit sucicide and if you are truly worried about whichever one you leave in the dust you can report i... (read in full...)
I'm falling for my boyfriends father!
Q. I'm 15 years old about to be 16 and I used to date this boy that is now 19. We broke up because he wasn't in a stable environment at the moment. We still remain extremely good friends, though. We talk almost everyday. Now, I don't know what has ...
A. 15 April 2013: At 15 a19 yr old is too old for you much less his father.
you need an explanation as to why you feel this way... because you do. there really isn't a good reason to explain attractions. usually they just ARE what they are.
the key is ... (read in full...)
"To go or not to go" that is my question?
Q. I've always gotten solid reliable from you guys, I expect nothing less. I work in a very small office..38-43 folks. I'm mid 50s, blessed with good genes, high metabolism, very active, bikes to work everyday rain, shine, snow, etc., you get the pict...
A. 15 April 2013: If there is a general farewell luncheon being thrown for a co-worker and the entire office is invited, if you normally attend such functions, then yes you should go.
If the only reason you would not attend is her age, then that's rather s... (read in full...)
Is it possible for 34 year old man be interested in 26 year old woman? I am separated with 3 children.
Q. Ok so I'm a 26 year old single mom of three young kids. I've been seperated from my husband for a year and a half, we need to save money for a divorce. Anyways i jus met a 34 year old man about 2 weeks ago but only been talking for a week. i me...
A. 15 April 2013: POT KETTLE BLACK OP!
you were in a bar with your ex that alone would be enough to put anyone off on wanting to get to know you better.
... (read in full...)
Am I a sugardaddy or is possible for a relationship with a woman 20+ younger than me?
Q. what are your opinions of an older man getting with a younger girl and getting her pregnant? i met a girl who is 20+ years younger than me. we have talked and not having any children of my own, she said she is in love with me and will have a baby ...
A. 13 April 2013: OP you do realize that you have given your wife grounds to render you NO LONGER WELL OFF.
A long term marriage where you have committed the acts of adultery and abandonment will net her a nice chunk of your well off funds and possibly your pen... (read in full...)
I just want to be friends! Guys how do I turn you off FOREVER!; without gaining 100lb, sacrificing looks, nor getting really hairy?
Q. I'm studying computer engineering so it's ALL GUYS and I'm not a hermit or anything, so I try to make friends. And I LIKE having friends I can talk to about nerdy things like Linux and UNIX, I mean, most other people don't get it. But the guys A...
A. 13 April 2013: I don't believe you are the only woman says the IT specialist who's team is more women then men....
you can't stop how others feel.
if you really want them to stop hitting on you, wear a wedding ring.... it won't stop all of them, but it wil... (read in full...)
Is she telling me the truth? Or is she withholding some details? Having trouble trusting if her version is true.
Q. We were both 16 when we met. When I first noticed her, I NEVER thought she would smoke or drink. To my surprise, she told me she started smoking at the age of 12 (social smoker) and went to club and pub at the age of 15. That happened before ...
A. 13 April 2013: was this before she met you or after she started dating you?
because if it was before she met you why does it matter?... (read in full...)
Orgasm question
Q. Do you think there is such a thing as an orgasm that *requires* BOTH gspot and clitoris stimulation?? I ask because I've heard of females having either a clitoris orgasm or a vaginal orgasm. I've tried having just a vaginal orgasm or just a...
A. 13 April 2013: there are weak orgasms and there are strong orgasms
some women sadly never have any orgasms.
there are no clitoral vs vaginal orgasms. All orgasms for men generate from the same place SAME as women... remember we all start out as the sam... (read in full...)
We can never see each other because my boyfriend is always in trouble!
Q. I just wanna know what's the point of being in a relationship if we can't see each other. Me and my boyfriend been going out for 9 months and he's 16 and I'm 17. He's always on punishment and getting his phone taken, he lives with his dad and he's ...
A. 13 April 2013: well since you have no way of getting in touch with him you have to wait till he contacts you... and to be honest I'm not sure why after 3 months of not seeing him you call him anything other than a friend.
I'm not even seeing why you have to ... (read in full...)
Every time we have an argument its always my fault according to him!
Q. My partner and I are having a rough patch, "Bob" says it'd because I am needy and I always want more than he can give. He's 28, I'm 22. I have two children, not his, but he loves them like his own. He says I need to have no expectations of him and ...
A. 13 April 2013: Wow you really think that "He says I need to have no expectations of him" is an acceptable statement from a grown man?
Honey he's no boyfriend. He's not a partner, he's not worth the anguish.
next time he leaves let him go. then change... (read in full...)
My husband's friend is coming on to me
Q. I have a big problem and don't know how to handle it. My husband's best friend is putting his moves on me, I don't know what to Do, I already keep my distance but he finds ways to talk to me, he knows exactly how I feel but he doesn't stop harassing ...
A. 13 April 2013: I know that you are afraid of what your husband may do to this creep but honey I'd tell him.
"baby you need to know your friend is not such a friend.... and I'm really afraid that you will want to kill him when I tell you what a dog he's been bu... (read in full...)
He has been texting my ex pretending to be me
Q. A year into our relationship, My boyfriend found out I was seeing someone when we first started dating. I had been seeing this other person for a year and although I liked him he didnt want a relationship. we were more like FWB , i stopped seeing ...
A. 13 April 2013: you lied
he's over reacting
I don't think couples counseling is going to help to be honest.
IF he threw you out... go with dignity... does not mean it's totally over but he needs to cool down before you two can really talk. He may or ... (read in full...)
Why did this guy change? We used to be so close!
Q. I am so confused as to what i have done i am lost. Before i use to like that 46year old , he was protective, caring would defend me at work, was my main support and we use to flirt so much. Every one noticed and we was just tight i fell for him. ...
A. 13 April 2013: The problem is that as long as he was married he felt safe to flirt with you at work. Now that the safety net of his wife is gone, and he's actually potentially available for a relationship his true colors show and he is not interested and the ... (read in full...)
Age difference
Q. I like this girl and really looking forward into having a relationship with her.I am an Egyptian and she is a tourist so i think i can do a lot for her to see my country like taking her to the red sea,watching the sunset from the pyramids,cinemas ...
A. 13 April 2013: you like her but you don't know much about her...
do you have a crush on her perhaps and have said hello and smiled and that's it?
she's not a "tourist" she's a student... so if she's living there she's probably familiar with many thing... (read in full...)
We can never see each other because my boyfriend is always in trouble!
Q. I just wanna know what's the point of being in a relationship if we can't see each other. Me and my boyfriend been going out for 9 months and he's 16 and I'm 17. He's always on punishment and getting his phone taken, he lives with his dad and he's ...
A. 13 April 2013: and the ONLY way to contact each other is by HIS PHONE?
what there are no landlines in his house? he sees no friends at school with phones? he has no access to a public phone?
where the is a will there is a way. your boyfriend either... (read in full...)
Is sex really ruined when a man has to pull out?
Q. Because of a medical condition, I do not use contraception such as the pill or injection etc. My doctor many years ago taught me how to calculate my fertile days etc which has worked perfectly for many years. My ex and I used this method fine for ...
A. 12 April 2013: OP I too have a chronic illness and I too have had my husband wipe my ass when I was unable to. My husband is a total jerk about many things but he knows way better than to disregard my need for proper treatment and respect.
he does not like to ... (read in full...)
I need feedback from others who have opened up their marriage
Q. My husband and I have a good marriage and communication about our needs and fantasies. My husband first suggested for me to experience another man. At first I it was an instant NO, this was years, years ago. We however talked about it and fantasize ...
A. 12 April 2013: I'm here.
Fantasies are fine and can truly enhance and spice up a sex life.
Actually bringing other people into your bed is more problematic than it is worth the fun.
And what's even worse is you have a particular person in mind and... (read in full...)
I don't trust my former friend around my boyfriend
Q. There is a girl who I knew for a while who I've always been suspicious of because she use to always tell me about all of these guys she has been with and how she cheated on them and use to always say she could get and steal any guy she wanted. ...
A. 12 April 2013: If you truly trust your boyfriend then her intentions do not matter.
She could dance the hootcie-koo naked in front of him and as long as he's totally committed to you, then it won't be an issue at all.
Men can only be "stolen" when they want t... (read in full...)
My supervisor flirts with me but I just found out he is gay!
Q. I have a supervisor at my job who always seems like he is flirting, I mean he will come stand me and starts singing songs, asking me dumb questions, and trying to joke with me like guys normally would do if they are trying to get a girls attention. ...
A. 12 April 2013: Maybe he's just friendly and you find him attractive enough that you would date him so you interpret his "moves" as flirting but they are merely friendly overtures?... (read in full...)
Is this love without him saying those 3 little words?
Q. My baby always tells me that he cares for me " just so much" but has never said he loves me. He's a Capricorn and has said in the past that he a man who will show love when in love opposed to JUS saying it right out. He's also said that he's going ...
A. 12 April 2013: his sign has no bearing on it... don't let him off that easily.
my husband RARELY tells me he loves me. some men (and women) just don't say it. the key is my hubby told me even before we fell in love... "I do not and will not and cannot s... (read in full...)
Boyfriend mocks me and now I'm so self conscious!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3.5 years is always mocking me whenever we go out (like i look like an ape, or i look at him like a dog,....), its hurting me and i told him several times not to do it, but he always does. Nowadays i feel very self-conscious e...
A. 12 April 2013: ok so he's so cruel as to not care about your feelings and he clearly does not love you or want to make you feel good about yourself.
you can't fix him you can only fix yourself.
and the best way to do that is love yourself enough to not ... (read in full...)
How can I rekindle the love we had?
Q. Me and my ex have been broken up for ten months after a ten month relationship. He was finalizing his divorce and making sure that it was over with his ex. We are now talking again and i would like to get things back, he is leary. He is coming arou...
A. 12 April 2013: He is not saying he WAS confused he's saying he IS confused... still?
I would not rekindle love or a relationship till he's no longer confused.... (read in full...)
Has he ruined me?
Q. Dear Anyone Over 2 yrs ago I started a relationship with a man of a very dominating religion. It was no problem for him to `see' me as he was never serious about me, in fact it was so he could try to obtain his visa and convert me. It is now...
A. 12 April 2013: Who cares what men of a certain religion think.
maybe you are doing it to keep all men at bay?
I don't think you are truly healed yet....
I can't see why anyone would blame YOU?
the fact that you think we would blame YOU is enough f... (read in full...)
PMS wife, Tired of being married to a shewolf!
Q. I've been married for five and a half years, and as far as I can remember my wife has had some pretty vicious PMS. Growing up my mom never did so maybe that's why I never figured out how to deal with it as a man. Previous relationships we...
A. 12 April 2013: 27 out of 30 days? so for three days she's horrid..
yeah it can be frustrating but I know my "cranky" was more like 10 days including the weight gain and soreness... cranky maybe 5-8 days.
one thing I know is I was told to avoid all su... (read in full...)
Divorced wife entitled to 50% of assets, I don't have a property?
Q. My American wife, she is white, filled for divorce lawsuit in the US and we got married in Pakistan. So can claim 50% property in case court give decision in her favor? I don't have any property in my name but she does and she is the one asking for ...
A. 12 April 2013: If you were not married long then it will not be an issue.
Divorce laws are different state by state here in the USA so you need to contact a divorce lawyer from the state where she filed the lawsuit to get a better answer.
but I can tel... (read in full...)
How can I know that I'm not going to get repeatedly hurt by this guy?
Q. I know what I want, I've been in and out of relationships for years and I know that this time what I'm feeling is real, I didn't want to have feelings for this guy but I did. The problem is I'm worried his feelings aren't real. I'm his first real ...
A. 12 April 2013: you can't know but I will tell you I asked once if Love brings the other person to love you...
to this day I do not know which one of us loved first me or my hubby.... he says it's me but I think it was him...
the only thing you can do is ... (read in full...)
Anxiety attacks. How can I get my Dad to understand that anxiety is a real condition?
Q. I suffer from high anxiety, and have for a while now. It is mostly related to the stress of college and academics. I also occasionally get panic attacks. I have suffered in my grades because of this, but I am doing my best. It's a process, and I'm...
A. 12 April 2013: Ah so you are getting help! GOOD!
could your doctor/therapist have a session with dad to get him out of this old school mindset?... (read in full...)
Is sex really ruined when a man has to pull out?
Q. Because of a medical condition, I do not use contraception such as the pill or injection etc. My doctor many years ago taught me how to calculate my fertile days etc which has worked perfectly for many years. My ex and I used this method fine for ...
A. 12 April 2013: I can't improve on what C.Grant or Cerberus and Mrs Cerberus have said... therefore I'm adding my one line to this
DUMP HIM it is for him all about HIM and his needs and his pleasure... ... (read in full...)
I felt betrayed when I found out my girlfriend had told me I was her first boyfriend but I wasn't!
Q. Alright so this is going to be kiiinnndd of a weird question. It's water under the bridge now, but I just want to see if my reaction to my girlfriend a while ago was reasonable. So here goes: My gf and I are in 10th grade in high school. All the ...
A. 12 April 2013: NO it was NOT an acceptable way for you to react. You were over the top with your reaction and you were incorrect in you assumptions that the first time for anything is the most special one. It’s not. You made her sick. You made her cry. ... (read in full...)
My unemployed boyfriend has HIV, but I still love him
Q. Hi 3 years ago my boyfriend told me he had HIV. I respected him and we went to the clinic and used condoms. His HIV was well under control. We've had some wonderful sex, however he kept it secret, and fell out with me for no apparent reason ...
A. 12 April 2013: Dear Maryv, You give us a list of things… rather disjointed and all over the place with NO clear question… just a bunch of statements. I’m going to guess your implication is that you want to know what we would do…. Well if it was ME I’d star... (read in full...)
PMS wife, Tired of being married to a shewolf!
Q. I've been married for five and a half years, and as far as I can remember my wife has had some pretty vicious PMS. Growing up my mom never did so maybe that's why I never figured out how to deal with it as a man. Previous relationships we...
A. 12 April 2013: If she is aware she gets it, has she spoken to her OB/GYN about it... there are treatments. If it's so severe and includes severe physical symptoms she may have a more severe form of PMS called PMDD I used to suffer PMDD as a young woman (a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend blew me off to hang out at a strip club
Q. Well.. Simply put. I'm leaving to go back home tomorrow and I'll be gone for a few weeks. Our friends are in town though and I wanted him to get some time with them so I said he could go out, and he promised to be home by 10 at the latest so we ...
A. 12 April 2013: does he lose track of time when he's out and about with his friends? why is his friend texting you and telling you what's going on with him and not just saying.. "dude did you realize how late it is you promised her you would be home?" some... (read in full...)
Who hurts more in a break up?
Q. Who hurts more in the long run? The dumper or dumpee ...
A. 12 April 2013: I've always hurt in a breakup. the one who loves least sets the relationship and even when you dump someone it' hurts the one that hurt the most for me was being dumped by someone I loved more than anyone I have ever loved. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for 34 year old man be interested in 26 year old woman? I am separated with 3 children.
Q. Ok so I'm a 26 year old single mom of three young kids. I've been seperated from my husband for a year and a half, we need to save money for a divorce. Anyways i jus met a 34 year old man about 2 weeks ago but only been talking for a week. i me...
A. 12 April 2013: OP sounds to me like you have it under control
You just had to get past the younger man older woman issue.
folks that are NOT older women do not get the societal pressure we as older women feel.... older men do not get it, as it's expected... (read in full...)
Anxiety attacks. How can I get my Dad to understand that anxiety is a real condition?
Q. I suffer from high anxiety, and have for a while now. It is mostly related to the stress of college and academics. I also occasionally get panic attacks. I have suffered in my grades because of this, but I am doing my best. It's a process, and I'm...
A. 11 April 2013: what does your doctor say to you about this?
because unless you are in treatment with a professional for your anxiety (therapy and medication) then I'm with dad and Sageoldguy....
An adult would be working with a medical professional and a t... (read in full...)
Is it possible for 34 year old man be interested in 26 year old woman? I am separated with 3 children.
Q. Ok so I'm a 26 year old single mom of three young kids. I've been seperated from my husband for a year and a half, we need to save money for a divorce. Anyways i jus met a 34 year old man about 2 weeks ago but only been talking for a week. i me...
A. 11 April 2013: Yeah sure it's possible.
When my husband was 26 I was 39....
the issue is that just because he's OLDER does not mean he's mature. It does not mean he's not just looking for fun and games... do not make the assumption that he's int... (read in full...)
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