A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Apologies in advance for this, but equally thank you for reading. I have asked questions on here before and was refreshed by the advice and answers I received.I'm not entirely sure what my question is, or if it can be put into just one question but I'll just write everything down. I'm 19 years old and live with my partner of 2 years. Everything has been fine with me for this last year or so, more than fine, in fact I've never been happier. I have a lovely partner, lovely home and am studying towards a degree. But recently, partly due to my studies being in working with children, I have been reflecting upon my own self and own past, and have worried myself a bit. I have no contact with my family. I cut off my parents, grandparents and siblings over a year ago, after being emotionally abused by my parents for years. After finally summoning up the courage I left, and tried to put it behind me. But in recent months I have found out that I was also physically abused by my mother as a small child on at least 2 occasions, and I am also concerned that I have no memories at all before I was about 8 years old.I feel like I may have blocked something out, and it worries me as to what that could be.Whilst going through the last traumatic couple of years with my family, I volunteered a lot with youth work organisations and became friends with a male youth worker. He was my youth worker as well as a colleague. We became very close friends, and I became to depend on him heavily. I was incredibly involved emotionally with him, and he seemed to be the only person in my world to care at all about me. I didn't see it at the time, but I now realise that he was grooming me. He did attempt to initiate sex with me, as well as wanting to exchange intimate photos with him. I didn't do it, and have recently found out he did the same thing to 2 other girls, so I feel guilty about that too.I suppose my question is; do you feel I'm being melodramatic? I have been considering going to see a counselor to talk about all this stuff but I don't want to waste their time. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, so should I just suck it up and move on? I have trust issues, and want to know what I can't remember from my childhood, but don't know if it's worth trying to dredge up the past. This seems to be all I can think about at the minute, do you think I should talk to someone professionally, or just leave it all alone?Thank you so very much for your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's been reported to the authorities and nothing was done to him. He lost his job but that was it. Everyone knew what he had done but the police would not do anything. And now I have heard that he is doing it again. It breaks my heart that nobody believed us, but I don't see what else I can do concerning this, other than attempt to move forward. I'm not an angry person usually, but I find of late I am so full of rage, and this confuses and scares me. Perhaps talking to someone would help. Thank you for your replies
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 OP, by all means work with a trained counselor to deal with your issues. there is no crime in this. It's hard to work with someone to recover memories but it may not need what you need to do... you may need to find out how to move past your history and be functional in this world now without guilt (you have no need to be guilty about anything that happened to you as a child) and your mistrust.
My bigger concern is your male youth worker... he attempted to groom you (congrats on being strong and wise enough to resist him) and he's done it to two other young women. I would be reporting him to the authorities (if he's tried at least 3 times he won't know who reported him so don't worry about retribution and report him anonymously). Once you report him, you should not have any guilt over what happened with him as it was not your fault and you have done what you needed to do to protect other young girls.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Hi, I too have a troubled past and have cut contact with some family members. No I dont think you are being melodramatic. And I know exactly how you feel about bringing up the past and being conscious of people not feeling sorry for you. I feel that way all the time and often don't talk about my past because I don't want pity. And I've also learned to cope with my past and do just fine without thinking about it and often feel bogged down bringing up memories I don't care to think about. I dont want to discourage you but I've been to several therapists and I've never felt like they helped me. You know they always say the same thing, "let go of the past and move forward, blah blah blah." And oftentimes it's not the answer I'm looking for...but I don't know what is either. I think you should see a therapist, though, because maybe your experience will be more helpful than mine. I mean they are still in business for a reason. They will certainly reaffirm everything you already know which is why you made a choice to cut contact with your family. But sometimes that reaffirmation is good to hear. I would shop around and find one that deals specifically with your situation. Maybe one who does hypnosis and can help you recover the memory you blocked out. Therapists are there to help you and will probably only suggest things that they feel will help, not hinder you. So if a therapist feels that unblocking your repressed memories will help you, then he or she will suggest it. If they don't think it will help, they'll not mention it and instead provide other guidance for you to cope. But yeah I think you should try it. Feel better. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Skittledelight +, writes (4 April 2013):
Dear writer,I would seriously consider talking about this with a trained counselor. I know you said you don't want to 'bother' anybody with your problems, but they're obviously bothering you so why should you have to deal with it alone?These past experiences have obviously made you uneasy and given you the trust issues you have spoken about. Without trust and understanding a person can never truly live their life without fear, and fear is what stops us from going forward. It effects every choice we make, even if we don't recognise it at the time.You've obviously tried to go forward by having the guts and the responsibility of moving in with your partner, and trying to make everything work. Moving away from your family was probably a hard step too, I applaud you for having the stones to do it and leave yourself vulnerable. But it's still hurting you on the inside to not know what truly happened when you were little, and to live with the memories of abuse and breaking of trust that you DO have. Often the painful things we harbour from our childhood only continue to hurt us as adults, and it's wise to speak with someone about it and 'air out the room' as it were. Get it off your chest and unload. As professionals they will be able to give you sound advice on what to do next. Your problem isn't mediocre or silly and as it's really bothering you then you are right to want to do something about it.As for your lost childhood memories, that's up to you. Do you think it would give you closure if you unlock them, or would it open up a horrid can of worms that will only poison where they touch? A therapist will help you figure this out. There is absolutely no shame in self-reflection, it only makes us grow as adults.
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