A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles,ive talked to you all in the past a few times, and im having a problem. my ex still insists on bringing me my alimony, not mail me a check, or money order. he claims its easier and cheaper.i dont complain about it because hell im getting it, its like pulling teeth though i always have to text him on the day that he is suppose to bring it to me. he either says he will be at my job after work or he will bring it the next day. this is causing stress to me, because he has done this on more than one occasion, and he has even stopped payment on which i had to take him to court over. now if this was the only thing it would be ok. BUT when he brings me the money i hear how old he is, how he has his son coming in so many weeks and he has nothing for it. how sick he is or how sick he has been, how his future wife is fighting with her mother 24/7. how his future mohter in law is a b***h, how he needs to move out from there but cant afford it. and the list goes on and on. he knows i care very deeply about him still, and i sometimes wonder if he is playing me. wanting me to say oh im so sorry dont worry about paying me alimony keep it for the baby, and for yourself, move out and get a place. i believe he has plenty of money he just needs that extra. i feel guilty, and sorry for him. but when i think about everything, she does not work and yeah she is pregnant, but i worked when i was pregnant why cant she?if it is so bad dont you think that she should get up off her lazy butt and help provide? and why dont he tell her all of his woes and aches. she is half my age and staying at home. can someone tell me how i go about fixing this problem, so that i can heal better, because having to see him twice a month hurts.... just for a few and i begin to go on. nothing like it used to be. i dont have much money to spend on a lawyer to take him back to court, and i dont know if i can seeing is how he is paying me. i cant be rude to him, im not that type of person, I can't be rude to anyone. ive always been the one to care about others more than myself, and when i get angry and want to say things i get very sick and shake. thanks in advance for your opinions, i value them alot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): so very confused, i am recieving alimony for five years, because he cheated on me with the now pregnant feince after twenty one years of marriage, he asked me to quit my job making 2k a month to take care of him and the house and when i did it wasnt even a month after that that i caught him cheating, which he denied. i took him to court, and got a divorce, yes i am working now part time. i make below poverty level, and it took me 8 months to find that job, which is below my skill level but in todays economy, im not going to snub my nose at it. believe me if i was making enough i would not worry about his alimony. but trust me when i say i deserve every penny from him and than some. thank you all for the advice, i just wasnt sure i could do anything because he is paying me even though he is late and i have to remind him. as always good responses.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Is he paying ALIMONY? or CHILD SUPPORT?
why in the world if you are working and supporting yourself are you getting alimony? if there are bills he has to pay from when you were together... have them transferred to his name.
yes he does this to stay in touch with you and make you feel guilty.
you have several options.
1. This is the BEST and EASIEST in the LONG RUN way to handle it: if it's court ordered return to the court and have it garnished from his wages directly so that he has no say and no need to contact you. This is a good idea if he will not bring it without a reminder. I would let him know that this is the LAST time you will remind him and if he's late NEXT time you will be contacting the courts to get this done officially and without such a hassle.
2. have him deliver it to someone else (a third party such as your mother or a mutual friend you trust)
3. give it up if it's not for your minor children or debt he created that you are saddled with. NO MONEY from him means NO CONTACT from him
4. practice the broken record technique on him. But this means you don't have to remind him to bring or send the money... he shows up at work to give it to you.. meet him at his car, take the money, say thank you, turn around and leave. when he says "I need to talk to you" say "sorry I'm too busy" without turning around or stopping. Wave at him with your back to him and KEEP GOING.... this sends a very powerful message. DO IT EVERY TIME... eventually he will stop.
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A
female
reader, Skittledelight  +, writes (4 April 2013):
I agree with the above poster when it comes to the alimony. Get somebody else involved who will make sure, with no uncertainty, that he has to pay it by cheque on time. Be certain your ex knows the legal rammifications of it being late. You don't have to start a fight with him about it as it is money you are entitled to. If he argues I know you have said you find it hard to argue back, so just keep your cool and look at it in black and white: you don't really want him coming over, and by law, he doesn't have to. That's all there is to it. If he's late and spends his time complaining, then take him out of the equation.As for his complaints to you about his life, I think he's using you as a sounding board. If he has a new younger wife he probably doesn't want to bring his nagging (especially about him being older and not having enough money) to her because he thinks it will drive her away. You've already been driven away so he thinks he can say whatever he likes to you, as if you're some kind of giant ear he can just fill and then walk away from, unburdened. This isn't right; don't let him use you like this. If he is truly upset about money he should look into the government welfare system and see if he's entitled to anything, or request that his wife takes a job - if she is able. Sometimes people with money issues will try to make it other's people's responsibilities so they don't have to give anything up themselves, but if he's that desperate he will make some sacrifices. It's possible he misses talking to you and feels comfortable doing so, in a way that he cannot with other women because he's used to you. But he should understand that, even if this is done innocently, it doesn't help anybody and is only prolonging your pain. Don't let him dump in your lap and then walk away. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 You are correct that he IS "playing" you....
You actually have alternatives. IF you are satisfied that you want to endure his foolishness indefinitely... then leave things as they are. IF you've had enough of him and the crap he plays on you... then go to the court which awarded you the divorce and alimony and ask them to be the intermediary. They will accept his payment (which - incidentally - WILL be on time!).... and forward them to you, either by mail, or by EFT if you arrange that with them....
Good luck.....
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