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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He's confused me. Should I be concerned? He tells me he likes me, but he doesn't really act much on it.
Q. I met this guy through friends years ago but he lived in a different state. He recently moved to my town and we connected through facebook and started going out on dates. The first time we went out he tried to kiss me but I backed away and ...
A. 9 April 2013: OP I think you did send mixed signals. I think that the first two times he tried to kiss you and you blew him off were clear "friends only" signals. Personally I see nothing wrong with being physical with a date once you are past the age of ... (read in full...)
My husband admitted to having a crush on someone else
Q. What do you do when you are so very in love with your husband, but can't handle the fact that he had an emotional affair? I struggle on a day to day basis knowing that he actually "put someone in the middle" of our relationship. Him and I, (so I ...
A. 5 April 2013: I don’t think that marriage counseling is what’s needed at this point Shae. I think what you need is personal counseling for yourself to figure out what you want to do. It’s not an easy thing. Maybe I’m TOO forgiving. I know my mother ... (read in full...)
My husband admitted to having a crush on someone else
Q. What do you do when you are so very in love with your husband, but can't handle the fact that he had an emotional affair? I struggle on a day to day basis knowing that he actually "put someone in the middle" of our relationship. Him and I, (so I ...
A. 4 April 2013: OP, if it’s over 4 months and you are not letting it go, I suggest some counseling for you to figure out if you want to get out of the marriage or figure out how to forgive him for his indiscretion. Then I suggest some couples counseling, if you ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend fantasizes about intimacy with girls!
Q. My girlfriend has recently been fantasizing about having sex with other girls. She has told me that she never has been with another woman or even likes the idea. Then all of a sudden she is having all these fantasies about being intimate with other ...
A. 3 April 2013: I think Tisha is right... if you are the one that posted about being called by her ex's name by her grandma and thinking of leaving because of that, I think Therapy may be your best bet.
If your GF feels safe enough to talk about her fantasie... (read in full...)
Lately arguments seem to be tearing us apart
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we both love eachother alot and have had our fair share of problems but we cant seem to be apart. Recently we have been having a lot of arguments and it is begining to tear us apart. No matter how ...
A. 3 April 2013: You say he’s perfect because he’s EVERYTHING you are looking for in a person. BUT HE’S NOT honey.
This is not your fault OR his fault. This is just what it is. Your sex drive is higher than his. This means either you stay accept his leve... (read in full...)
My husband admitted to having a crush on someone else
Q. What do you do when you are so very in love with your husband, but can't handle the fact that he had an emotional affair? I struggle on a day to day basis knowing that he actually "put someone in the middle" of our relationship. Him and I, (so I ...
A. 3 April 2013: I know how you feel and how your husband feels if that makes sense to you.
IMO his only huge mistake is not taking responsibility for his unhappiness and bad behavior. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
One of the things I've always done with my par... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this unsatisfying relationship? I want him to leave.
Q. Stuck in a Rutt and can't get out! My live in man is 45. We split briefly last year and I now totally regret us getting back together. He set up home on his own after our strained relationship failed due to his abusive behaviour. After almost a yea...
A. 3 April 2013: If you are that unhappy and you have to stake him to get him out I'd do it.
It's YOUR HOME stop sleeping with the kids and put him on the couch.
Make his life miserable. stop DOING for him.
no laundry
no cleaning
no cooking
no sh... (read in full...)
How to ask my boyfriend to be more physical with me?
Q. How to ask my boyfriend to be more physical with me...? Well we're only 17 and we have only been together for 3 weeks but I like being physical. He's a virgin and he's never had a girlfriend before, but I want him to like hug me tightly, kiss wit...
A. 2 April 2013: you can't force him to be physical if he's not ready.
you are pushing him too fast and that's not fair.
he's not shy or not confident, he's NOT READY.
Gawd if you were a boy doing this to a girl folks would be down your throat. Well ... (read in full...)
Two year long FWB and now he's showing signs of affection!
Q. Is it normal for a FWB relationship to last nearly two years and what does it mean when the guy is showing signs of affection like cuddling, Eskimo kissing and just appearing on a whim?? These things have just started recently in my experience he ...
A. 2 April 2013: Don't get your hopes up. (clearly you want it or you would not be asking)
It's FRIENDS with benefits... he's just being friendly and comfy.
... (read in full...)
Gained weight after the baby and need tips to get it off!
Q. Hi Guys! I'm a 21 year old woman, ever since settling in a home with the man i love and having a baby two years ago ive put on some weight, i guess the weight added on because i was happy and eating in alot with my partner. im 5 ft 8, i wear size 12 ...
A. 2 April 2013: you will never be a "perfect" size 8 you can weigh less than you did before the baby was born and you will still not fit in some of your pre-baby clothes... your body changes when you are pregnant and sadly sometimes it never goes back quite the ... (read in full...)
I like watching lesbians, does that mean I am one?
Q. I enjoy watching lesbians, but I love boys and think they are so sexy, I only want to be with boys but sometimes when I'm watching the lesbians I want to be in that situation for just a second but when I think about it again when I'm not watching it ...
A. 2 April 2013: no you are not a lesbian.
just because you get turned on by lesbian porn does not make you one.... (read in full...)
Awkward moment when her grandmother called me by my girlfriend's ex's name!
Q. So I am at my girlfriends parents house an meeting them for the first time. During this time everything is going well an we talk and really get to know one another. I also meet the grandparents an everything is also seeming going really well. ...
A. 2 April 2013: Oh and OP I wasn't laughing at you or being overly harsh.
I was thinking about my dear grandmother (who sadly died when I was 21) She always got names confused, She would start with her oldest daughter (my aunt) and work her way down from old... (read in full...)
Awkward moment when her grandmother called me by my girlfriend's ex's name!
Q. So I am at my girlfriends parents house an meeting them for the first time. During this time everything is going well an we talk and really get to know one another. I also meet the grandparents an everything is also seeming going really well. ...
A. 2 April 2013: Well if you are 30 something and your girlfriend is around your age that means her grandmom is at least 70ish I would hope.
so she had a slip of the tongue and you are ANGRY at it?
why are you angry?
why would a slip of the tongue by her ... (read in full...)
He's confused me. Should I be concerned? He tells me he likes me, but he doesn't really act much on it.
Q. I met this guy through friends years ago but he lived in a different state. He recently moved to my town and we connected through facebook and started going out on dates. The first time we went out he tried to kiss me but I backed away and ...
A. 2 April 2013: he tried to be more than friends.
he's tried twice to kiss you and both times you blew him off.... do you think he's thinking third times the charm?
I agree with Tisha totally.. if you want more than just a casual friend with this guy the ba... (read in full...)
What can be done to get her to want me again? And why is she not discouraging her ex from reaching out to her?
Q. My GF and I been dating for 2 years. She's had a very "liberal" sexual past. Threesomes, group sex, other women, etc. We started off very hot and heavy. And after a few months, she moved in late last year. I've noticed over the past few months t...
A. 2 April 2013: My husband and I were having very wild sex. till we got serious and moved in together...
it seems once it's always there you take it for granted.
this is not about you not working.
have you asked her what's changed?
how old is sh... (read in full...)
He's one of the most popular boys at school. How can I encourage my crush to like me?
Q. Hi so I want to know how to get my crush to like me Ok so I have had a crush on a guy and he is in a different grade (higher grade). Anyway I wouldn't say I am obsessed but whenever he looks at me whenever he goes or looks away I totally freak ou...
A. 2 April 2013: if lots of girls have a crush on him he'll be so full of himself he won't be bearable.
your crush is currently based on how he looks not how he acts since you don't really know him.
you can't make him like you
all you can do when you s... (read in full...)
Time to let go? How do you know when you're not in love anymore?
Q. Dear cupid, I would like some advice and opinions on my situation. This may get a bit confusing so I apologize and will be happy to answer any questions you guys may have. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is the only serious...
A. 2 April 2013: YOU think HE could be happier without you. WHAT does HE THINK about this?
Is the issue that you could be happier without him or he could be happier without you?
Either you love him and want to be with him or you don't.
using the " i love... (read in full...)
So confused with him
Q. Quick background on my relationship: we have been together 2 yrs 3 months, have a one year old child, I'm due on the 14th to have our second one, my boyfriend has admitted he is depressed. We haven't truly talked to each other since December, he ...
A. 2 April 2013: “he told me the main reason he is depressed is because of me”
WHAT A COP OUT. He is trying to blame his bad behavior ON YOU? Seriously? And you are even willing to consider this as an option. And then the reason is due to weight g... (read in full...)
When we're not fighting, he's perfect
Q. My husband has a past history of lying to me about his ex's and just yesterday I found an email contact of his had sent him a naked photo of herself years ago but he never deleted her or the photo. We have been together 3 years and married 10 month...
A. 2 April 2013: Were you forced into this marriage by your family? How will they feel about your first divorce? Because that’s what’s going to happen here eventually. You will finally not want to take the emotional abuse any longer and you will be strong and ... (read in full...)
Lots of signs but I don't know what to think: is my boyfriend cheating on me?
Q. There have been lots of signs but he denies it and swears he never has nor wouldnt. He stays in touch with exes and ex hook ups which I find weird. And it makes me feel like he is doing it to keep his options open. I found out a year ago that an...
A. 2 April 2013: The key issue for me is that he keeps it secret from you. Once in a while I have lunch with my ex-husband. There are several conditions to this lunch
a. It’s in public
b. My husband knows IN ADVANCE that I’m meeting him
c. His wife knows I... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do about his erratic parenting?
Q. I think my ex husband is crazy, that or his actions are making me wonder if I am! We have a 2 year old child. I've been open to lots of visits-encouraged it even, but he rarely takes the child. There is always an excuse. Most recently, he to...
A. 2 April 2013: You can't force him to be a parent. The only thing you can force is your child support payments for your child.
he may step up as his child gets older. Perhaps he's not totally comfortable with visitation with a 2 year old...
I strongly ... (read in full...)
Should I be direct and straight to the point in asking her out on a real date, or should I take things as slow as they've been going so far?
Q. I met a girl a few months ago, and instantly felt some chemistry. We've been talking continuously ever since, but nothing happened between us yet. This has a couple of reasons, which I would like to discuss here to see if I should keep pursuing. ...
A. 2 April 2013: OP are you sure of her sexual orientation? Maybe she just sees you as a friend?
... (read in full...)
Friend told me we are better as friends but did he mean it as he is acting more into me now
Q. Hi, Just looking for some advice as to whether my frend meant it when he said we are better as friends. The back round is that we know each other yrs and have been getting closer in recent months as in talking every day. I know he has liked me for...
A. 2 April 2013: oh hell yes he's emotionally cheating on his gf with you.
does she know about your conversations... does she know that he said if she wasn't around he'd be with you? WHAT exactly does he tell her about your relationship?
how much does s... (read in full...)
Have I let this friendship go too far? He's going through divorce and I am married. I won't cheat for him!
Q. First of all, I am married to a great guy whom I love very much. We are not a perfect couple but we are still good together. I trust him completely and he does the same with me. Having said this, I am finding myself in a bit of trouble. A f...
A. 2 April 2013: Yep no brainer here... LET HIM GO AS A FRIEND.
you are skating on dangerously thin ice here....
he wants you to come to his home ALONE... what do you think that's about?
He asked you what kind of a relationship you want with him and y... (read in full...)
There have been plenty of opportunities for my b/f to say he loves me! So why doesn't he?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, we are both 19 and I am sure I love him, having been in love before. I do everything for him from cooking for him if he finishes work late, to just doing thoughtful things such as putting his washing ...
A. 2 April 2013: My husband never says I love you. Well that's not quite true.. we have been together since December 2010. He's said it 3 or 4 times. ONE at our wedding as part of our vows so I would have it on tape. I rarely expect to hear it from him and I ... (read in full...)
My friend fancies me. I don't know what to say!
Q. So one of my best friends who i've known since starting college (september 2012) has just told me she 'fancies' me, and i don't know what to say?? Any advice?...
A. 2 April 2013: Do you fancy her back? if so say "great I feel the same way"
if you don't and don't want to start something you can say "thank you I'm so flattered you feel that way and it was so brave of you to tell me but to be honest, I don't think of... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my teaching colleague!
Q. Hi everyone, and thank you for your attention and possible advice: I'm a 25 year old teaching assistant, studying to be an english teacher (in France) and here's my story. I've fallen for one ofmy colleague, a PE teacher. I know that he noticed...
A. 2 April 2013: if you don't know if he's in a relationship (he may very well be there's no crime in looking even if you are married) then the first thing to do is talk to him and find out if there is a MRS (or Mr.) PE teacher or the equivalent ... (read in full...)
FWB--should I bring up the subject of being exclusive? Or just chill and see what happens?
Q. Short version: I'm hooking up with this guy, who's friends with my friends, so we're at each other's houses most weekends. No talk of exclusivity, but we're not dating anyone else, and he's made a point out of acting quite couple-like in front of ...
A. 2 April 2013: I'd ask him how he feels and where you stand. Be prepared for it to go either way although it does sound like he likes you more than just a hookup for sex.
IF you just chill and see what happens and he's not on the same page as you it will hur... (read in full...)
Fancy me? Or just friendly?
Q. Hi. I need help. I met the most amazing guy. He is funny, intelligent, charming and has a lovely smile. He isn't amazingly good looking but something about him draws me too him. I met him through a friend a few weeks ago and we've hung out i...
A. 2 April 2013: What would you like him to do to let you know he likes you?
do that for him.
in other words if you want him to ask you out, you ask him.
I think winking is creepy to be honest but lots of folks here seem to think it's a key indicator o... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend completely over his ex?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for six months. He is 30 and I'm 29, and we started living together about a month ago. It was around this time when he first told me he loved me too. Things are going really well. We get along great and are very sex...
A. 2 April 2013: The only concern is that he careens from one partner to another... he's never had alone time or down time.
The fact that you were able to voice your concerns and he listened to you and took action to make you feel better is a good sign.
Try... (read in full...)
Could our friendship really be over just because of an argument?
Q. I have a really stressfull problem. I was friends with this guys for years and always liked him. As far I was aware he didn;t feel the same as we stayed very close friends (although many people thought he liked me as did I) ... Afew years later we ...
A. 2 April 2013: It sucks that he can’t tell you what you want to hear but the truth his he choose her as a relationship over you as a friendship.
To be honest I would as a romantic partner not want my spouse to have a best friend of the opposite sex especial... (read in full...)
Why do I keep dreaming of my Ex?
Q. Im 21 years old, i have a boyfriend of four years and a little boy who is 2, we dont have a complete happy relationship but we do love eachother and he wants to be with me forever. before i met him i was very heart broken, i use date a boy who was a ...
A. 2 April 2013: The first thing that jumped out at me was “i knew i was never going to be good enough for him”
STOP IT. Who in the world said you were never going to be good enough for a man who lied ot you and cheated on you? WHERE did you get the idea tha... (read in full...)
Moving out for the 1st time, and in with boyfriend! Need reassurance/ advice!
Q. Aunts and Uncles, I’m getting ready to “fly the nest” as a 25 year old woman with a BFA in Illustration. I have enough money saved up to last me 6 months should I fall on hard times. I have been semi-guaranteed at least part time in the city to w...
A. 2 April 2013: I'm sure once you find a full time job that medical insurance will come with it.
Have you started job hunting in the area you are moving to?
You can build your credit while living with him. and you can save money while living with him.
He'... (read in full...)
Why is she acting this way, after she found out how I feel about her?
Q. i've been friends with a girl since october. we were really tight. she used to tell me everything and i was the secretive type who kept people at a distance as i dont like being close to anyone. i started having feelings for her. in late december ...
A. 2 April 2013: Things changed when she realized you like her more than as a casual friend.
She's making it very clear to you where you sit with her which is a casual friend.
She doesn't initiate with you because she does not want to lead you on or give ... (read in full...)
Are my good intentions possibly hurting her in a way I didn't intend? Do I need to step back and let her do these things instead?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a year now and everything has been great. We are able to discuss any issues that come up calmly - something she was never able to do in previous relationships. Due to a rather unscrupulous ex of hers she has been ...
A. 2 April 2013: Heck I wish my husband had stepped up and cleaned when he was unemployed. or had dinner ready or the laundry.
Have you told her it's a glory ride and it will stop once you find work again and to just enjoy it while she can?
I would tell he... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to tell him of my concerns?
Q. Ma boyfriend has a new dog so that dog keeps him away from me most of the time. So now the dog is sick which means more time on it more than on me we no longer bond like we used to at first...today i told him am angry because of all that stuff and ...
A. 2 April 2013: It is never wrong to tell your partner your concerns and feelings.
if he gets angry well then that's on him.
A new puppy or dog can take a lot of time away from life as you have to train it but it should not take you totally away from ev... (read in full...)
He wants kids, I can't have any more. Shouldn't we just make a clean break?
Q. Im 31 yrs old, my boyfriend is 36 yrs old. We have been off and on for 2 yrs. November 2012, we started dating again. We have an amzing relationship. Never fight, act goofy together, always get along and were a perfect match. Which we both agreed ...
A. 2 April 2013: The biological drive to have kids is intense.
I had several men in my mid 30s who had no kids who stopped dating me precisely because I could no longer have children.
It's a horrible feeling to know you would be perfect if you could still r... (read in full...)
She seems to have lost interest in me!
Q. I met the most wonderful girl on a dating site - intelligent, articulate, humble, kind - and we've been communicating online for more than two months now. We bonded together over a series of uncanny coincidences and shared interests. We al...
A. 2 April 2013: OP, at the risk of overstepping my bounds and becoming the next person to offend you, I am wondering if you are truly asexual. Where did the diagnosis come from? Since according to my research around 1.5% of the population is truly asexual, I’m ... (read in full...)
The elephant in the room: is he my boyfriend?
Q. I met a guy on a dating website and we have been dating for 2 months. We speak to each other everyday and say goodnight before bed. We sleep at each other's houses and have sex twice a week. He seems very loyal and committed in his actions and has ...
A. 2 April 2013: I like YouWish's idea too.
But I think Tisha's question is important too.
other than daily contact and twice weekly sex what other things do you two do together.
... (read in full...)
Why Does My Ex Have Hostile Feelings Towards Me?
Q. My BF broke up with me months ago on Halloween. Even though HE ended it, he is the one who is hostile. We just cannot seem to ever reach peace. He would contact me and it always starts good and nice, then ends really dramatic. We'll have good ...
A. 1 April 2013: Explain to me why you want to be friends with an ex anyway?
they are an ex for a reason.
just accept it's over and done and move on.... (read in full...)
She thinks that the guy has to make all the effort
Q. so i've been with my girlfriend for 4 months and we have a long distance relationship and its a strong one but the problem is that i have put so much effort to make it work and she has only put a few and she believes that in all relationships the ...
A. 1 April 2013: sounds like you guys are not compatible.
stop putting in all the effort and see what happens.
she may not contact you in which case you know what has to happen (it's over)
but I'm betting if you don't get in touch with her for a few ... (read in full...)
We've been together for 5 years but I'm getting urges to date other guys
Q. I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We've been together for 5 years and I love him with all my heart but lately I've been feeling like I want to date other guys. I feel really guilty and it's been eating at me for the past few days. He noticed ...
A. 1 April 2013: my mother met my father when she was 16. She married him at 19
it works... it can. He did have a "midlife crisis" affair on her after 25 years of marriage but until then they never considered another person.
have you talked to him about how... (read in full...)
Should I pursue this or drop the relationship?
Q. Oh man this is a rough one. I hope someone can steer me in a better way of thinking! My current girlfriend, whom I have been seeing roughly 6 weeks messed up majorly. Now don't get me wrong, I really do love her. It was an instant feeling, and it ...
A. 1 April 2013: Do you understand that when in recovery the first year rule is NO RELATIONSHPS.
Let’s see she left another man for you
She gave up drugs for you…
It’s 6 weeks she disappears for three days with her ex boyfriend/drug pusher…
This is n... (read in full...)
Why do girls stay friends with some of their ex boyfriends but not all of their ex's?
Q. Why do girls stay friends with some of their ex boyfriends but other they just decide they don't want anything to do with anymore for no reason and he never did anything to deserve that?...
A. 1 April 2013: I don't see a need to ever remain friends with any ex partners unless you have children with them.
IF a person (male or female) remains friends with an ex and they are my current partner I'd be suspicious. If they are merely friendly... ... (read in full...)
She seems to have lost interest in me!
Q. I met the most wonderful girl on a dating site - intelligent, articulate, humble, kind - and we've been communicating online for more than two months now. We bonded together over a series of uncanny coincidences and shared interests. We al...
A. 1 April 2013: Here is my take on this…
ALL NEGATIVES:
You live in different countries. You don’t say which one she’s in but if it’s not Canada or Mexico I’m not holding out ANY hope and even if she lived in the USA I’m not giving much hope here….
You ... (read in full...)
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