A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am a female in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives in another country. We still haven't med in person..but have communicated by email, telephone, text message and video and video messaging that he's sent me. This has been going on for about 7 months. He was very sweet with me telling me how he's looking for marriage and would like a serious relationship with me as he loves me heart and thinks I'm beautiful. He's told me he wants children many times and even said he's like to get me pregnant. I am a lady in my mid-thirties and would love to have a baby. He has only just turned 28 years old, though.but says age doesn't matter. I wasn't against it, but he insisted and pursued me. I was supposed to fly to his country to finally meet him, but now he is going to fly to me.He keeps asking me for photos of my private bits. I did give in and send one photo that showed one breast..but he keeps asking me for photos of between my legs and bum, too. He has sent me naked photos of himself and a few pics of his penis. So, that is why I sent the breast picture..I felt a bit obligated. Why does he need to see pictures of me down there if we are due to meet up in person really soon? He is waiting for his visa...Sometimes I feel like he is only wanting pics to see if I'm worth a trip to visit, but on the other hand, why would he have spent money on his visa if he does't care about me? He tells me he loves me. Before he was more romantic, but now most every time he writes or speaks to me on the phone now..he mentions wanting these private pictures of me and says maybe I do not trust him because I won't send any. He's promised not to show them to anyone.. but why does need them so much?
View related questions:
long distance, money, text, want children Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2019): Hey it has been a while from your situation, I was wondering what happened to and your long distance boyfriend. Since currently I have the same situation but he lives the same country as me and we are from the same nationality. I was wondering if your boyfriend work out to be a good guy, have guys met? Thanks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): he tells you he loves you? Wow and hes not even met you yet ;-) Love takes time to get to know someone in the flesh so to speak. Not 7 months of virtual dating. I think you need a reality check her OP im sorry. This guy has spent 7 months telling you what you want to hear and in return he wants to show you how much he loves, you respects and cares about you by having you send him a picture of your p***y?!Your being taken for a ride OP!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Hello, LDRs suck but they have some rules…
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
In addition to the above…. Do not send him any pictures you do not want your mom or dad or religious leader to know about. This means no shots of your girly parts.
AT your age if you have not met within 7 months I do not hold out much hope for this working out at all.
The fact that he asks at all is rude and shows a lack of respect and caring for you.
do not have sex chats with him
do not listen to his promises of love, fidelity marriage or children.
do not feel obligated to send him anything just because he sends you stuff. In fact, if a guy sent me unsolicted pictures of his penis i would send them back and go "EWWWWWWW that's gross don't send me that!!"
He's only after your dirty talk and your pictures and then he will post them online and go poof... they even have a website called 'show your vagina" and women post pictures of their bits. UGH.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (4 April 2013):
 This all sounds very dodgy. I wonder which country he's from. It's generalising of course but there are guys in countries like Turkey who will woo and flatter women from the UK for less than romantic reasons. I hope I'm wrong.
About the photos: I doubt you asked him for a photo of his penis in the first place, but even if you did it wouldn't mean you have to send anything back. It is about trust, you don't know him well enough to trust him. I'd strongly advise that you stick to your own boundaries and what you're comfortable with: don't send him anything. If that puts him off, you know what sort of person you're dealing with. He doesn't sound very nice to me. He sounds manipulative, you sound a bit vulnerable, and I question his motives.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Hi
DO NOT send any photos, 7 months is a long time to not have met. He could be just up the road for all you know, or in the next town.
I think he is playing you, he just wants naked photos probably to share out with others.Imagine finding pics of you on the internet,or somebody you know seeing them.
Yes there is a vague chance he is genuine and you can trust him, but its a very tiny chance and can you risk trusting him? No.
If there are no solid plans to meet up, a date set,tickets bought,then this whole thing is wasting your time.He is stringing you along.
You could be using this time to meet somebody else,that you can date,see at the weekend,get to know,meet family and friends....
Tell him absolutely no way are you sending explicit photos, or doing *anything* sexual on camera,video or Skype.Then wait and see his response.
Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2013):
I want to try and talk some sense into you here.
How exactly do you see things playing out here? Are you going to meet him one time and decide to move to his country or vice versa? Do you think anything like that makes any sense? Even if you meet a few times, the reality is you don't know him at all and you'd be making a huge decision based solely on a few meetings and a bunch of promises.
Do you really think you can love someone you've never met?
Think long and hard about this relationship and plan out a future between the two of you that is well thought out. Then tell bit to a trusted friend or family member and if they think it sounds like a good idea then proceed. But don't be blinded by pretend live or your desire for a baby and make a huge mistake.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Listen closely!
"Opening the kimono" and "I'll show you mine, and now show me yours" is a trick, and you must not fall for it. Who cares if he does head stands while swinging his penis round and round like a helicopter? It does not obligate you show a single thing. When you send stuff on the internet, it's out there forever!
Do not expose yourself again on the internet. If he wants to see you, he needs to do it in person.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 April 2013):
Listen closely!
"Opening the kimono" and "I'll show you mine, and now show me yours" is a trick, and you must not fall for it. Who cares if he does head stands while swinging his penis round and round like a helicopter? It does not obligate you show a single thing. When you send stuff on the internet, it's out there forever!
Do not expose yourself again on the internet. If he wants to see you, he needs to do it in person.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 April 2013):
 You write: "He's promised not to show them to anyone.. but why does need them so much?"
Answer: He doesn't need them for anything that is on the up-and-up. Oh... and, by the way, he probably wouldn't keep that "promise" to not show them to anybody (else)...
Steer clear of this guy......
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 April 2013):
 I would be very hesitant on sending him any photos of yourself. There is no telling what he may do or whose hands those photos will fall into.
I have seen it far too many times where gullible girls send naked pictures of their privates to their cyber friends, only to break up a few months later or have the threat of the person releasing their pictures to pornographic sites. Once you supply him those pictures they will be entirely in his control. Imagine how you would feel if those pictures were seen by others than him...
I also encourage you to be careful with cyber dating. Being able to get along and chat via webcam / email is entirely different than interacting in real life. It is extremely easy to personify yourself online versus what you are like in real life. I would also encourage you to think twice about even referring to him as your boyfriend... the levels of intimacy and trust just aren't there, especially if you've never met each other.
I do agree with your assumptions -- he either wants to see what you look like naked or wants to engage in cyber sex (basically mutual masturbation). Guys are turned on by visuals and this is one way for him to achieve some level of physical intimacy with you.
Eddie
...............................
A
female
reader, Skittledelight +, writes (4 April 2013):
Dear writer,I am glad he is agreeing to come to you as at least the ball will be in your court if he does! Only you can know what is in your heart and how you feel about this man, and only you can guess at whether his intentions are genuine or not. As far as these pictures go, men like to be visually stimulated when they cannot actually touch the object of their desire. I suppose it's flattery that he wants to see your 'bits' so badly. But no means no, and if he does love you he ought to respect you enough to realise that you are not comfortable with this, even if he is. If you're meeting soon then he will just have to wait to see the goodies! Surely they're worth it, if he cares about you enough to speak of marriage and children. He seems like quite a forward and sexual guy. A flat out 'no,' may upset him. Try being a little cheeky and suggestive by saying he will see all he likes, when he gets there, or hint that some things are worth using the imagination for? You don't want to unwrap the whole bundle before you've had time to truly appreciate the packaging in person!As to your concerns over whether he's 'assessing' you as good enough to travel for, there's always the chance you may be right. It's hard to trust a man you've never met in a foreign country. But if you've trusted him enough to allow him to come and meet you perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt in this. Be wary though, predators lurk on the internet, just waiting for illicit pictures and dirty scams. That's why I'm glad he is making the effort to come to you and not the other way round. Always play safe.Ultimately, what is more important, coming to see you and having a true relationship, or taking a peek at your junk to keep him placated? His answer will tell you all you need to know.
...............................
|
