A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is hot and cold with me and now he wants time "think and get his head straight"I have been in a relationship with my bf for a year now. We are long distance but spent the first 4 months together. At christmas he dumped me saying the distance was too much for him. We didn't speak for a month after until he started texting again. He said he was sorry and that i was the only girl for him. he also said he was willing to wait the last few month until i was back with him. Everything was going great until we met recently. We went out partying and he said he "wanted to marry me, loved me and even called me his fiance" and he wasnt drunk. i must of drank to much and passed out (bad mistake on my part). I woke up in my hotel room not remembering much from the night before and was really upset. i asked him what happened and he said "nothing". i believed him but was still upset and hungover so kept questioning him. I text him the next following days asking "why are you so distant with me now?"..he said he wanted to be friends because he doesnt want to go through that horrible drama again (of me asking him what happened and apparently accusing him of taking advantage of me, which i didnt). Then i asked him "do u wanna make us work"..he said "yes i do".. so i thought that was it were together. BUT i havent heard from him lately and i text him sayin "i guess its over and were just friends then?"..his reply was "i need to get my head straight".. i text saying "ok " and then today i text saying "i take it were just friends then since ur feelings have changed" and no replyAll of this has happened in the space of two weeks. I do love him but i feel as though he doesnt feel the same anymore :-(. How could he just go from wanting to marry me to ignoring me in just one night?? Why wont he commit to either being friends or being in a relationship? why is he ignoring my texts? What should i do? Can someone please explain whats happening or happened?thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Update I know, im an idiot that is not thinking straight at the moment. I've let it go now. I feel like my impatientness has got the better of me and have reacted to this whole situation in the wrong way. how do i rectify it? should i just not contact him?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 seeing your update..
he asked to talk next week... the proper response should have been sure...
and let it go... instead you already made a decision and told him what you think...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2013):
I’m going to be blunt here. It’s the beginning of the end. You guys were together for four short months and then went LDR. He broke up with you at Christmas time due to the distance (and that’s actually a reasonable reason for ending a relationship… open ended LDRs for young people tend to NOT work out).
He started texting you a month later (so late January).
Do not listen to the words coming out of his mouth. They are just words and platitudes. Words mean NOTHING unless they are backed up by actions.
“I must have drunk too much and passed out”…. Do you not remember any of it? Is it possible your drink was spiked (especially if it’s not happened before that you drank so much) or do you have an issue with alcohol?
After you asked him what happened and he said nothing and you were not satisfied with the answer you kept HOUNDING him for more information that he didn’t have to give you apparently.
If you have an issue with drinking then maybe this last drunk/blackout was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
You then asked him why he was so distant (a reasonable question) and is response was that he wants to be friends but nothing more. AT THAT POINT YOU NEEDED TO LET IT GO.
But you continued to badger him ‘do you want to make us work?” well NO he didn’t, he had just told you he wanted to be friends which is NOT making you two work as a couple. But you not liking the idea pushed him to “do you wanna make us work” Technically the true answer is NO because he just wants to be friends but he didn’t want to get into it with you so he said yes.
But because you pushed him to that answer he feels he has no choice now but to hope you will let it go. He’s not contacting you because NO he doesn’t want to be more than friends…
And then you continue to hammer at him with more drama laden texts "i guess its over and were just friends then?". WOW… his response should have been YES but he tried to SOFTEN the BLOW by putting it on him “I need to get my head straight” is a nice way of saying YES JUST friends.
AND THEN AGAIN you say to him “i take it were just friends then since ur feelings have changed" you really can’t let it go can you… yes JUST friends honey.. but if he can’t find anyone better he’ll come back and pretend to love you so he can get laid.
What should you do? WALK away. DO NOT TEXT HIM… do not beg him for clarification. He clearly (to me) has made his statement. He just wants to be friends for now. MAYBE it will change later… but I would not hold my breath.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): *Update* - D/O/B 1/1/1989
I posted this question.
so i got reply today - he said " can we chat about this another week, im just really busy with work hun and dont have time to text"...I replied "its ok, i think i know were i stand. have a great time at work"
will he contact me or is he just letting me down gently??
what should I do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): its never a good idea to drink that much that you don't know A: how you got into hotel room and B: what happened to you in the time you were out of it.
He may be your boyfriend but if he had sex with you during that time than that is rape!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 April 2013):
One of the most frustrating things- so frustrating it can drive you away from someone - is someone putting words in your mouth and assuming the worst:
"i guess its over and were just friends then?"
"i take it were just friends then since ur feelings have changed"
Combine that with your accusations because YOU blacked out and didn't remember and I'd need some space too. I'm getting annoyed for him just by thinking about it.
Leave him alone, you've said what you have to say. By talking more you're going to make things even worse. Just let him get his mind right; if he wants to be with you he will, if he doesn't, nothing will change that.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I would just give him some time and space, however YOU decide how much time you want to give him. Let him know that you won't be contacting him for the next (let's say 2 weeks) and that if he doesn't get back to you, you know where you stand (as in it's over).
You can't really MAKE him talk to you and you can't fix whatever it is alone. It takes to to make it work.
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