A
female
age
36-40,
*elbelle2430
writes:A month ago my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. We had been dating for six months. I know that isn't the longest amount of time, but since the very first day we met, we were inseperable. We connected on every level, mentally, emotionally, physically. We did everything together, and we both liked it. He has all the qualities I'm looking for in a man, handsome, intelligent, fun, hardworking, dedicated, successful. We are both in our later twenties, so we still enjoy going out. There was a period where everytime we would go out he would get completely wasted. To the point of not knowing which bar he was at, losing me so I would have to take a cab home myself, dropping glasses, peeing on the floor. At first it was funny, but then it got to be draining because I felt like I was babysitting. I felt like he had become not just my boyfriend, but my confidant, my best friend, my soulmate. We both want the exact same family, future, we have so much in common. All of a sudden he started asking for more space. It was hard for me, because we had formed this type of routine through the week, but always did different things on the weekends, but I always gave it to him. I could feel him pulling away from me about a month and a half ago, around my birthday. That whole week he wasn't as sweet as he normally was to me, didn't really put in effort to make sure I was happy. In fact, the night of my birthday party, he was there but talking to everyone else but me, didn't buy my dinner or a single drink, and just seemed distant. That night I went to call my phone from his and saw a text message he sent one of his friends saying that "we are on the rocks. I'm about to get my single body ready". That hurt me to the core. I cried that night, but couldn't go home because I had been drinking. In the morning he apologized, said how much he loves me, and cried that he didn't want to lose me. Because I have lost so many close people to me, I forgive easy. So I forgave him. And then he asked for even more space. I didn't know how to react so I just didn't. We ended up fighting, but he said he wanted to work things out. The next night he asked me over, and although I didn't think it was a good idea because he has been wanting space, I went. He was so cold to me, even as we slept together. In the morning he kissed me, said he loved me, and went to work. That afternoon he messaged me on facebook and said it was over. Since then I have gotten so many excuses. At first it was all me, I'm selfish and have issues like all of his exes, and I have to have my way. Then it was that I am such an amazing woman, so open to give, and that he just needed to work on himself. Then that he's ready to settle down, but he doesn't enjoy making me happy anymore, and I'm not enough for what he needs in a woman. I'm so confused! It's been a month and I'm doing better but it still hurts. I think about him everyday. He went to the church I took him to with another woman this past weekend, and there's pictures of them up on facebook. He's making plans with other people to do things that we were supposed to do together. Don't get me wrong, I have a great support group of friends, but I keep seeing him with all these people I've never even heard of before. I feel like I just got tossed to the side, which is something that he has done with every single woman he's ever dated. It hurt that after I took so long to take time to myself an amazing woman and enter into a relationship, now I'm told that I'm just not enough. I gave everything and I feel as though he just took it from me and then left. He doesn't care and has moved on so quickly. We had so many plans for our future, and so many amazing memories together. He has only had one other serious relationship, but it was with a girl that cheated on him the whole time. This was a first for him, and he always said how much he loved it. So how is it so easy to just move on from? Why do I feel stuck and he's perfectly ok? I need help! I don't want to waste my life on someone who I'm not enough for, and I don't want to regret my mistakes in our relationship. But I miss him everyday, with everything that I do. I wish I had one more chance....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 His leaving you was not your fault.
YOU did nothing wrong. YOU are enough. It's just that you are not what he wants. IT'S NOT PERSONAL. I know that's hard to understand.
I suggest the book "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills. It's in paperback and available in many bookstores or online.
It was a godsend to me when I was younger and dating.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 All I can say is, you simply have to move on.
This man does not know what he wants or who. He may or may not have been seeing that woman before he broke up with you but, nevertheless, you two simply were not right for each other. I realize it may not seem that way because clearly you greatly enjoyed the time you spent with him but, you are obviously more dedicated than he. It may not even be his fault. Do not misunderstand, I am not saying it is your fault either, what I am saying is that he does need to work on himself and clear his head, focus on what he needs to do and how he wants to spend his life. Some people simply are not so clear, even to themselves, that is why they confuse you.
You call yourself an amazing woman, so be an amazing woman and be that woman for an amazing man who I assure you is out there. So linger your thoughts about this one no longer. Six months is not a long time, you had your good memories but it is over now.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): to give a quick short answer - sounds as if your looking to the future and possible wanting marriage, kids, a more sensible, mature routine...while he wants to carry on drinking himself stupid and acting the same as he did as a teenager.
Time to move on :-)
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