A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for four and a half years. We have a two-year old. We have much in common, but when my wife gets upset and high strung (she is a self-described "uptight" person), she shuts down emotionally. While we were engaged, she would often shut me out of her life: not saying hello when I'd come home from work, not making eye contact when I got home from work, not even asking about my day. This happened for days and days on end. We went to therapy, and that helped.During this rocky time, I had an emotional affair with another woman. Nothing ever happened, and I married my wife. Now, we are thinking about a second child, and I can't stand that I've kept this from her. I want to come clean, but I don't know if it's just me being selfish about wanting this off my chest, or if she needs to know the trut. Advice is very much appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2013):
 You having an emotional affair was your bad call and not your now wife's fault at all. Own your behavior.
1. if you have no contact with the former EA partner and no chance of running into her and her "ratting you out" I would suck it up and deal with your guilt. Bringing it up is just to make yourself feel better and may make what was a tenuous relationship shaky all over again.
2. why do you suddenly feel the need to tell her.. what about this talking about a second baby is setting you off?
A
male
reader, LittleMan  +, writes (3 April 2013):
Naturally, you should feel guilty yes. So just bear it like a man. If you love her and you know it won't happen again and that it will hurt her, your family and your relationship then it isn't worth it to come clean. The fact that you're feeling guilt for an affair that never became physical means that you really didn't mean for it to happen. So, you should just put it to rest and learn to forgive yourself.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 I see more trouble coming out of confessing than just sucking it up. You did what you did and I know the pain you went through. You didn't cross any physical barriers and while you may have emotionally betrayed your fiancee, I think on some level you had to find an emotional sounding board to vent your frustrations.
Let's face it, the person you should've been having these conversations with, shut you out of her life. While you should've probably gone to a good (male) friend, in a moment of weakness you sought out the wrong person.
I see more harm coming from airing this confession. You are risking the stability of your family and your marriage. In addition, I don't see this as bringing you any closer. I think the price you pay for this is silence -- and you make it up to your woman. Take her on a trip, do something you normally wouldn't do and call it even. I think it is time to let go of the past and move on. There is no sense in dredging up ancient history only to drive a wedge through your marriage.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (3 April 2013):
I understand that you feel guilty. An affair is an affair. But you have to ask yourself.....what is this going to accomplish? Who is this going to benefit? Are you trying to releave yourself of hurt and pain? Will my wife suffer from my actions?
Some questions I would like to know....do you still see or contact this woman in anyway?
I think sometimes lifes mishaps needs to be kept in the past. I'm sure not all would agree but you need to move forward and learn from your mistakes.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Sounds like you are blaming her for YOUR actions. You know you SHOULD have tried to figure out how to "fix" that WITH her before looking for "sympathy" and attention from another woman.
Is it you being selfish? In some ways yes, but in others I DO think you OWE her the truth, just in case that THAT is a deal breaker for her.
I DO however suggest you don't try and pin it on her. YOU CHOOSE to cheat, she didn't MAKE you.
Man up.
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