A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My parents divorced some months ago. The night my mom left, my father checked the house for things that were missing (she took appliances and some stuff) and through his gold (a couple family rings, etc), and it was there.The next day, my boyfriend and I were packing things she left behind, and we found my dad's gold. Now, I HONESTLY don't remember who found the box: if it was my boyfriend or if it was me. What I know is that there wasn't much stuff there. I told my dad, and when he saw the box we got crazy. Apparently there was stuff missing. I checked my gold (I have a small box with it, hidden on my shirt drawer) in front of my dad and boyfriend to see if it was all there. Its was. In the end, he brushed it off.Today, my dad called me, asked me to come home and made me look for my gold. I though he was making a written inventory for the divorce papers. I looked and found nothing. He then told me he was cleaning behind my furniture, and found his wedding ring, one of the things that were missing from his own box of gold.Now, I HONESTLY knew nothings of this. I never noticed my gold wasn't on my drawer and I obviously knew nothing about his ring.He then proceeded to tell me that only me, my boyfriend and him knew about both boxes of gold. My dad thinks that my boyfriend took the gold, hid it under my closet, then when he was leaving took it with him.Then my dad told me about how once $50 disappeared from his study, but he never told anything, as it happened when my mom was still here, and he though she had taken it (tho she said she hadn't).I noticed that a month ago (give or take) my boyfriend had much money. I asked him and he said it was his holiday bonus, I took his word (why shouldn't I?). He spent it on clothing, dinners and gifts for me.My boyfriend spent last night here (left at 5am) and he actually took a whole box of cookies (they were there when he came over, weren't there in the morning). My dad also thinks some frozen meat we had is gone too.My dad is going to the police tomorrow. He'll report the gold as missing, and the police will probably search shops that buy gold and, in cases like this, the police will give my dad a list of images. If my dad recognizes any piece, the person who sold it will be prosecuted.Honestly, I KNOW he took the cookies. Because, well, I didn't ate them. The meat I have no idea.But the gold.. I don't know. I mean, it's possible, doable, he was never alone at my place, maybe if I had to go to the restroom or something.. And if is proven guilty, I'll dump him on the spot. But how will I ever deal with this?This is a guy who holds my hand, says I'm beautiful, holds me when it's thundering (yes, unsolved childhood issues there), introduced me to his mother, his SON, took me to his grandma funeral, said he loved me.I'm so heartbroken, and I still haven't had the chance to talk to him.Please help me, I don't how to react! I am devastated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): "This is a guy who holds my hand, says I'm beautiful, holds me when it's thundering, introduced me to his mother, his SON, took me to his grandma funeral, said he loved me."
Op non of that is relevant here im afraid. Most people who steel from their partners are also otherwise loving, caring, understanding and so on. The fact that he took you to a funeral, held you when you needed it and says he loves is all well and good but it doesn't make him innocent.
Lets assume for a moment that these thefts HAVE taken place. Looking at the facts you've given there appears to only be four "suspects" in this: You, Your father, Your BF and your mother.
Its not you as you know. Why would you father steal something he already has in his possession? why would your mother take things AFTER splitting up that she could have taken when she left with the other stuff? Who does that leave left to be the guilty party?
If someone else had sneaked in to the house and stole these things it would make no sense for them to steel these few items and nothing major or to take a piece of meat.
Sorry OP but sounds like he is guilty to me. I may be wrong but you KNOW he took the cookies. Okay that's not much in itself but would I go to my GFs house and steel cookies? NO!!!!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 my former step daughter had a "friend" she went to the bathroom and he walked into my bedroom and scooped up a handful of jewelery I had on the dresser. she never knew it and because she had such lousy taste in friends i no longer allowed her friends in my house.
don't assume he didn't do it because you never left him alone... if you went to the bathroom, and he knew where to look and what to grab he surely could have done it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): How unusual. Well you don't say much about his character, his upbringing, his financial status. These are all important factors in determining if he had a motive to do this...Did he have a rough upbringing? If so, he might have been exposed to such behavior his whole life and does it himself. Learned behavior. Is he struggling to get by? If so, that could be a motive to steal. And if he has a son and no money, that could be another motive, to make his child support payments on time. What about his character? Is he an honest person? Have you ever caught him in a lie(s)? Does he have a criminal record? Has he ever been in trouble with the law? What are his values concerning basic rights, such as do not steal, do not lie, do not cheat? I mean you both have been dating for awhile so I'm sure you've gotten to know about his values and his character, looking back, is there anything that strikes you as weird?If he has been in trouble before with the law the chances that he did do this are even more plausible. My dad had this big wad of cash he used to keep in his closet when I was younger. Me and my sister took money from there when we needed it, part of the reason he kept it there. My sister went in the closet one day with her friend to get cash, her friend followed her in. Then they went out. We used to generally always keep our front door unlocked. A few days later, when she knew no one was home, my sisters "friend" let herself in and stole all the money. Don't remember how we found out it was her, but her mom made her come over and apologize to my dad and sister and her mom wrote my dad a check for what was stolen. I had to hold my sister back from confronting her. And obviously they never spoke again. So, stuff like that can happen...it sucks...So I guess there is only one way to find out and I hope you get your answer. And for your sake, I hope it wasn't him. That would be awful.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 April 2013):
 What's the most telling of this is that *you* have a shred of doubt here, and that you are actually thinking that your boyfriend might have it in him to steal. You questioned his having money, and you ate cookies he took without asking, and that while your dad was cleaning behind YOUR furniture, he found the wedding ring. Did I catch that correctly?
Why would your dad's wedding ring be hidden behind your furniture? It could only be you or your boyfriend, and your boyfriend has already shown a comfort for taking things.
I differ from the others and say DO NOT talk to your boyfriend about this, at least not yet. The police aren't going to do anything about your Dad's reporting things, because they simply can't, and their workload is extremely high.
Your best shot is to say nothing to your boyfriend, and you and your dad set up a "sting", meaning if your boyfriend steals money or cheap valuables, set up a camera and set out a low amount of cash, say $20 or $40 in a place he would be around, similar to the conditions upon which he allegedly stole the other $50. This may take time, but do you want to know the truth or don't you?
Anyways, set up the camera next time you invite your boyfriend, and then simply open the opportunity, as in leave the room or ask him to get you something to drink or a snack. If he's a thief, he will eventually expose himself, and then you and your dad will have it on tape as proof.
Don't believe it won't work? Here's an example of it working perfectly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpKSuRsQx2E
The lady had been suspecting someone was taking money from her, so she quietly set this up. Caught the janitor doing it in next to no time.
This guy may be loving, but you deserve to know if he has this in him, and you aren't entirely sure he's honest. Now YOU be honest -- don't hide from the truth and "feel guilty" setting up the sting. If he ignores the valuables, then everyone's okay and none the wiser. If he *is* a thief, you have to get away from him before he gets into really big trouble.
My son had a thief for a friend. He set the kid up by marking the stuff he was interested in in invisible ink. (in this case, the sleeves of his trading cards that the other kid was stealing). The kid did it again, and we confronted him in front of his mom. She went utterly mortified when I pulled out the little blacklight and exposed very clearly my son's initials on the sleeve. BTW, that's another thing your dad can do.
Does your boyfriend have a drug problem? That's usually the number one reason why someone steals. Does he act off at all or have any prescriptions for pain you didn't know he had? Does he have a criminal record as well?
Time to get smart here. Your boyfriend may be innocent, which is why it's not good to confront him directly without proof. You can set up the sting, prove his innocence, and no one gets hurt. Or you can set it up, catch him in the act, and save yourself a world of pain.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2013):
Why don't you tell him what happened as clearly as you told it here (leave out the part about the pawn shop in case he hasn't gone yet). Tell him you want to hear his side of the story and use your best judgement to determine if you believe he's innocent or guilty.
Don't fight your instincts; I have in the past and I've proven to myself time and time again that they were correct (unless you're overly paranoid but you don't seem so).
Is there a chance things were misplaced? My wife lost her wedding ring 4 years ago when we were moving and we just found it a month ago in the most unlikely spot.
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