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age
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writes: Hi, am 21 years old and I met a 40 year old man 2months ago, he told me that he was interested in me so we exchanged numbers. Since then we met only twice but he communicates with me everyday. We never have serious conversations, he always asks how am doing, goodnyt and goodmorning that's all we always talk about. I don't know if I am overreacting or maybe he is just taking things slow, please help am confused and tired of waiting
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanna take ths time and thank you all for your advice, it really helped me a lot.., I decided to let go and told me man to never ever contact me again, he said ok. I feel much better today. I don't what I would have done without you guys, thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 OP we are giving you advice, it’s just not the advice you want to hear. That seems to be the trend this week (there’s usually a weekly trend around here, this week it seems to be that we aunts are not being supportive of relationships and giving advice)
If the advice is to let it go because the “relationship “ is going nowhere… how is that not advice?
But here you go, YOU LIKE HIM (or you think you do, you really don’t have much to go on) So if he’s SHY (which Is what you are hoping I bet) then you must take the bull by the horns and go for what you want. ASK HIM OUT. SLEEP WITH HIM and then you will have his attention. He will never love you or care about you and you will always wonder if it was the sex that got him or he really cares about you but you will have him in your life somewhat. (NOT FOLKS THIS IS SARCASM and NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY)
Basically if you want to know where he stands and what he wants ASK HIM. You have his number, pick up the phone and CALL HIM and say ‘hey I really like you and would like to consider getting to know you better and seeing if we can have a relationship, how do you feel about that?” And then come back and tell us what he says and we can advise you from there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): You "like" a guy and want a "relationship" with a guy that you admit you hardly know and you've barely met...
If you hardly know him, barely met him, how on earth would you know you want a relationship with him? Or that you like him? You admit you dont even know him. What if he is a serial killer? What if he's got a small dinky? What if he has halitosis (really bad breath)? What if he is really hairy? Or just a really rude person, a side of him you haven't seen yet?
He could be one big deal breaker after another and you don't know because you don't even know him. So why are you presuming you like him and want a relationship with him? It's too soon for you to know this since realistically, you don't know him. This is something you should think about before this fantasy you've made up of him becomes more and more real to you.
As for why he is short with you and taking things "slow" I agree completely with the first poster. He's playing a game. When I first read your post, that was my first instinct too. That he is showing you bits of attention so that you stay interested, but not enough attention that way you become impatient and you do all the chasing. It's a game. I am positive that's what's going on.
There are a few reasons I can think of why he would do this but none point to anything good or promising for you. He wants to sleep with you without the guilt of feeling like he led you on. So if you chase him, he can use that to justify in his own mind and to you (later on) that he never did anything to give you the impression he wanted anything serious with you. He'll say YOU chased him. He'll claim he was just being friendly.
This is all very calculated. He knows what he's doing, don't forget he's 20 years older than you. And he has a game plan: for you to do all the work so that he doesn't have to feel responsible. And he has one goal in mind: to sleep with you. Nothing more.
That's it. That's why he is taking things "so slow."
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo very confused! Yes I like the guy and want a relationship with him, I don't know much about him since we hardly meet, he told me he has 1daughter but not with the mother, I believe these site is for helping those who need relationship advise, and that is what I need right now!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
You met this older secretive man about two months ago. He said he was interested and you exchanged numbers. Since then you have met him twice (average about once a month) but he contacts you daily with just casual chat. You want to have a relationship with him, but have no clue what he’s up to and want to know how to proceed.
I always like to recap what the OP posts in hopes that in someone else’s words reality will hit. I fear not in this case so questions must be asked.
What other than his phone number and his name do you know about him?
Ever married?
Current living situation?
Does he have children? How old are they? Where are the mothers of these children?
When did you meet him was it say lunch time during the week or weekend evenings?
You say he’s not married… and you know this how?
It’s possible he’s not married but in a committed relationship and is just using you for a “safe” ego stroke… it does not sound like he’s advanced to an emotional affair at this point.
IF he’s taken he’s off limits
If he’s not taken then he’s not interested in you as anything more than a chat buddy or else he would have progressed more I think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Well he told me that he wasn't married, its not like I believed him though
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): how do you know hes not married OP? do you think he would tell you if he was?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2013):
Tired of waiting for what? What guarantee did he give you?
First of all, it's likely he's in a relationship. Second if you're not happy with the way things are, you can do something about it instead of relying on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOhh by the way, he is not married..
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): sounds like a married man OP or at least living with a woman.
Classic mid life crisis "go out with a girl in her early twenties behind my wife's back to give my ego a boost" scenario.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 I'd guess that his WIFE doesn't allow him to be alone with his phone for any length of time... so that compromises his opportunity to be interested in you....
Good luck...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): He is playing a little game with you. He small talks with you, waiting for you to start running after him. That's a special technic men use. He keeps you around by calling, talking and ...does nothing. One day you will finally loose your patience and ask him out, or just throw yourself on him, and from that moment on you will be doing all the work.
Don't play alone. I was there myself, and believe me its not a pretty picture. You are very young, you will have time to enjoy 40 years old in a future.
Also with age men get lazy. They know all the tricks to get a woman very easy with minimum effort, especially young like you are.
He also understands how young you are and probably realizes that you are at very different stages of your lives. He has already done many things that is ahead of you, and developed a certain attitude for life and people. He ll have you of course for sex may be, but only if you put an effort into this.
Looks like it at least. It's not going to be a situation that he is after you taking you out, and courting you.
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