A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 20, he's 21.We have been speaking for just over 3 months now. But only been dating for just over a month.We both have an iPhone and a Blackberry so we find it easier to just speak over Blackberry Messenger. (I don't like texting, and I don't like the whole "last seen online at ____" on whatsapp and neither does he)At first, there was never really an issue as to who spoke to who first, because our conversations never ended.We used to reply to each other throughout the day, then one of us would fall asleep and just reply to the other person in the mornings, and the conversation would just flow like that for weeks and weeks.Now, we have reached a stage where instead of falling asleep on each other, we say goodnight to each other every night we have spoken.We talk a lot at times and bare minimum on other days. It really just varies, the week before last, we barely spoke to each other, varied from 5mins - 1 hour each day, but this past week we have been speaking all day every day up until 3-4am in the night.But I have noticed, we say goodnight, then we wake up the next day and seeing as there's nothing to reply back to, we don't speak unless I start a conversation most of the time. There are random days that he will start a conversation too, but it's quite rare. I would say that 75-80% of the time, it's me. He will say hello one or two days a week, the rest of the days it's me saying hello. Now, I didn't mind it too much to begin with, because once I've said hello, our conversations are so fun, jokey, he replies and talks just as much as I do, he'll keep the conversation going as well, and we just talk about random things, funny things, personal info, etc.He HATES phone calls, and I'm not really a fan of them myself, but I do like some occasionally so I've told him this and he said he doesn't mind speaking to me on the phone from time to time if that makes me happy. So whenever I ask him if I could call him (I ask beforehand because I don't like interrupting people) he ends up calling me instead.Overall, things are good between us, no problems, we get on well, we don't see each other all the time but I'm okay with that, we are not in a relationship yet but we are exclusively dating one another and hoping for it to progress into something more but we are seeing how it goes, neither of us want to rush, but so far things are going well. He does make me happy, things are slowly blooming between us so I would say it's still very early days even if I have known him for 3 months.The only question is, do you think he has gotten too used to me starting a conversation all the time? And that's why he doesn't feel the need to do so?There have been times I've had to hint it, so I might say something like "Lol let's hope you don't disappear tomorrow" and he will acknowledge that and start a conversation with me the next day. Or if I say "Maybe you'll drop a hi first this time :P" and he'll do so the next day. I say it all in a jokey way, I write 'lol's and do smiley faces so I don't come across too serious.I've also noticed, that on Blackberry messenger, you can change your status/picture, he doesn't say "Hello, how are you?" but will only speak if I put a status up and he will reply to that, or if I change my picture and he will comment on it, so if I were to not change anything, he wouldn't end up saying anything for days.Which lead us to not speak for 4 days (I would say that's long for us, only because we speak everyday.) and this was a while ago, before we started saying goodnight to each other. I did not change my picture or put up a status for days, so he didn't say anything, so when I did finally write something, he wrote "Why have you been M.I.A for? I've missed you." - which made me think that he was expecting me to start a conversation or waiting for me to write a status or something so that he could say something, when he could've simply just said hello to me. (At this time I was waiting how long it took for him to actually say something without me speaking to him first)I usually say 'Hi how are you doing' or something, but he'll never start a conversation like that, maybe he doesn't want to disturb me if I'm busy or maybe he just doesn't feel the need to force a conversation and finds it easier when there's something to talk abou? So if I were to write a status about a film or a tv show perhaps, he could respond to that and then that would be our topic of conversation, and it would flow.What's your opinion?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 going a few days without contact won't kill you.
stop being the one to start the messages in the morning if it bothers you so much.
having a relationship via online and texting when you can spend time together seems a bit like hiding to me.
When my hubby and I were LDR and dating I wanted daily contact. He did not. I talked to him about it and told him I needed more contact that he did. I preferred phone calls. He hates texting and emails (and was not crazy about the phone either) but he sucked it up and agreed to my calling him every night when I got into bed. Eventually that morphed into him requesting that I ALSO call him at 8 am to make sure he was awake.
some days our contact was 2 30 second phone calls and that was it.
after 3 months being in constant contact is a bit much, the honeymoon is coming to an end and real life occurs.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 April 2013):
 TELL him. He doesn't know how to read minds. Just be honest and stop with the passive-aggressive :"LOL maybe you can write first next time - tee hee.." You WANT this so don't make it a joke. Because he thinks you are joking when you really are not.
Also if you are wanting to date this guy, talk to him about spending more time FACE-TO-FACE because it might feel like it, but you can't really carry on a relationship over IM. At least not til you have a good foundation of REALLY knowing each other. And honestly, texting (or IM'ing) back and forth.. is not getting to know each other in the same way as spending time together physically.
And when yo WANT/NEED something from him, tell him, because he really don't seem to take the hints at all, which in turn makes you mad and that is pointless but does have an rasy fix. TALK.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 April 2013):
Sorry, in all honesty I didn't read your whole question, but the bottom line is that this kind of thing is normal in a relationship and the only thing it signifies is the passing of time.
You're reading way too much into things and are borderline needy. Just go with the flow, contact him when you want to, and if he doesn't make you happy, move on. Don't force your expectations on someone else.
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