A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year now, we've had sex, taken part in oral sex on both parts. But the other day we had just had penetrative sex, so I was just led on the bed naked my legs slightly apart on my front, dozing slightly. He was sat on the bed, then he started rubbing my thighs and playing with my bum, then he said "your flaps look like a brain" then laughed about it. He's never mentioned anything so insulting about my genitals before, but it is something I have always been slightly worried about before hand, but have never mentioned it to him because he hasn't seem bothered himself. But I felt terrible after he said this, like there was something wrong with me, if it was on the other hand and I insulated his genitilia I know for fact that he would be upset! And I said this to him after and he had said how he was only joking... How can I overcome this, and also I have considered labia reduction before, but I think I am too young yet, should I take what he said seriously. I'm not just considering this because he has said this, I have been uncomfortable with how my vagina looks from a younger age x thank you
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male
reader, Flashtony +, writes (4 April 2013):
I've seen more than my fair share and belive me, they're all beautiful!
in fact larger and longer labia feel better when having sex...they seem to be wrapped around your shaft adding to the intensity and sensations. my guess is he just hasn't seen one as lovely as yours no doubt is!
don't consider surgery, do consider telling him that he hurt your feelings, how would he like it if you said his penis looked ugly?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): "I love it when someone hurt my feelings or insulted me, I hear, o, you just insecure".I don't agree with these statements. You are entitled to feel what you feel, and I'm not going to undervalue what you feel. He said stupid thing, comments like that shouldn't escape anyone's mouth. What exactly is bothering you about your vagina? My daughter had a surgery because her labia got so big because of horse back riding that she was uncomfortable wearing jeans. This surgery takes exactly 20 minutes. It's painfull as this place is very sensitive, but nowadays that have very strong painkillers. Recovery is a few weeks. In now way it's going to effect your libido. But that's if there is something wrong with your vagina. I don't see why if it's possible to correct something, not do it. To feel insecure about your body is mentally not a good thing.especially if it's correctable.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (3 April 2013):
Everyone has given you great advice hear sobi just want to add my vote for him just happening to offend you because you were just waiting to be offended, not because he intended anything bad.
I can't tell you how many times I've inadvertently put my foot in my mouth because I accidentally touched on a sore subject.
Your vagina is fine, and most likely beautiful. Don't fall victim to the need to be perfect; you're not, and that's fine. Love things about yourself, don't hate things you don't need to change.
Be aware that having vagina "lips" is not a big deal at all, especially on the grand scale of insecurities.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 The problem here is not so much what he said, but that you are very insecure about yourself. There are probably more women who are extremely self-conscious about their genitalia than aren't, it's normal but something that would be helpful to get past. How are you supposed to enjoy sex if you are more focused on whether a guy thinks you look good than your pleasure?
Unless they are so big or wrinkled that it makes daily activities painful, they are NORMAL. Big, small, wrinkly, lopsided, purple, brown, pink, ALL NORMAL. Chances are your guy hasn't seen many of them in person and is probably more fascinated than anything else.
Try to work on your self-confidence around this and I would strongly, STRONGLY recommend against a labia reduction. You are removing some of your most sensitive parts down there, you have the potential to ruin your ability to enjoy sex.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 When I read your submittal, I couldn't help but be amused by this:
HE SAID that the appearance of your labia was like a brain.... NOW, contrast that with the FACT that we guys actually HAVE A BRAIN in our genitals!!! It's that "lower" one that we think with so often... and which, more-often-than-not gets us in to trouble!!!!
Have a nice day.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Ok so he has no filter. It's not an insult... it was a statement of fact to him.
I think you are blowing this way out of proportion.
just like women come in all shapes sizes and colors so do our genitalia. And so do men.
it's part of life.
TRUST ME on this, having been through reconstructive surgery that I NEEDED... I would never subject myself to that pain again just for looks.... so NOT worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Dont get worked up over it. If you truly know that he cares for you then I don't think he would say anything to hurt you. It was probably you the slip of the tongue.
And form what you said it is your labia that you dont like. How do you know that he dose not like it. I dont like my whole P**** as I think it is way too fat but my partner loves it as he says their is more "to get into" lol. What I mean is not everyone has the same opinion that you have about you self.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): OP it was just a slip of the tongue and happened to hit a really sore spot of insecurity for you.
OP I'm mid-30's and I still slip up that way. My friend was recently talking about how she hated her legs, I know yeah compliment fishing, so I decided to tell her how guys hate stick legs and really like shapely legs. Well guess what, "shapely" is apparently the most insulting thing anyone has ever said about her legs and she felt worse about them after that.
OP a guy your age has no concept of insecurity about how a vagina looks. I still don't get the big deal, no one sees it, most women never take the time to actually spread their legs in front of a mirror and see it from our point of view and frankly we love vaginas and most of us like a nice meaty labia (you're offended by me saying "meaty" aren't you?).
OP you know for a fact he didn't mean it the way you took it, you also know if he had any idea how you'd take it he would not have said it.
Just explain to him the whole deal with your insecurity, allow him to apologise and understand that he loves your vagina in all ways.
OP please don't get a labia reduction. If it's causing you physical pain fair enough, but for a lot of us guys they're the best part. I truly love long ones to play with etc. I really don't find the idea of a pre-pubescent looking labia-less vagina appealing.
Seriously if you have any insecurity about how it looks then check out the full range of other women's. This site was created by a woman with the same issue as you for women with your issue.
http://vaginasoftheworld.tumblr.com/
The whole joy of vaginas to us guys beyond the sexual is that each one is unique to each woman, I've had the honour of being allowed to get close to well over a 100 different ones in my dating life and as long as they're clean and disease free I loved all of them. There is no such thing as an ugly vagina.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 April 2013):
Why is it insulting? Guys are fascinated by vaginas but get us to describe anything about how they look or feel is pretty challenging! You boyfriends comparison to a brain is quite creative and not at all negative. Both of you should explore each other and describe and discuss, it's very good for intimacy and breaking down barriers and taboos, etc. we are all people, different shapes sizes and colors, and we love our partners exactly as they are. I have no doubt your labia are totally totally NORMAL!!! They change a lot, they swell, they shrink, and you should see them after childbirth! And they recover like heros! Love your labia, and love your boyfriend for wanting to talk about them, get a mirror, get him, talk, maybe he licks a bit here and there, and banish your childhood phobias!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Don't take what he says seriously. Men often put their foot in their mouth. What would the world come to if every woman took a mans every word seriously?
He was just thinking out loud and not thinking at all. Happens all the time.
Women do it too, don't get me wrong, but we tend to do so mostly when in hysteria or crying and sobbing about something and then we forget what we even said and the guys just suck it up and shrug it off. You need to learn how to shrug it off as well.
You told him how it made you feel. That was good. He told you it was not serious and apologized (or at least it sounds like he tried to apologize). Also good. Now it is water under the bridge.
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