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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I don't feel as though the guy I'm seeing is 'allowing' me to open up to him!?
Q. I've been confused for the last few days. I have ongoing family issues that I am dealing with. (Parents divorcing, dad having an affair, dad leaving the country to start a life with the 'other woman') Although this all happened in 2011, it still ...
A. 10 April 2013: Dear OP,
Thank you for your follow up. I can see easily why you are so angry with your dad. And I can’t imagine how angry and hurt you are.
Do you WAIT for your dad to contact you or do you attempt to contact him also? If you have an ... (read in full...)
After five years the cousin thing is a dealbreaker?
Q. so me and my cousin have been together for five years and have lived together for four years... last week he broke up with me because we are cousins. He has known this from the beginning. I thought we were over the cousin drama thing after the first ...
A. 10 April 2013: Well if it's one of his FRIEND'S FAMILY, then he's using it as an excuse.... (read in full...)
I don't feel as though the guy I'm seeing is 'allowing' me to open up to him!?
Q. I've been confused for the last few days. I have ongoing family issues that I am dealing with. (Parents divorcing, dad having an affair, dad leaving the country to start a life with the 'other woman') Although this all happened in 2011, it still ...
A. 10 April 2013: I did NOT say you didn't have a right to be mad.
I did say your dad did not leave you. He's still your dad. You receive calls and emails from him. He's still your dad, he calls you and emails you. I know you are mad that he left your mom and ... (read in full...)
I made a big issue of my husband not being able to about his dead mom!
Q. I feel my partner has never properly grieved for his Mother. She passed away when he was 14 after battling with cancer for years but her death came quite suddenly. He has younger brothers who were 10 and 8 at the time. He is now 27. This is litera...
A. 9 April 2013: YOU feel left out. You said "I know it sounds pathetic but I feel the whole family have this big connection or secret and I have no part in knowing."
you do not feel part of the family because of this.
You have no clue how he has grie... (read in full...)
Fingered, am I still a virgin?
Q. Hi, I've been fingered by my boyfriend a few times and I don't know if I'm still a virgin or not.I'm scared that I might not be a virgin anymore.please help, am I still a virgin?...
A. 9 April 2013: I feel that your question requires a more detailed response that yes you are still a virgin.
I did a search and was not happy with a lot of the websites and answers.
this one I liked:
http://www.plannedpar... (read in full...)
How do I make this girl fall in love with me?
Q. i love a girl since i was in 4th class , she used to talk with me , we were friends , but in 8th class when she knowledged that i loved her or i have a crush on her because some students got to know about my crush on her and her friends started to ...
A. 9 April 2013: You must learn to accept that not everyone you want will want you back.
If you want more than friendship and she does not, then you can accept her terms and be her friend or not be friends with her but you can't make her want to be more than fr... (read in full...)
BF shopping for sex toys with his EX?
Q. Hello everyone. I am 22, and have been with my boyfriend (elder than me)around 3 years. We are quite sweet recently. But yesterday he told me that, his female colleague (21 year old, mistress of my bf's friend) invited him to shop sex toy with him...
A. 9 April 2013: I have gone sex toy shopping with my boyfriend, with my husband, with my girlfriends... I can't say that I would never go to a sex toy store with a male friend (I can think of one or two I would go with but I have no intentions of being sexual with ... (read in full...)
Do I date my friend that is at another school?
Q. im a 14 yr old girl my best guy friend is 15 we like each other but we go to different schools and he choose me out of all the girls that like him what should i do should i date him or just remain friends...
A. 9 April 2013: my first real boyfriend went to a different school but we lived close and he had a car already so we saw each other a lot.
we dated from when I was 15 1/2 till I was nearly 18.
this was before cell phones, email the internet, social med... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friend tried to set him up with another girl behind my back.
Q. I saw on my boyfriends phone that a friend of his texted him a pic of another girl. Followed by, "what do you think?" Mind you my boyfriend had erased all the text messages between them prior to this. Anyway, my boyfriend replied, "that could be ...
A. 9 April 2013: CindyCares always steals my thunder! Your boyfriend has no balls honey. He didn’t have the nerve to tell his friend “NOT INTERESTED I HAVE A GF”? Seriously??? If it was when you were fighting and she was there to help him get his mind ... (read in full...)
It bugs me that he's paying for his ex's phone plan
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He has a 14 yr old daughter from another relationship. He was never married to her mother but they are still on good terms for the most part. They never set up a formal parenting time ...
A. 9 April 2013: So it's not about the money amount
or the lack of planned visitation
or the fact that they get along so well they never needed court intervention.
He pays her cell phone bill. it's part of their deal. I assume she has a fixed plan and the amo... (read in full...)
I find the behavior of my boyfriend's friend disrespectful, how should I deal with it?
Q. Okay, hey everyone. I'm looking to get some advice here because my mind is just all over the place right now. I'm going to be as respectful as I can about this post so please don't get the wrong idea that I am intentionally being judgemental or mean ...
A. 9 April 2013: I will start by answering your questions. It does sound very familiar to another question a few weeks back… if that was you please let us know.
Why does she not like you?
I have no clue… maybe she doesn’t either. To be honest, it doesn... (read in full...)
I don't feel as though the guy I'm seeing is 'allowing' me to open up to him!?
Q. I've been confused for the last few days. I have ongoing family issues that I am dealing with. (Parents divorcing, dad having an affair, dad leaving the country to start a life with the 'other woman') Although this all happened in 2011, it still ...
A. 9 April 2013: A couple of things... your dad left your mom NOT you.
this is not about you and it's nearly 2 years ago. IF you can't let it go then you should get some therapy to work on it.
secondly TEXTING is no way to have a relationship and hav... (read in full...)
Could a policeman be called away from home on work duties for 3 weeks?
Q. hi ive just found out that a policeman fancies me, but he hasnt been at home for the last 3 weeks, do they work away for that length of time or am i paranoid and thinking he met someone else?...
A. 9 April 2013: So he fancies you. I assume you fancy him right back or you would not be asking and worrying about him meeting or being with someone else.
Maybe he's on holiday.
Maybe he's away for a family crisis.
Maybe it's work. My co-worker's hu... (read in full...)
I'm losing patience with his son
Q. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 1 year. He and his 15 year old son moved in with me and my 7 year old and we have been trying to all get along. Since day one, his son has refused any type of socialization with me in the house. He stays ...
A. 9 April 2013: Well such hate for living together. Just because a couple chooses not to marry does not mean they are not committed fully. I did not need to marry my husband to be fully committed to him for life. I did NOT want to get married. I married him ... (read in full...)
We didn't have much of a connection, should I just let him go?
Q. Hi so I met this guy online a couple of years ago,we spoke for like a year before we met,he came to see me..and I realised we had nothing to talk abt since we have no common friends or similar interest! Anywys we stayed it touch after the meet but...
A. 9 April 2013: no connection, no real interest, what are you thinking will happen if you don't let it go?
and what's not to let go?... (read in full...)
Did he really get condoms to use with the toy?
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some answers here as I am a nervous mess right now. I previously was here asking about condoms in my boyfriend's school bag which he claimed to have packed for a trip we were taking. Most people said believe him so I lef...
A. 9 April 2013: You don't trust him. That's because he's lied to you in the past.
Trust is hard to rebuild.
If you can't manage to trust him, then I'm not sure the relationship is worth it. I mean do you really like questioning everything you find ... (read in full...)
After five years the cousin thing is a dealbreaker?
Q. so me and my cousin have been together for five years and have lived together for four years... last week he broke up with me because we are cousins. He has known this from the beginning. I thought we were over the cousin drama thing after the first ...
A. 9 April 2013: Someone clearly said SOMETHING to him about it.
Perhaps an inheritance will be withheld if he continues with you....
if you live in a state where first cousins can legally marry (I assume you are first cousins) then legally it's not an ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mother tries to hook him up with his own cousin.....
Q. I'm in a very uncomfortable, awkward, and disgusting situation and I just have no clue how to deal with it. I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and we've been living together for the last two. Me and his mother have never got along, but I ...
A. 9 April 2013: Well since she's all talk, J is not around, and your boyfriend is not interested, I'm not sure why his MOTHER'S behavior bothers you so.
It's not threatening your relationship is it?
Personally if Honeypie is right and she does it because ... (read in full...)
He wants a relationship, but not with someone with children
Q. So I pretty much know what I should do, but I wanted a second opinion... There's this guy I started to hang out with outside of work (we're co-workers sort of). He has a temporary job working in the district I permanently work in. We started hangi...
A. 9 April 2013: This is a case of LISTEN to his words...
if you want more being around him will suck for you.
I think that if he's leaving in June, that saying good bye is the best plan.
... (read in full...)
She says that I'm just a friend and now is pretty much avoiding me
Q. 6 Months ago I fell in love with this girl to this day I am still in love with her, I used to obsess about her and when I finally became friends with her things started to get better but then I told her I liked her she avoided eye contact smiled ...
A. 9 April 2013: She's not interested in being more than a friend but clearly she likes the attention you give her as you try to make her more....
then once you step up your game, she backs off again because she's NOT interested in more than a friendship a... (read in full...)
How do I make him realize that I'm a catch and he needs to make some effort!
Q. Hi, I have been friends w a guy for 12 years. He admitted to me about 5 years ago that when we first knew each other, in grad school, he had a big crush on me and kept his distance from me because of that. For the middle part of our friendship he ...
A. 9 April 2013: I don't think anything you do will make him see you as a catch
you are the girl he can neck with and finger at the bar.
he knows if he has sex with you that you will assume he's yours to do with as you please so he's smart enough to kee... (read in full...)
I lost my friend over a rude text that I didn't send to him!
Q. I recently had a sexual encounter with a friend (married)(someone I've known since childhood),we re-connected and talked on the phone for over a yr and saw ea. other daily. Our relationship became sexual no strings attached. A family member decided ...
A. 9 April 2013: As usual AuntyEm nailed it.
He used the text as an excuse to end something with you that he wanted over and didn't want to be an adult about ending.
IF his wife said he could be friends with you if you only saw him when they were together..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 9 April 2013: Chigirl you know I love you and I agree with your posts.
you said a few things I want to address:
"It does impact his home and his life. It impacts his relationship with his girlfriend. His drug (ab)use has gotten to the point where he can't k... (read in full...)
I love her, she's my best friend but she's married
Q. I dont know where to start. I met this woman 8 years ago, and we are as close as ever. The problem is she is married and lives on the other side of the country. I am in love with her.. Always have been.. probably always will be. She knows i love...
A. 9 April 2013: You met her how? ONLINE? Have you ever met her in person?
You are in love with her. She does not know you are in love with her but she knows you love her is what you are trying to say. Trust me I’m betting she knows how you feel and it d... (read in full...)
Had a fling at a party, he's in a relationship, and now he's offered to meet up again
Q. Quick question Don't need a lecture cause I know this is bad but I was at a party last night and I was making out with a lot of people but mostly with one of my classmates boyfriend, they are in gay relationship and I'm gay myself. We was a...
A. 9 April 2013: I would text him back and tell him that what happened at the party was a mistake that won't be happening again.
then the ball is in his court to see if you two want to be friends.
... (read in full...)
Could his attitudes potentially drive a wedge between him and me, and affect me because of my own pet loving family?
Q. Hi guys, I am so desperately looking for help So there's this guy I really like. And he expressed he likes me a lot. And everything is leading up to the possibility of us dating, except today he said one thing that makes me worried about ou...
A. 9 April 2013: Depends on how important animals are to you.
I love dogs. BIG HUGE HAIRY dogs. I have had dogs on and off for most of my life.
My current husband does not like dogs and is allergic to them.
I am resigned to a pet free home and get my dog... (read in full...)
Does he really love me or does he just not want to hurt me?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years and have been having sex with him for just as long. We both agreed it was a "no strings attached" relationship. A few months ago we were both at the same bar and he acted like he didn't even know ...
A. 9 April 2013: he doesn't love you or not want to hurt you
he wants what he wants... he wants NSA sex with you...
nothing more nothing less.
the problem is that it's comfortable and easy now... no effort.
YOU are in love with him and want mor... (read in full...)
Should I experience my husband's friend?
Q. Any suggestions? I am 40 and have been married for 18 years and my husband has been my only sexual partner. Our sex life has had its ups and downs. Currently I have more sexual energy than my husband. This wasn't the case before, he wanted someth...
A. 9 April 2013: VERY bad idea.
I had an open marriage. It was a nice marriage. I loved my hubby with all his faults... we had always been open. I was fine and secure with him having his playmates but the minute I added a boy toy to our mix he lost it. the marr... (read in full...)
Is it really over or is he just trying to get me to contact him?
Q. Hi me and my ex broke up 6 wks ago after been together 2and a half yrs he had new gf 2 wks later he still says he loves me but he really likes her 2 i really miss him alot i stopped texting him 4 days ago he does.nt seem bothered that we're not ...
A. 9 April 2013: It’s hard to just walk away from a relationship of 2 years… but he’s done honey. And that hurts. I know you miss him and the relationship but it’s best for you to not think about it and not worry about what he wants and to move on and take care of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 9 April 2013: OP,
In your follow up you say your concern is the promises broken (even if he had the best of intentions would it have mattered if he had said “I’ll try but I can’t promise) and the lies.
I can understand your POV with this. I do not like... (read in full...)
I was snooping around boyfriend's home and found bags of ladies underwear, sex toys and porno!
Q. While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was ...
A. 9 April 2013: Well you shouldn’t have snooped, but you did and now you have to deal with the consequences of your bad behavior.
Why did he have these?
BECAUSE men masturbate and like porn, sex toys and some like ladies undies. Nothing abnormal or wrong wit... (read in full...)
He's confused me. Should I be concerned? He tells me he likes me, but he doesn't really act much on it.
Q. I met this guy through friends years ago but he lived in a different state. He recently moved to my town and we connected through facebook and started going out on dates. The first time we went out he tried to kiss me but I backed away and ...
A. 9 April 2013: OP I think you did send mixed signals. I think that the first two times he tried to kiss you and you blew him off were clear "friends only" signals. Personally I see nothing wrong with being physical with a date once you are past the age of ... (read in full...)
How can I get this man to bend? He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship
Q. I had a beautiful relationship with a man for ten months. We are both 38. We went through through alot together. He had been seperated from his wife for three years. They had no kids involved. The thing is his ex wife didnt really want him back, ...
A. 9 April 2013: OP, when I divorced my second husband, he did not want a divorce. He fought me on it. BFD in my opinion, I did not wish to be married to an abusive man any longer so I got a divorce without his consent. It can be done. His choice was to go... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 9 April 2013: Marijuana is not addictive in the physical sense. It can be psychologically addictive. NOT all folks who smoke daily are stoners. Everyday use can be recreational.. Much like having a beer when you get home from work. I’ll defend “the weed... (read in full...)
Girlfriend cheated, I no longer wish to be with her. She is emotionally blackmailing me saying she won't be able to live without me!
Q. i am in relationship for the past two years. everything was great until i caught my girlfriend cheating on me. even though i confronted her she somehow emotionally tricked me into staying with her. i am unable to forget this incident. i made it ...
A. 9 April 2013: I agree with Cerberus OP. Folks that threaten suicide as a way to get you to stay with them are not really going to do it, they are manipulating you. It's very hard to find that fine line of what to do and not do. In this case, I would say... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he won't date me because of the age difference
Q. Dear Cupid, this 24 year old and I have been talking for over a year. He's an amazing guy and he is a gentlemen. We are very alike personality wise and we are always happy together. We both went on a group trip recently and we saw each other but ...
A. 9 April 2013: Once you are 21 and he is 28/29, then the difference is not so bad. But for right now, even though you feel mature enough to handle it, you are not and the gap between 17 and 24 is huge. I know you like him and want to have more than a casual f... (read in full...)
My teenage son wears my women's underwear, what should I do?
Q. My son (16) steals my unders and we talked but I have not talked or to my husband about him putting things in his hind end while he does this. That bothers me so should I worry? It's been a lot of house hold items I unfortunately have picked up to ...
A. 8 April 2013: Locking things up so he can't INJURE HIMSELF.
He is putting large items into his anus?
Perhaps this is beyond teenage masturbation issues and the boy needs some professional intervention.
... (read in full...)
How can I tell him his snapping and shouting is hurting me?
Q. Hi , My partner and I have been together for four years. We both have full time jobs and we work all the time ( I often work when I get home from work and at weekends too when I need to- to be honest I enjoy working). Lately he has been sna...
A. 8 April 2013: Ok so you are not going to just up and leave. Therefore you have to set it up so he’s so miserable he throws you out right? Do you want leaving to be his idea?
Do you OWN the home together? Is your name on the DEED and the mortgage? Or d... (read in full...)
Online guy said he loved me and then he was just gone. I haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks!
Q. i'm 27 and i met a guy with the same age in a dating site. we had been talking in skype/ym or fb for almost every night for a month only, seeing each other's pictures and seeing each other in camera. well, he was always saying that he loved me so ...
A. 8 April 2013: You are correct, saying you love someone you have never met is not wise. There is no way you can love someone you have never met.
The reason he disappeared in my opinion is because you wisely would not play his “I love you, let’s plan our live... (read in full...)
Her roomate boyfriend is taking his male friend to see my ld girlfriend.
Q. Im in a one year ldr. my girlfriend just moved from her parents place and now she is sharing an apartment close to her campus with another girl. when her roomate boyfriend goes to see her, he comes along with his buddy. They talk and have drinks. ...
A. 8 April 2013: HOw old is your GF to your 30-35? Have you always been LDR?
how far apart are you?
how often do you see each other?
what's the plan to end the distance?
all of these questions require answers before I can tell you to relax or advise ... (read in full...)
Is sleeping with your housemate really such a bad idea??
Q. I have been living with a couple of girl room mates or should i say house mates as we do not share the same rooms for a while now. I initially found nothing attractive about them but recently, one of them has been catching my eyes and attentions. ...
A. 8 April 2013: HORRIBLE IDEA....
do not do it.
you have to live in the house together and if it doesn't work out one of you will want to or have to move.
I would not let her sit in your lap either. She's wrong to tease you like that.... (read in full...)
Need to move on from FWB situation
Q. I am 53 years old. I met a man 3 years ago after we both were fresh out of divorce. We dated and are good friends with benefits. He has helped me and I took care of him after an accident. I sold my house due to the divorce and he offered me to live ...
A. 8 April 2013: Him having sex with you nightly is not his way of saying "don't go I care more about you than I am willing to admit"
it's more of a "let's get it on while the getting's good as she's going to be leaving shortly"
Do not read more into this ... (read in full...)
A 3 year dead end relationship. Should I end it?
Q. Ok, here is my situtation and i am finally here and ask for help. background: i am 23, graduating in college in may, he is 49 yr old,college graduated, never married no kids and has a 9-5 job(not rich at all, i am saying that just because i do not...
A. 8 April 2013: Honey this is no way for you or anyone to live. This is not about his age. This is about an abusive man and the fact that you stay. You need to get out now.
There is no future with him and he’s abusive.
Yes please end it as soon as possible... (read in full...)
My mom is sleeping with a guy my age!
Q. My Mom is Sleeping with a Guy My Age. Advice? My mom is 45 and she's sleeping with a 21 year old guy I knew while growing up. I'm her only son (only child) and I'm 20. I don't think this is right, or appropriate at all. I think she should act h...
A. 8 April 2013:
I’m sorry you are having a hard time with your mom having a life now that you are grown. I guess the issue is more that you know this guy and see him as a contemporary. I guess maybe it would be easier if it wasn’t someone you knew from grow... (read in full...)
He's confused me. Should I be concerned? He tells me he likes me, but he doesn't really act much on it.
Q. I met this guy through friends years ago but he lived in a different state. He recently moved to my town and we connected through facebook and started going out on dates. The first time we went out he tried to kiss me but I backed away and ...
A. 2 April 2013: he tried to be more than friends.
he's tried twice to kiss you and both times you blew him off.... do you think he's thinking third times the charm?
I agree with Tisha totally.. if you want more than just a casual friend with this guy the ba... (read in full...)
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