A
male
age
26-29,
*ittleMan
writes:Just a quick question. If you like this girl and you suspect she likes you back, you don't make a move for romance and instead become friends. Can that take away any feelings she might have had for me and does it ruin any chance I'd ever have to get in a relationship. Did I just make a big mistake?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 At YOUR age 2 years older and in uni vs at high school (I think you guys call it college) is a big gap to surmount.
so in the case of 16 in high school vs 18 in college, then yes just friends is the best way to go.
in a few years when you are out of uni and you meet a woman who is 2 years older and you like her.. then go for it do not accept friends if you want more.
A
male
reader, LittleMan +, writes (4 April 2013):
LittleMan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I should've gave more details, but she's 2 years older than me and in university
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A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 It's not that you automatically ruined your chances, but she might think you don't like her like that and move on to someone else. Or she might start to like you more while getting to know you better, I've fallen in love with a friend before but eventually I decided to stop waiting for him (but then again, I don't think he was ever really into me).
If you like her you should tell her now, if you think getting into the friendship was a bad idea you really don't have anything to lose (because if you'd made a move right away and she'd rejected you, there wouldn't be a friendship to begin with). Some great relationships have started with friendship, so you probably haven't ruined your chances :) just hurry up before she finds someone else!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): I think if you have feelings for someone, go for it. My last relationship ended because we both liked eachother but we had our walls up and were unsure (for months) how much each person liked the other. Of course there's no rush to jump into things straight away...just let it flow. But if it feels right, go with it. I wish I had of let myself go more with my ex because now it's too late and I don't have that 2nd chance. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Yeah you did. Never befriend a girl you want to date. You wouldn't get romantic with a girl you don't want to date, so don't become friends with one that you do.
OP what you're doing is called "settling", you're settling for something you think you'll put up with because you didn't have the balls to make your move.
OP regardless of what women tell you the friendzone is very real.
Sure they like to think that most of the time they know if they're interested from the start, but in my experience as a guy who's not as good looking as Brad Pitt, that's not true, most are on the fence initially and are very often surprized by how open they are to being with you even when initially they didn't think they were. Most of the women I dated weren't all that interested in me at the start I've heard "No offence but I never really thought I'd end up with a guy like you/you're not my usual type" more times than you've had dinners. If I'd befriended them, then they would have only felt the comfort and security of a friendship with me, that's the friendzone. But what I did is pursue them romantically, chased them, made them feel desired, made them feel special, sexy and all the things that make a guy like me very attractive to date.
OP when you befriend a girl she warms to you as a friend, when you try to romance a girl she'll warm to you romantically (not all the time of course).
Seriously, when it comes to girls your age they have no clue what they want or what they're really interested in, there is no chance in hell they'll ever get Justin Bieber and their crush probably doesn't even know they exist. So get in there and start showing them you're the guy who will make them feel that way too and actually can give them all that.
OP never befriend a girl you want to date, if you like her now then you're probably going to like her even more as time passes and you're only going to get further away from a relationship with them because while Chigirl is right, the best relationships generally start from friendships, That's mainly an adult thing, at 16-17 things are very different and dating is a lot more fast and furious, she will be taken by another guy and you'll have to watch all that happen and even listen to her talk about him as a friend. Not a nice position to be in.
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A
female
reader, Hobbiton  +, writes (3 April 2013):
Friendship is the soul of a working relationship. You haven't made a mistake, everything just takes time. If you rush into things and try to push your feelings on her, if she infact DOES have feelings for you too, you could scare her off completely.
If its right then she'll come to you. Tell tale signs will appear that she likes you back, otherwise just be happy you have her friendship.
There's nothing worse than having a friend who has feelings for you! It can lead to awkward moments and can even ruin the friendship completely.
You never know, you could be confusing your feelings altogether; some feelings and friendships are overwhelming and can become mixed up.
Take it slow and if it's meant to be, it will be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Google the "Ladder Theory" about women.
Yes, you absolutely can kill your chances of ever getting into her pants by becoming platonic friends first. Sometimes it can even happen when she already did have romantic feelings for you.
This is a hard lesson to learn but you are better off having learned it right now at your age. Lots of guys go on repeating this mistake until they are into their 20s.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Yes, you made a mistake. If you like her as more than friends don't be a fake and pretend you want just friendship. Instead be honest and make a move on her for a relationship.
However, becoming friends doesn't ruin your chances at a relationship. The best foundation for a relationship is friendship. Many strong and good relationships start out as friendship.
But it could be she's not interested in you, and doesn't like you in a romantic way. Being her friend, or making a move right away, doesn't mean you will get the girl. Most times she's just not interested from the start. Some times you can grow on her and make her like you over time, but often times it's something you know from the beginning. Either you have the right chemistry or you don't.
You're going to face several rejections before you meet someone who is as interested in you as you are in them, so don't give up on trying if you don't succeed at first! There are many many girls out there, and several would like to be your girlfriend. You just got to meet them first and make your moves.
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