A
female
age
30-35,
*alkingdead04
writes:Hey everyone! Me and my boyfriend have been with each other for just a little over 2 years now. We have had a great relationship and really love each other a lot. However, we have been having some problems lately and on top of that he has befriended a girl I am not too fond of. The girl worries me because well, I hate to say this but she has such a terrible reputation. She has dated a lot of my boyfriends friends, is known to be a home wrecker (has even caused trouble in someones marriage) sleeps around, is very flirty with people, etc etc. She is just that type of girl.Ever since she has met my boyfriend, she won't really leave him alone. Examples are like adding him on Facebook, posting on his wall, telling him how glad she is that she met him, even calling him her new best friend. Even recently adding him on skype and always trying to video chat with him late hours of the night (I'm usually not around with my boyfriend late at night as I have classes early in the morning), but he tells me what she's doing.This girl knows who I am and that I am with this guy. I have known about this girl even before she met my boyfriend. I know the type of girl she is, my boyfriend however is clueless to this girls intentions and thinks she is just being friendly. I have not really said anything to him about this girl, because I don't want to sound controlling, but this situation is really starting to bother me.What bothers me the most is that I know she doesn't like my boyfriend the way she acts like she does. She is like this with a lot of other guys. People are always telling me that she's been flirting and annoying them, I have even had a couple of my girl friends tell me she has been flirting with their boyfriend.And like I said, I am also having some problems with my boyfriend recently and now he has met this type of girl who is trying to take up so much of his time. I'm actually starting to constantly worry about this girl and what she is doing. I feel like she makes my boyfriend happy.What should I do about this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Ok let’s start with this… NO WOMAN can STEAL a MAN unless he WANTS to be stolen.
The problem is with ‘clueless’ guys is they have no clue they are being hit on and when they finally realize it they are so quick to back away from the girl going after them it’s comical. I’ve watched younger women go after my husband (when he was my boyfriend) an I’ve seen them blatantly hit on him (to the point of cleavage 6 inches from his face) and I just laughed. HE is so not interested in other women, that he can’t even see them hitting on him and they look pathetic in their attempts to garner his attention.
SO unless your man is ripe for the stealing (in which case the relationship is in bad shape to begin with) you have NOTHING to worry about, even if she gets on skype and dances a naked hootchie-coo for him and offers him a blow job. IF he’s hopelessly devoted to you, he will laugh at her. He will not cheat. SO do not BLAME HER if he cheats. IF HE CHEATS HONEY IT’S ON HIM.
Partnered people are so quick to blame a third party for problems in their relationship to enable them to ignore that the problems in their relationship are due to either their issues or their partners. NOT a third party.
You say “we have been having some problems lately” but you don’t elaborate. You also say “we really love each other a lot” and that always sets my radar up…. You are speaking for him based on what?
She asked him to be friends on facebook. He could have said NO. He didn’t. NOT her fault. HIS
If it bothers you, then you need to say something. NOT tell him he can’t be friends with her but just give him a heads up that it bothers you. I would NOT trash talk her like you did here. Just stick to the facts. ‘honey it bothers me that you’re so friendly with Sara now, I mean she’s trying to skype with you and says you are her new best friend and this makes me feel really insecure.” Because that’s what it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): I was in this situation a few weeks ago, and ended up losing my boyfriend over it.My advice is do not go crazy at him about her, sort out your other problems first.You say that you think she's making him happy, well that's your job. You are his girlfriend, not her. He's yours, remember that.If your problems are causing issues, talk about them! My ex was unhappy but pretended he wasn't in order to not hurt my feelings and it made it worse. I just wish I had talked it out with him.Have a long, deep conversation with him. Get your feelings out but don't yell. Try to be calm and maybe practice what you want to say to him.In my situation, my boyfriend thought we had lost the passion in our relationship. And that I didn't like to go out.In my point of view, I was just comfortable with him and didn't really see the point in going out when we could stay in together.People have different views on the same situation, and the only way to find out about it is to ask his opinion on things.If it turns out that its not actually working between you two after you've at least tried to fix it, then at least you know that you did everything you could.The truth is that even though it looks like she's trying to steal him away, to him they could just be friends. If you're actually worried about him going for her instead, then you really need to sort out your issues. I can tell you truly love him, and the fear of losing him is horrible. But you can fix it, don't just sit around and hope that it will fix itself. It won't.Relationships take a lot more work than you think, especially when the other person means the world to you. It's situations like these that make your realise if your relationship is strong or not.A third person shoving their nose where it doesn't belong is a pain in the ass, but you are in the relationship and so you can fix it.A relationship is two people, not three. Some bitches don't understand that and that's the hard truth.The girl that shoved her nose in my broken relationship now has my perfect guy. He was mine and now he's hers. Do not let that happen to you.Fix your problems while you can.I truly wish you the best of luck because I know exactly how it feels. And if its worth anything, I hate the bitch too. And I reckon you're a hell of a lot prettier than her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): You don't explain what problems you are having with your boyfriend. You give a complete rundown on what you don't like about this girl. Did you ask him why he befriended her on Facebook? Do the other girls you mention feel as threatened by her as you do?
She seems pretty busy chasing everybody's boyfriends.
When does she have so much time for yours?
She has this bad reputation, yet she gets befriended by your boyfriend? You say her pursuit of your boyfriend's time bothers you. If you haven't told him these things, he is assuming you're cool with it. There is nothing anyone can say that will reinforce your trust in your boyfriend's fidelity. You have to talk to him about it.
Pretty girls who flirt a lot tend to be pretty popular with guys. They often get bad reputations based on rumor, rarely by fact. Some rumors were started by guys who got dumped or rejected; others by girls who feel threatened by her looks and outgoing personality. How much do you really know to be fact about her? You're willing to believe the worst, because you just don't like her and think she's after your boyfriend.
If you aren't just being paranoid and insecure, you have every right to tell your boyfriend you don't intend to be played for a fool. You don't like the fact he befriended some local girl who flirts with him, and you find his nonchalance about your feelings to be hurtful.
If he makes no changes, or at least some compromise, to show you that there is nothing you should be concerned about, then the ball is in your court.
You can let the slut-girl have him, and settle for peace of mind over jealousy. Look for a good-looking and loving replacement. Someone you can develop a more trusting relationship. If you can trust men.
You have to resolve the unmentioned problems you are having with your boyfriend. You need concrete evidence before you accuse him of cheating on you. Not suspicions.
The unresolved issues in your relationship are weakening your sense of trust. You think he is rebounding based on his problems with you? If he uses that as an excuse, you have another reason to find his good-looking more loving replacement.
No one can guarantee that you'll find a guy who is immune, or hasn't been tainted by "the" (or another) home-wrecking slut-girl. Nor that she won't already be a friend on his Facebook page. There she'll be, with a totally slutty grin on her mug!
If you feel your BF has ulterior motives behind befriending the slut-girl on Facebook. Take a survey amongst all the other girls and find out what they're doing about their boyfriends who are under the spell of this little home-wrecking succubus.
My guess is that most of them aren't doing anything. Until they know for sure their boyfriends are actually hooking up with slut-girl.
She can't be half as dangerous as her reputation. If a guy cheats, the last girl he wants to be caught with is one that his girlfriend already knows about! There is something blood-curdling about a woman screaming: "UH-HUH, I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!!"
All eyes are on poor slut-girl, and I doubt she'll ever hook up with your BF without being seen by one of his or your friends.
You're a decent and loyal girlfriend, and you shouldn't feel threatened by someone so obviously used and discarded by men. If she is even a fraction as bad as the reputation she has been given.
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