A
male
age
41-50,
*opelessLee
writes:My girlfriend has recently been fantasizing about having sex with other girls. She has told me that she never has been with another woman or even likes the idea. Then all of a sudden she is having all these fantasies about being intimate with other women. Should I be worried?Does this imply that maybe the original statement of "I am not into that" suggest that was a lie?Should I support her experiencing this or would that just be opening up a big ole can of worms? I really love this girl but I have been having doubts in terms of her faithfulness and it is primarily due to my own paranoia... maybe. I don't know, I feel really uncomfortable and wanted to remove myself from the situation as fast as possible. Now she sees me reacting this way and things are feeling weird around the house. But I don't want her not telling me these things because I want our relationship to be as open as possible but I can't help the way I feel. Please help:)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2013):
 I think Tisha is right... if you are the one that posted about being called by her ex's name by her grandma and thinking of leaving because of that, I think Therapy may be your best bet.
If your GF feels safe enough to talk about her fantasies with you that's a great sign that she trusts you.
YOU keep looking for bad stuff... like the fact that she's having a fantasy and admits to it makes her a liar because "she's not into that"
Wow do you always have such black and white thinking? Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD or OCD or any other type of disorder that might lead to disjointed thinking?
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 They are just fantasies. I imagine she is telling you because she thinks stories like that will turn you on or spice things up in the bedroom. Try not to be so paranoid and enjoy it!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Okay, so this is the thing that has you on edge about her?
You're worried she's being unfaithful here and in the other question, you wonder if she's still hung up on her ex because her grandma had a slip of the tongue. So are you wondering if she is cheating on you with her ex, or something? But then the fantasies are about women.
She can't win, clearly.
You say you want open communication and honesty yet really you can't handle it, your emotions run wild and you make up all kinds of things that aren't apparent in real life.
At this point, I would say that you are too emotionally fragile and uncertain to even consider bringing in a third party into your sex life.
I would check into some therapy, preferably one that deals with irrational thinking, I think maybe some mindfulness type might be the way to go.
And for the time being, lay off asking your girlfriend to bare her soul to you; you can't handle it at this point and will make up something to unsettle yourself more.
If you really suspect her of being unfaithful, keep your eyes and ears open, ask if you can borrow her phone and see what happens.
But definitely, check into therapy.
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