A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've posted this problem before, and I'm not sure what to do. My husband and I are pregnant with our first child (6 months now), and I feel like we're growing apart. We both were very active together before pregnancy, and I still am to my abilities, but we don't do activities together anymore. Our sex-life has become stale. It's come down to a quickie once a week, so quick that I don't even have a chance to orgasm. Other times I try to initiate with a blow job, it turns into only that because he comes so quickly. I've had many talks with him about losing our connection to activities and wanting more from our sex-life. He listens to me, and expresses that he'll make an effort, but I don't see one after the conversation. We went on a vacation recently with friends, where he was gone most of the day with friends doing outdoors activities. I was left at the rental house alone most of the time. I occasionally went for hikes by myself. I felt lonely all week and told him, so he made an effort to spend the last day with me, but he was emotionally distant all day. He didn't take a single photograph of me on vacation either, while he had plenty of him with friends. I feel so neglected and alone. He's overall happy with having a baby. He talks to my belly and participates in the nursery renovations and housework. He's not giving any signs of cheating on me, or anything like that. Overall, he's just more distant emotionally. We don't talk like we used to nor have fun together. Besides occasionally going for a walk around the block with me or watching tv, he doesn't make an effort to spend time together. He doesn't give me massages anymore, or take me out on dates. There's overall a lack of enthusiasm I feel towards him, except when it comes to the baby. I've expressed that I miss having OUR time, and in conversation he says he'll make more time, but it doesn't happen, or the few times he tries to spend me with, his mind and emotions are elsewhere, or we're just doing chores together. I don't know what to do. I feel like all of my talks have been for nothing. The situation seems to get worse as each week goes by. I'm so lonely. I don't have many girlfriends and the ones that I do have are wrapped up raising their own babies, and don't have much girl time. I'm not terribly close with my family, and they live far away. I just keep wondering...will things change after the baby is born? Will our relationship get back on track then? Or is my relationship over or is this just a lull? What should I do? I find myself crying on a daily basis about all of this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I'm afraid for you OP that he may have the "Madonna-Whore Complex" and be aware that this may be an issue for him and there won't be much you can do to fix it, he will need to work on it himself if he has issues with it.
You will have NO time as a couple when the baby comes.
IF you are breastfeeding you won't want to be touched.
The truth is OP, sex once a week for married couples is very normal. In fact, for some with kids it's FREQUENT.
The problem is he's not satisfying you and he's refusing to address these issues.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've talked about sharing duties with raising our child, and he understands that our lifestyle will be different after the baby is born. He goes to doc appointments, and overall is very participatory with preparations. I think he's proud to be a father.
However, at the same, I think he's trying to enjoy his last bit of "his time" with friends, leaving me behind in many ways.
Every time I bring up wanting more of OUR time, he says we'll have plenty of time together once the baby is born, but then I interject and remind him that's not OUR time; that's family time.
He doesn't give a reason why he's not as interested in sex. He just makes a statement that I put so much importance on sex, then tries to change the subject. I asked if it was because of hurting the baby or something like that, he says it has nothing to do with that. It's not that we don't have sex. Once a week, we do, but because it's so infrequent, he comes in a minute, and doesn't make an effort to pleasure me. He's not into foreplay anymore. As big and beautiful and as my breasts are, he doesn't even make an effort to touch them, either. It's not like I haven't kept up my body during pregnancy either. The only part of my body that's grown is my belly and breasts. I've stayed very healthy and as active as I can, so I haven't gained much weight elsewhere. Everyone tells me that they can't even notice that I'm pregnant when the look at me from behind.
I feel like he doesn't see me as a sexual person anymore. He doesn't look at me with desire. There's no flirting anymore, even when I try. Our relationship has turned into preparing for the baby and running errands. There's no more romance. I attempt to bring it into our relationship with thoughtful gestures, or suggesting that we go somewhere together, but he says we just need to focus on housework, so he can have one day a week to spend with friends.
I don't know what to do. I'm very concerned if our relationship continues down this path. It seems like every week, it gets worse. Maybe it will be better after the baby, but if it's not, what should I do?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
You've talked to him about this and he says it will get better but he does nothing to forward this along.
you are not happy and I will tell you right now when the baby comes it's not going to be better in terms of your happiness.
I am thinking he is happy about the baby because he's not going to have to give up his lifestyle but you are. Have you talked about child care and your activities after the baby is born?
Does he go to the doctors appointments with you? Have you asked him why he does not wish to have sex? Is he afraid of the baby being hurt? Is he afraid the baby can see (sounds irrational but lots of men think that)
Post postpartum depression is very common and I fear you are being set up for it already as this should be the most joyous time of your life and yet you are miserable.
Can you not spend time with your girlfriends while they are with their children?
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A
female
reader, mwish  +, writes (3 April 2013):
Hi dear please dunt worry you need to understand few things,during preg the sex life do changes n its normal, even we due to cnge in our body dont feel more into it,n same happens with our partner also, as its ur first baby ,n your je also might feel uncomfortable bcz of so many phy changes in u.N plz be ready fr thw post pardum period thats also emotionally tense but with tim things get normal. N onething more we as a women, becomes so much emotionally ill during our preg thts normal so take things do much hard tob ourselves, where there s nothg, our mind is cookin somthg. We feel so much, actually we need more Care n pampering during ths stage. Your sex life n married life ill get great soon :) dont worryN you ilk becum more positive as ever after the baby trust me!! Do meditation for mental peace n positivity. Best of luck for your baby n everything:) 30 yrs old Mother of twin boys(4yrs) n five mnths old baby boy
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