A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a boyfriend of nearly four years who i love. At the moment we are in a long distance relationship but can see each other rougly once a month (our jobs are long hours and mixed shifts) so its hard to see each other, but we call each other a few times a week as well if pssible.We hope to move in together at the end of this year.But recently i started a new job and like one of the guys there. Its odd because i love my boyfriend and would ever be unfaithful but i cant understand why i fantasise about this other guy. Hes not even my type?I feel terrible about it. So i guess im asking if any of you know why im thinking this way?thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 Because you miss your boyfriend and a new face is exciting and you are human.
to be honest even if you were living with the boyfriend a new face is exciting and you are human and you might get a crush and have hot fantasies about the new guy.
just because you are in a long term happily committed relationship does not mean you are dead and won't find other men attractive. It's not a sign of a bad relationship or a flaw in you or your relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): "Fantasies" usually include people we can't have, or probably wouldn't choose in real-life. You're lonely and your fantasies are just filling a void because one guy is actually there in person, and actively in your daily life. While your boyfriend is often an image or voice on your mobile devices. That's why soap operas and romantic novels are so appealing.It's all in your mind, just as you said. That makes it harmless. Daydreams.The guy may not be your type, but there is something about him and you dig it. Our preferences or tastes tend to change and grow broader over time. You can't fairly say someone isn't your "type", because you limit your choices and grow bored with "types."Just a suggestion. Keep a few sexy pics of your BF, taken on spontaneous occasions around the house. When your mind wonders, just take a look at them; and he'll slide into the area of the brain that creates fantasy and pleasure. They make good company when he's away.Don't feel terrible about fantasizing about the other guy. It's fine as long as you don't act them out. You just miss your boyfriend, and something about that guy is what you may be missing about your boyfriend. It just comes in different packaging; which makes it a little bit of a turn-on.That guy has something that fascinates you. Something you've dismissed being too selective by type. You've come to realize you can be more accepting and less rigid. It's totally human. You normally have a type, observing the other guy's differences also helps you to appreciate the simpler things about your boyfriend all the more.While boyfriend's away, the mind will play. Just your imagination giving you some healthy distraction. We don't have to act on our impulses. You may be a little horny and picking up on this guy's male pheromones. This happens subconsciously; so not to worry.Your experience should remind other women of what also goes through the mind of a man. The mind tends to compensate for deprivation or need. It entertains the heart and soul when we tire of missing someone.Fantasizing about other people is only a problem for those who are compulsive and/or have no sense of fidelity. You love your boyfriend, that's what makes the difference.No worries!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Because he's there all the time and your boyfriend isn't. It's normal OP. You can see this guy in person, he's become a familiar sight and he's a man, with all the traits, motions and physical things you're missing about your boyfriend not being around.
It's very normal OP. It's just a part of missing your guy.
OP fantasies are okay you know, they're perfectly harmless and even moreso when it's a guy you're really not interested in.
It's feelings that are the dangerous thing, but you don't have even the hint of any for him do you? It's just simple familiarity. The girl in my local shop looks ten times hotter when my fiancée has been away on holidays or we've been apart for a while. It's just our yearning to be with our loved one projected onto a person who is actually right in front of us.
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