A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone,Around the every end of January, I met this guy on the train. We automatically hit it off, spoke, laughed, etc.Not to sound cheesy but it was almost as if there was some kind of magnetic force between us. As we got deeper into the conversation he asked me where I was heading on the train. When I asked him, I got an answer I did not want to hear. He said he was coming back from visiting his girlfriend who lives a couple hours away. I was immediately heart broken and became a little stand off-ish and quiet. We however still continued to talk. He asked for my number, I gave it to him but had to get off at my stop. He hugged me goodbye and said talk to you soon. Shortly after I left I get messages on my phone saying how beautiful I am, how bearable I made the ride, how nice I am etc. Ever since that day we have been talking since. We have such wonderful conversations. It's very intellectual and yes at times very flirty. He's been dying to hang out with me so we finally hung out this past weekend. It was beautiful. We ate dinner, had some drinks, spoke, watched a movie, and played video games. It was almost like I knew him for years! Even his small gestures like rubbing my neck as I was filling my cup, or standing really close behind me, staring at me, rubbing my hands just had me feeling like I was on another planet. Even my puppy loved him and usually she gets mad if someone is paying attention to me and "stealing me away from her".Long story short we ended up in bed but we were just cuddling, rubbing each others arms, talking more, and just enjoying the moment. Eventually he went in for the kill and we began to make out which then led to sex. Sex with him didn't seem like it was pathetic especially when you just meet someone. I enjoyed it so much with him it felt so natural and I haven't felt this way since my ex. Everything just seemed so perfect. He ended up sleeping over, we made breakfast in the morning then he left and legit squeezed my head and gave me the biggest kiss goodbye. We were texting later that day after he left. He said he was going to be working in my area tomorrow and how I should come visit.(does construction) I said of course I will! I couldn't wait. On Monday morning he texted me saying cant wait to see you Hun. Before I saw him I went and got him lunch to surprise him. It is just the kind if person I am. I finally showed up and he came over to my car and was beyond thankful for the lunch. He couldn't believe it. We were talking for at least 5 minutes but then he had to get back to work. He once again texted me saying thank you very much and how all his fellow work guys were jealous! Lol. I complemented him saying how good he looked all rugged and dirty. He looked hot! So today is Wednesday haven't spoken today. I like this guy so much and he tells me how much he likes me to and how there is just something so good about me he can't figure out. my main thing is I know he mentioned the girlfriend when we first met on the train. I would like to know if they are still together. When we were talking about something it seemed like he wasn't the way the convo flowed. I just don't want to come out and ask him because I don't want him to start acting differently and think something which will fade our situation. Do you think I should just go with the flow. Maybe ask him another time when the conversation is right.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): At any point between the meeting you mentioned here: February 3rd http://www.dearcupid.org/question/met-a-gorgeous-guy-on-the-train-but.htmlMarch 1st http://www.dearcupid.org/question/met-a-hot-guy-who-unfortunately-has-a.htmlAnd April 3rd when you posted this, you could have asked about his girlfriend. You have had at least 60 SIXTY DAYS to ask about her.It is obvious you want a genuine relationship with this man. You have his name and know where he works maybe you can find him on facebook and see whether he is 'in a relationship." Otherwise, you can continue being the 'other woman' or 'FWB' or whatever you wish to call this surreal situation you have found yourself in.I just don't understand why you would put yourself in the position of the 'other woman' after what happened to you with your ex of 4.5-5 years. You can't possibly hope for something exclusive an long-term if you are too scared to even define what it is you have with this man. If you can't define it, you have nothing...nothing to hope for...nothing to look forward to...nothing.Right now, you are two people who met on a train, talked for 60 days and hopped into bed together. That is NOT who you want to be. You want to be his girlfriend. You need to ask him today if that position is available and whether it comes with the benefit of exclusivity. If they are still together, you should ask him why. He is obviously enjoying his time with you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2013):
 With my vast years of experience (a lovely way of saying I’m old) and having met a guy on a train and gone after him, and having had several boyfriends and husbands over the years and having a degree in Psych and understanding the languages of love and trickery, I think I’m qualified to speak to this situation without you getting all upset at being shown the things you don’t want to see.
Your follow up says “If he was that committed to his girl especially just after seeing her, in my opinion he wouldn't be getting anyone's number. So whatever.”
THAT speaks volumes to me. So if he has a girlfriend still what will that mean for you? The fact that he’s willing to get some free and easy pussy from a relative stranger while with a woman means what? It means he’s skanky. It means he’s a liar. It means he’s a CHEAT.
Since he mentioned his girlfriend on the train to you before, it means either that
a. he doesn’t have one and does not want a serious relationship so he made her up or
b. he has one but he’s not fully committed to her or that he’s just got no morals or ethics and is willing to lie to her (and possibly you) to get laid.
Since you slept with him, we can’t ever tell if he has a girlfriend that he would have left for you (in which case once you are the girlfriend he may do the same thing to you but you would not know just like the current gf does not know he’s lying and cheating)
My advice:
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM AGAIN till you figure out the gf issue.
Ask him “hey what about your girlfriend, does she mind us having sex together?”
And see what he says.. then get back to me so I can give you more of my opinion which is what you asked for in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): OP instead of asking us this question you should be asking HIM!
Sit down with him and say "look when we first met you said you had a girlfriend, now me and you have slept together, got to know each other, etc....where do we stand? what's the score with your GF"
If he says he is still with her then you know hes just using you as his bit on the side. If he goes quiet or changes the subject you know its the same story. If he promises he will tell all to his GF and leave her then give him a week to do so. If, after a week, his GF is still on the scene then you know hes only telling you what you want to hear.
At the present moment it does sound like he is in a situation which is perfect...for him! stable girlfriend and a woman on the side for sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): "From watching my own experience and that of my friends I would be inclined to say if he was that charming and had you in bed within a day I would probably say he is good at this. I would be very cautious but given your latest post I think that you have already made up your mind and it wouldnt matter if he had a girlfriend or not."
Spot on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): "If he was that committed to his girl especially just after seeing her, in my opinion he wouldn't be getting anyone's number. "Many men, and indeed women, will often give their number to others, even when they are married or even waiting for their child to be born, and shower the other person with compliments and so on to have sex outside of their relationship. I know because i've been there and done that. He knows he told you he had or has a girlfriend yet is happy to parade you to his work mates to make them jealous and sleep with you without even mentioning her or the state of their relationship? I know your really liking this guy and think he is so loving and lovely but that's exactly how the men ive met in the past were until they hurt me. In an ideal world he wont really be committed to his GF, they will have now split and he will have moved on from her really quickly and get together with you. But we dont live in an ideal world so its important to be realistic.If hes giving out hugs and his number to yourself,on a train journey to his girlfriends then that must tell us something about him. Either he doesn't care less about his GF and is happy to start a relationship with you, and even sleep with you, while either still in a relationship with her (in which case he's a liar, a deceiver and a cheat and your his bit on the side), OR he will have finished with his GF the moment he met you on the train which suggests he will flit from one girl to the next at a moments notice. Maybe this guy was lonely and had issues in his relationship. But that's no way for your new relationship to start. You don't even know if he has any kids with this girlfriend? He might even be living together so it all becomes a lot more complex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I had an ex friend who was telling his girlfriend that he loved her as he was taking another girl home.
They stayed in the relationship for 4 more years
Just be careful OP
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): oh dear. I like to refer to this as the disney princess complex (feel free to run with this). Ok here is how it goes. Once apon a time there were the brothers Grimm and aesop stories warning girls about the wolves that they will come across.Disney then took these tales, added a prince and convinced every girl that guys were out there to make all there dreams come true, and that they never lied and they would never cheat. Now this is fantastic for us guys when we are young as you never have any problems with convincing a girl that they are the only person on the planet. And that the world was dull until they came into your life. From watching my own experience and that of my friends I would be inclined to say if he was that charming and had you in bed within a day I would probably say he is good at this. I would be very cautious but given your latest post I think that you have already made up your mind and it wouldnt matter if he had a girlfriend or not.Odds for me are that he has a girlfriend but dont worry it might not last more than 2 years
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't need anyone's rude comments or narrations of what I said. I was just wondering if anyone was in this position. It's hard to describe through a post and you don't know me or the guy to really point fingers and basically put me down. If he was that committed to his girl especially just after seeing her, in my opinion he wouldn't be getting anyone's number. So whatever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): "He asked for my number, I gave it to him but had to get off at my stop. He hugged me goodbye and said talk to you soon. Shortly after I left I get messages on my phone saying how beautiful I am, how bearable I made the ride, how nice I am etc. "Sorry this was moments after telling you he had a girlfriend? ? ?"Eventually he went in for the kill and we began to make out which then led to sex" I bet he did! And where was his girlfriend at this point OP? "Not to sound cheesy but it was almost as if there was some kind of magnetic force between us./Even my puppy loved him/ he tells me how much he likes me to and how there is just something so good about me/Everything just seemed so perfect. /I said of course I will! I couldn't wait./ I was immediately heart broken/was beyond thankful for the lunch. He couldn't believe it/it felt so natural and I haven't felt this way since my ex."OP I need a lie down after that outpouring of raw emotion! How long have you know him? Your setting yourself up for a fall OP.You've know this guy five minutes, haven't even discovered where his GF disappeared to and your sleeping with him and making him sound like the second coming!His GF is probably thinking "everything just seems so perfect", as you yourself put it, while he's in bed with you and stroking your arms. Sounds like he asked you to his work place to show you off to impress his "jealous" mates OPIn answer to your question you need to find out where this is heading before you go giddy with delight at this guys ability to give out predictable compliments and OTT gestures while probably still with his GF.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): "He hugged me goodbye...I get messages on my phone saying how beautiful I am, how bearable I made the ride, how nice I am etc." Sounds just the kind of thing a guy IN A RELATIONSHIP should be saying to another woman!!!! Sounds like he has all the right moves OP. "Everything just seemed so perfect." perfect apart from his GF you mean and the fact that in all probability he has cheated on her with you? OP if something sounds too good to be true it usually is im afraid. Sounds like he knows how to charm a woman to perfection: from what you say he was fawning over you to the point of being a bit vomit inducing while we know he had a girlfriend who you seem to think has somehow evaporated into thin air!To be brutally honest OP I think you need to read your own words back to yourself and you'll see that he's saying and doing everything to harm the pants off you and sounds way too good to be true! I think youll also see that you sound head over heals for someone who, in all likely-hood, is using you as a bit on the side. Should you go with the flow? NO! What you want to wait until he either gets bored with the "oh your so amazing, the sun shines out of your bottom, the earth moved for me today" routine? Wait until he says "sorry hun by I owe it to me GF not do this anymore"...!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): OP you need urgently to find out if you are in the following situations:1) You are his bit on the side and he's still with his GF.2) He's suddenly left his GF in=between your first meet and him getting into bed with you (unlikely) and he is on the rebound.3) The GF was an excuse not to get too heavy with you.No disrespect OP but to avoid any hurt on your part I think you should have found out his relationship status BEFORE having sex with him. From what you say OP its clear your falling for him but if he's still got his GF and your just a bit of fun on the side then your setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak. Realistically he is either still with her or just split up. If he's just come out of a relationship he's on the rebound and of course might go back to here or hurt you due to not being over her. Even if he has split from her and moved on that has to say something about hi. If he can just switch off from one woman and be so dotting and amazing to the next just like that then maybe he has commitment issues?To be honest he seemed to know exactly what to say to you and how to behave. Especially considering he initially had a GF. In my opinion, from a male perspective, it all seems a bit too good to be true.
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