| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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My B/f says he's desensitized from all the sex and needs a three day break! Is that even possible? And he watched porn the very next night!
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been having sex pretty much every night for the past week to the point where he can't cum. He says he's desensitized from all the sex and needs a three day break, which we both agreed to under certain conditions: he not ...
A. 28 January 2012: If someone demands their partner stop masturbating with them and then has so little self-control they cannot go a full 3 days without porn, there's a problem. That's one of the very first criteria for an addiction, can you stop whenever you want. He ... (read in full...)
Discharge days after sex
Q. Since I've started having sex a few months ago I occasionally get a thin cloudy discharge. To describe it as discharge would be misleading as I can feel it come out and a lot comes out, like I have to run to the bathroom immediately to ensure it ...
A. 28 January 2012: Honestly it doesn't sound worrisome, but you should get it checked out by your gynecologist. Until then wear panty liners and keep a calendar of when it happens. It could be a hormonal thing, as your discharge can vary a lot depending on where you ... (read in full...)
In an emotionally abusive relationship but can't let go cause I don't want to see him move on. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up but Im still holding on because the thought of him going on dates, falling for other women and getting over me just devastate me and I have anxiety attacks. How do I get over this? Why is this ...
A. 28 January 2012: Often abusive relationships are harder to leave than non-abusive. If abusers were not fantastic at manipulating emotions and people they wouldn't be able to keep up relationships very long.
What is happening here is that with the kinds of hurtful ... (read in full...)
My B/f says he's desensitized from all the sex and needs a three day break! Is that even possible? And he watched porn the very next night!
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been having sex pretty much every night for the past week to the point where he can't cum. He says he's desensitized from all the sex and needs a three day break, which we both agreed to under certain conditions: he not ...
A. 28 January 2012: Any guy who requests a break from sex to look at porn almost definitely has at least the beginnings of a porn problem/compulsion. Does he often give up sex in order to use porn?... (read in full...)
I like my friend and got shot down. Do I try again?
Q. So I have a friend that I recently told I have feelings for. The problem is, when I told her, it was really awkward and she pretty much walked me into the whole situation. She shot me down, but my heart won't let me give up. Would going up to her ...
A. 27 January 2012: I'm sorry this happened, but as a woman let me tell you it is very irritating and uncomfortable when a man won't take no for an answer. No is not a challenge. I know rejection is heartbreaking, but she will respect you way more if you can gracefully ... (read in full...)
I never orgasm during sex...
Q. Ok, I know this is a popular problem amongst women (apparently) but whenever I have sex I never orgasm. I mean I like sex enough and I want to have it, but when I hear all my friends chatting about how great it is I just think 'why doesn't it happen ...
A. 27 January 2012: The guys who are confused that any girl doesn't orgasm during sex are probably with women who are faking or haven't actually had sex yet. The vast majority of women NEVER orgasm during sex (75%). Not because they're broken but because intercourse ... (read in full...)
How can I hint to him not to get me silver as I'm allergic to it?
Q. hi there agony aunts and uncles, thanks for the good advice i have had from you with problems i have put on here, and also helped everytime, im just wanting to know and i feel a little cheeky saying this, but how do i hint to my boyfriend of nearly ...
A. 27 January 2012: You're way overthinking this. Just tell him you absolutely love the earrings he got you, but you can't wear them because you're allergic but you really wish you could wear them more!
Though it's almost impossible to be allergic to silver, ... (read in full...)
I was once unfairly accused of theft as a child and the trauma affects my behaviour even now!
Q. I have no idea where to post this question, but I seriously need to let this out and get some advice. Okay here it goes... Well when ever someone loses something and they're looking for it, I immediately get nervous. I start to shake, my heart ra...
A. 27 January 2012: Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder, they frequently show up as phobias and panic attacks. You need to see a therapist, you won't be able to overcome this without some help and guidance. The books and mp3s can't help if you don't get some ... (read in full...)
Too much friction when I'm on top!
Q. When me and my boyfriend have sex we seem to have a friction problem he does not shave, but I do shave and any time I am on top he will eventually say ouch from feeling the friction. It usually happens even if I am cleanly shaven ,but defiantly when ...
A. 27 January 2012: I know I commented but I wanted to repeat, stubble is stubble is sandpaper. If he shaves too, it will just mean a rash/pain for BOTH of you instead of one. Your hair is there for a reason! It protects you when you're going at it, holds in pheromones ... (read in full...)
Too much friction when I'm on top!
Q. When me and my boyfriend have sex we seem to have a friction problem he does not shave, but I do shave and any time I am on top he will eventually say ouch from feeling the friction. It usually happens even if I am cleanly shaven ,but defiantly when ...
A. 27 January 2012: Stop shaving. Hair is a sort of "lubricant."... (read in full...)
How can I be happy if a part of me is forced to be repressed?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I hope I do not offend anyone but I am a semi active crossdresser. Basically I am a married heterosexual man with no interest in men. I have a strong feminine side that I feel I need to satisfy, meaning, I need to feel pretty ...
A. 27 January 2012: Can you two go to couples counseling to help facilitate better communication about this? While I think it's not good for her to flat out say "no" to something so important to you, you have to accept it could be a little jarring for her to hear. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got a lapdance at a strip club and now I am struggling to deal with this, am I just being silly?
Q. My boyfriend went to see strippers and has got a private lapdance on a number of occasions. Im finding it hard to deal with, I feel inadequate and dont feel comfortable having sex at the moment. I just feel he'l compare the way I look to the ...
A. 27 January 2012: Would you be OK with strangers rubbing your boyfriend off with their butts? Then why should be OK if money is involved? In my view other women getting my partner off is cheating, money or no money, desperation or no desperation. I don't view ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about gettin waxed down there
Q. I'd like to get my hair " down there " waxed lol, but i'm too embarassed about a stranger seeing my private parts, and how much hair there is there lol. I'm also worried about it hurting. How can i feel more comfortable about having it done ?. Also, ...
A. 27 January 2012: If it's long, just use scissors and cut/trim it. That's totally painless and embarrassment free.... (read in full...)
I have a B/f yet I watch lesbian porn movies, does this make me a lesbian?
Q. Hi, Well, I have a bit of a problem, I have a boyfriend of a few years now, we want to get married etc. Nevetheless, I have a dirty little secret, I watch lesbian porn movies, does this make me a lesbian? I tend to find women more attracti...
A. 26 January 2012: Doesn't mean your a lesbian. Almost all heterosexual porn is made for heterosexual men and a lot of it is rough, and focuses on penetration. I don't know many women who find that attractive in real life, so why would they in porn?... (read in full...)
My husband is against abortions but doesn't know I may be pregnant. Is it wrong to get an abortion and never tell him?
Q. How wrong would it be to have an abortion without my husband's knowledge? He is completely against abortion, but we have a 5 month old baby and I don't want anymore kids now. I misused my new birth control pills accidentally. He doesn't know that I ...
A. 26 January 2012: Before jumping to conclusions make sure you are pregnant. Misuse of the pill WILL mess up your cycle, so check first.
Then you should tell him. You don't have to listen to him or have it or anything like that, but you should tell him. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
He flirts secretly with other women on Facebook. What should I do?
Q. my boyfriend is pretty much perfect. he always makes time for me. he trusts me. we never argue. he always tells me he loves me, and how he wants to one day get married and have a family. he always tells me he never speaks to other girls anymore, ...
A. 25 January 2012: Not perfect, not even close to perfect. I'm assuming something prompted you to hack his facebook, a gut feeling or something. He lies to you, it sounds like he might actually be cheating ("I miss you" "let's meet up"), he is not trustworthy. There ... (read in full...)
My mum makes me feel like having sex, even when in love, is wrong!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months and I know its not very long but I am very much in love with him and we have recently started having sex. However, my mum is a very prude person and I can't even talk about us sleeping in the same bed ...
A. 25 January 2012: Maybe you could buy her a box set of Sex and the City to watch through, could desensitize her a little!... (read in full...)
What are the negative aspects of the porn industry?
Q. My apologies if this question has been asked before. Can somebody tell me of the negative aspects of the porn industry? Not the effects of porn on viewers... things which those behind the scenes are often subjected to. I'm trying to deter myself ...
A. 25 January 2012: Good choice! I made that choice a bit over a year ago (or maybe two I can't remember) and have never regretted it. As a bonus, my sex life improved as well!... (read in full...)
What should a teenager wear to a posh restaurant?
Q. Hey guys, I am to go out with a "friend" on saturday night for dinner and I don't know what to wear, basically. We're both 17 so it's not like I have a suit and I wouldn't really feel comfortable in a shirt/trousers. It is a posh restaurant and i...
A. 25 January 2012: Button down with chinos is always nice. No jeans and T-shirts basically. You can also wear a nice plain pullover sweater over a collared shirt with khakis or gray or black slacks.... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 25 January 2012: This came from speaking to lawyers prepping for a trial about working conditions on porn sets and whether the producers could be held accountable for knowingly spreading STDs and causing harm to porn performers, not talking about BDSM or people's ... (read in full...)
What are the negative aspects of the porn industry?
Q. My apologies if this question has been asked before. Can somebody tell me of the negative aspects of the porn industry? Not the effects of porn on viewers... things which those behind the scenes are often subjected to. I'm trying to deter myself ...
A. 25 January 2012: There's a movie called The Price of Pleasure too that's really good that talks about all of this.
Also the porn industry is one of the main destinations for trafficked women. There is a huge amount of drug abuse, sexual assault, blackmai... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has genital herpes. What should I do?
Q. I'm dating a guy for a while who has admitted that he suffers from genital herpes. We haven't had sex yet. He claims that he has been cured but I was reading somewhere that herpes is incurable. Now I happen to be in love with him and I would like to ...
A. 25 January 2012: It's incurable. It's possible to not get it, but in order for that to happen he needs to be extremely aware of when he feels an outbreak beginning and refrain from sex. I'd be hesitant to trust someone who believes herpes can be cured to do that.
... (read in full...)
Can a woman eventually turn into a bi-sexual after an age?
Q. Can a woman eventually turn into a bi-sexual after an age? I've been with my partner for about 15 years and she's 37 years old now. She has always told me that she has hated the idea of lesbian sex. But lately she has started tell me that she only ...
A. 25 January 2012: Sure, but I doubt she's turning into a lesbian. A lot of my friends are lesbian and the things that tend to turn men on (thongs for instance) are not usually the things women find attractive in other women. Often when women surround themselves with ... (read in full...)
My mum makes me feel like having sex, even when in love, is wrong!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months and I know its not very long but I am very much in love with him and we have recently started having sex. However, my mum is a very prude person and I can't even talk about us sleeping in the same bed ...
A. 25 January 2012: A sensation of needing to pee all the time can be caused by a urinary tract infection, so you need to go to a doctor to get some antibiotics if that's the case.
I talk pretty openly with my mom about sex, but I don't think that's the norm and you ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with her past that is the opposite of my views? I know she's changed but the images are out there!
Q. [Mod note: please note that the poster is 22 years of age, not 32. The poster should consider starting a new account so this doesn't create confusion later.]] So, I'm a 22 year old guy beginning a new relationship with a girl. I'm not one to jump...
A. 25 January 2012: She was acting, those things don't represent her or her wants, they represent a character she was playing. Unless I'm reading your question wrong, she was not actually having sex. She can't be interested in trying them again because they didn't ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to see sex as another job/chore. My husband jokes its my "duty" but I really feel like telling him he can shove it
Q. My and my H have been together for over 10 years and have 2 children we both work full time. I am 27 and he is 35 we get on great and normally I have the higher sex drive however atm I just don't have the energy/need to have sex I haven't lost my ...
A. 24 January 2012: Nope. There may be a selfish bitch in this situation, but it's not you! You are not a domestic slave nor a sex slave. It's not the 50's anymore. Next time he nags you for sex, suggest counseling as a way for him to help increase your libido.... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend rather masturbate than have sex with me?
Q. My problem has a few layers, so I will try and explain as clearly as possible without rambling. I have been together with my boyfriend for 3 years. I am 19 and he is 26. I had sexual partners previous to him, but I was his first. He tel...
A. 24 January 2012: It's not a lie, around 30% of guys don't watch porn.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's developed a compulsive porn habit. He's become so used to the constant stimulation of porn and extremely firm grip of his hand, that normal sex can't get him arou... (read in full...)
I'm starting to see sex as another job/chore. My husband jokes its my "duty" but I really feel like telling him he can shove it
Q. My and my H have been together for over 10 years and have 2 children we both work full time. I am 27 and he is 35 we get on great and normally I have the higher sex drive however atm I just don't have the energy/need to have sex I haven't lost my ...
A. 24 January 2012: I agree, your husband can shove it. You're ill, working two and a half full time jobs (work + kids + housework), I'd imagine servicing someone else's needs is not at the top of your queue. Have you told him that? You should tell him if he really ... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 23 January 2012: Slapping turns some people on. OK so if something turns someone on suddenly it's totally exempt from critique? If degrading and humiliating women turns someone on, it's OK so long as it's arousing? If someone gets off on watching realistic rape ... (read in full...)
Relationships, cheating, possessiveness. Help!!!
Q. Hi. I recently posted in "I cheated and he just won't stop bringing it up!! Advice pls?" Anyway... off that topic now... here's a new one: Possessiveness... My boyfriend (he's 21) of whom I have been with for 6 months, not only bring...
A. 23 January 2012: I don't know how he was before you cheated on him, but look. You cheated on him, you wrecked his trust and now he doesn't trust you. There is no point in continuing this relationship since he does not trust you and never will. Yes he's being ... (read in full...)
My body isn't the same after having a baby...so my bf's porn watching bothers me... a lot! What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years we have a two year old daughter and we live together. I caught him watching porn the other night while i was supposed to be napping. I approached him and he lied to my face when i could see it on ...
A. 23 January 2012: First off this has nothing to do with you having a child. He has probably been watching it all his life, it's a habit. He doesn't watch it out of dissatisfaction with your looks or sex life, it's a habit that's very difficult to break.
I highly r... (read in full...)
Matters down under!
Q. I was wondering how most women have their pubic hair, i guess? Just because idk if a guy will be freaked out if I have hair down there, or if it's normal too. If you don't have hair down there, how do you remove it? What do guys prefer? Is having ...
A. 23 January 2012: I just keep it trimmed, no shaving. Women have hair naturally, so any guy who thought it was weird or freaked out has been watching way too much porn. It's one thing to have a preference for during oral sex, but it's quite another to see it and get ... (read in full...)
How can I relax during oral?
Q. My boyfriend loves to give me oral but I have a really hard time relaxing so that I can climax. How do I relax my body so I can reach a orgasm?...
A. 23 January 2012: If you're concerned about the way you smell or taste, you should take a shower or bath beforehand so you can push that thought out of your mind. Some women find it helpful to put a blanket over their knees or something so they don't have the visual ... (read in full...)
I want to be my husband's best friend. How can I do that?
Q. I have not been a good friend to my husband for the past 12 years and so because of that he feels he cant trust me as a friend and is afraid to tell me things because i haven't been a good listener and would take it personally and criticize and make ...
A. 23 January 2012: You've already expressed how, right here:
"because i haven't been a good listener and would take it personally and criticize and make him feel bad."
Basically stop doing that. Be supportive, stop taking it personally, don't talk when he's trying t... (read in full...)
How do I keep things casual in a message?
Q. I sent a message to this guy that i like on friday night on facebook asking if he'd like me to go to his place the next day. he sent me a message back today saying " i can't believe this !. i only use the internet on weekdays, 9-5 ". I'm guessing he ...
A. 23 January 2012: Sounds fine. Remember shorter=better when trying to sound casual.... (read in full...)
Should I be upset and jealous over his remarks??
Q. I was watching TV with my boyfriend and Faith Hill came on for a moment. This is what he said.... "Mmmm Faith Hill is a scrumptious treat. I want to eat her up. She is sooooooo fucking hot!!!" I got upset and we had a huge argument about it...
A. 23 January 2012: At first I was ready to give you my usual "all people look" etc... but your boyfriend was being a really over the top jerk. What kind of person says he really wishes he could be with someone else, but is stuck with what they got? Your boyfriend is ... (read in full...)
LDR advice please?. Because I need it. He's stressed out over his exams. He's not giving me the attention I need. He thinks it's not big deal..
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together going on two years, we're pretty serious about each other and are planning on moving in together after I finish my Foundation degree next year. We're both 18 and we've been in a long distance relationship for ...
A. 23 January 2012: The way to get over and past this is to get off his back. You are being incredibly clingy. I hate to say this phrase but it's one week. Deal with it. If you hope for your relationship to survive you need to be willing to accept that he sometimes ... (read in full...)
Why are many men obsessed with female virginity?
Q. I mean I read alot of stories on here like this. Why does it matter so much? Are any of these guys virgins themselves? I doubt it. why would it be a surprise if a grown woman isn't a virgin? These days most people don't marry before they're 25....
A. 22 January 2012: Patriarchy, ownership of women's bodies, slut-shaming, that sort of thing. I always like to say men with a double standard about this (I assume you're not talking the ones who think both people should be virgins because of religious reasons) think ... (read in full...)
Chlamydia Question
Q. Two years ago I was raped by my boyfriend. I got cystitis afterwards; I got anti biotics and didn't think much more about it. I read about the symptoms of Chlamydia recently and it says you get cystitis symptoms (which I still have, but no ...
A. 22 January 2012: I'm sorry this happened, unfortunately there's nothing anyone can say for sure. The good news is it's highly unlikely it made you infertile after only 2 years. 2 years really isn't long enough for that to happen. Worrying about the test won't change ... (read in full...)
How can I stop cum leaking out after sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, but there is this thing thats been annoying me for some time now... Whenever my boyfriend cums in me after sex, it never like stays in me? whenever I stand up I can feel it leak out, especially ...
A. 22 January 2012: It happens to your friends if they don't use condoms, they just don't talk about it. Unless their boyfriends don't produce semen, it happens to them too. It happens to everyone who has sex without a condom. Otherwise where would the fluids go? This ... (read in full...)
Spots on my vagina
Q. Since from as a long as I can remember I've always had spots on my vagina, at first I thought it was simply just a shaving rash, but they don't seem to disapear, and before people say anything, I can say for a fact its not a STI or anything of that ...
A. 22 January 2012: If it's on your skin (outer lips) it could just be freckles or moles. You might want to check with your doctor to make sure it's nothing though.... (read in full...)
How can I stop cum leaking out after sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, but there is this thing thats been annoying me for some time now... Whenever my boyfriend cums in me after sex, it never like stays in me? whenever I stand up I can feel it leak out, especially ...
A. 22 January 2012: You can't without using condoms. I assume you are using another form of birth control, either the pill, shot, or IUD or something? Anyone who find this embarrassing is not ready to be having sex without condoms. It's a little unpleasant, but ... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 20 January 2012: OP, you are not "screwed" if you have problems with having naked women on your phone, I don't know many women who would be OK with that. You are not alone as like I said, over 60% of women hate porn and do not want it in their relationships. You ... (read in full...)
Men, do you watch porn? Woman, are you okay with your man watching it?
Q. Okay I need to know answersfrom men an women! Men do you all watch porn? Me an my boyfriend of 6 years has had this issue I the past year I found him lookin at porn. So it hurts that he has to look at other women it's not like he's watching a video ...
A. 19 January 2012: If you want the stats:
70% of men watch (70% of users lie about it.
Around 60% of women don't want their partners watching it, the number increases substantially when the women are shown porn images.
I always recommend couples read through the... (read in full...)
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