| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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His continued porn use is eating away my love for him!
Q. I need some male answere to understand what is going on or going wrong in our relationship. I try to make it simple. Here are the facts: We are married for a long time,still in love, have lots of hot sex (never boring!!!!), I am still very attra...
A. 17 January 2012: OP I HIGHLY recommend you read this porn series. It's a little long, but excellent if you're questioning this whole porn thing.
http://rageagainstthemanchine.com/2008/04/12/why-porn-isnt-cool-part-1/
There is no content to the last post other t... (read in full...)
My FWB wants to have a baby with me!!
Q. ok so im 18 and ive been a friends with benifit with this guy but it has grown into where neither of us are with anybody else but he wont say that we are in a relationship... so now we are having trouble seeing each other because his family doesnt ...
A. 15 January 2012: I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Get yourself on the pill ASAP or get on IUD or a shot of depo. Seriously. You don't want to risk your future on this.
Frankly I don't see what you're getting out this other than stress. You don'... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 15 January 2012: We have, several times, if you'd actually read the earlier responses.... (read in full...)
Can the hymen be ruptured during a pelvic exam?
Q. is it possible for a pap smear to break your hymen? i got one yesterday, failed to tell them i was a virgin and as soon as she opened the speculum i was in so much pain i wanted to cry. i had a little bleeding after the test and now im fine but i ...
A. 15 January 2012: Yes, it's possible, though it's more likely that you were just very very tense when she inserted the speculum and that's what caused the intense pain. Generally the hymen actually has very few nerve endings. The pain many people feel from a speculum ... (read in full...)
I can't prove it's an ex texting my 14yo sex comments!
Q. I caught my ex sexualy cheating for the second time. This was 9 months ago. Since the split she had constantly tried to get me back. She blamed me both times saying i had neglected her needs, in which she couldnt explain why. Since she accepted i ...
A. 14 January 2012: Keep a detailed notebook record of the time of each instance. Print or record anything that you can. Once you have a pretty solid amount of proof bring it to the police to see about getting a restraining order.... (read in full...)
His continued porn use is eating away my love for him!
Q. I need some male answere to understand what is going on or going wrong in our relationship. I try to make it simple. Here are the facts: We are married for a long time,still in love, have lots of hot sex (never boring!!!!), I am still very attra...
A. 14 January 2012: There is no debate, pornography in it's current form (rather than inherently) is bad for women and bad for relationships, in almost all circumstances. The only debate is whether users can accept the facts or be in denial. It's like having a debate ... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 14 January 2012: My boyfriend is younger and WAY more energetic than me. It actually works out better that way (the energy, the age doesn't matter much). We complement each other well that way. I get him to relax more than he otherwise would, he gets me to go do ... (read in full...)
Should I wait until after graduation to tell her how I've been feeling
Q. I am almost 100% positive that i have fallen in love. But it is wrong on so many levels.First of all, it is one of my teachers, and second of all she is the same sex as me. That has disapproval written all over it. I am a senior in high school, 18 ...
A. 14 January 2012: No, you shouldn't. I'm telling you it will not go well for you or her. Are you sure your feelings for her are sexual in nature? I ask because it's not totally uncommon for students to develop these sorts of incredibly intense feelings towards a ... (read in full...)
Prom dilemma
Q. I need help I bought a dress for prom and over the last month I have put on weight. And I need to loose weight quick and fast I'm a fussy eater and I can't to fancy diets I just need a plan to help me loose weight in under a month hope someone can ...
A. 14 January 2012: I put on weight in college and then lost 20 lbs in two months by replacing my lunches with low cal low fat vegetarian frozen dinners (I'm not a vegetarian and at first that sounded terrible and cardboard-like, but I found the vegetarian ones are ... (read in full...)
How do you find out if a man is gay?
Q. Let's say you like a guy at work and have doubts whether he is gay or straight. Is it a good idea to ask another co-worker (declared gay) about the first one? Can it be that the second guy goes and tells the guy I like about my suspicion? What would ...
A. 14 January 2012: Why do you want to know? You could accidentally start rumors about him if you're not careful. While some people do have pretty good "gaydar," just being gay doesn't mean he'd know about another person. If you want to know because you're interested ... (read in full...)
I hate being on top, it's way too tiring.
Q. i feel so lazy in bed as i hate being on top, purely because practice will not make perfect and i find it so hard and tiring! im quite short and my legs are quite small, and i feel like i cannot move up and down enough to please him or even myself. ...
A. 14 January 2012: Certain ways of doing girl on top are excruciatingly hard and some ways are just fun. The ways that imo are difficult and uncomfortable are the ways you always see on TV and in porn (sitting straight up and wiggling your hips around). The way I've ... (read in full...)
I have never enjoyed sex and even wind up feeling like I hate the person who I'm doing it with!
Q. i am now starting to get worried because ever since i started having sex i have never enjoyed it,i only get exited during foreplay but the moment i see we are about to do it exitement goes away i feel pain and i feel bad like "just finish up and ...
A. 13 January 2012: Maybe it's because your vagina isn't really able to provide pleasure at all. Very few women orgasm from intercourse. So if you're with guys who feel like "foreplay" is just a chore in order to get to intercourse, of course you're going to feel ... (read in full...)
Girl on top worries!
Q. Hi everyone. I am seeing a new guy and we have slept together once, thing is he's dropped a lot of hints that he wants me on top next time. I'm really worried as its not something I've ever been good at I can never seem to get a rhythm and my thighs ...
A. 13 January 2012: For most women it's not like in the movies at all. That's beyond exhausting. The easiest way to do it, imo, is to lean forward and put your hands on the bed (or couch or whatever) so you can use them and that should give you enough leverage to move ... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 13 January 2012: "I'm really flattered, but I only like you as a friend."
BUT, I think it could be beneficial not to reject someone just on their type. Lots of people wind up with someone who is not their type at all and you never know unless you give a try. Unl... (read in full...)
His continued porn use is eating away my love for him!
Q. I need some male answere to understand what is going on or going wrong in our relationship. I try to make it simple. Here are the facts: We are married for a long time,still in love, have lots of hot sex (never boring!!!!), I am still very attra...
A. 13 January 2012: Wikipedia and is not peer-reviewed science, nor is a pop psychology novel. Testosterone can fuel a higher sex drive, there is some evidence it can be a cause of aggression, but there is no peer-reviewed science that has been able to show that ... (read in full...)
My FWB wants to have a baby with me!!
Q. ok so im 18 and ive been a friends with benifit with this guy but it has grown into where neither of us are with anybody else but he wont say that we are in a relationship... so now we are having trouble seeing each other because his family doesnt ...
A. 13 January 2012: That's up there among worst reasons to have a baby EVER. This man can't even commit to being your boyfriend and he wants to commit to raising a child with you?! That's idiotic. Someone who can't handle even making a verbal commitment to a vague ... (read in full...)
His continued porn use is eating away my love for him!
Q. I need some male answere to understand what is going on or going wrong in our relationship. I try to make it simple. Here are the facts: We are married for a long time,still in love, have lots of hot sex (never boring!!!!), I am still very attra...
A. 13 January 2012: Testosterone does not drive a "need for variety." There is NO such finding in any scientific study (and no, evolutionary psychology is not an actual science). There was one statistical analysis done on whether the "spread the seed" theory could ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my ex's family how abusive he was to me?
Q. After 5 years of being in a very emotionally abusive relationship with some physical abuse, I got out! Its been 2 months and counting, of absolutely no contact. The problem I'm having, is with his family. They always made me feel like apart of th...
A. 13 January 2012: About the funeral, do not go. It would be inappropriate. Sending a card or flowers is always nice/appreciated though.
"With his family I dont have that right.And that hurts."
You're right, you don't have the right to tell his family. Not in the s... (read in full...)
His continued porn use is eating away my love for him!
Q. I need some male answere to understand what is going on or going wrong in our relationship. I try to make it simple. Here are the facts: We are married for a long time,still in love, have lots of hot sex (never boring!!!!), I am still very attra...
A. 12 January 2012: I always recommend the book The Porn Trap to couples struggling with this if therapy is not an option. It helps both of you understand the other. Him to understand a) why he feels a compulsion to use it despite knowing how it's devastating you and ... (read in full...)
Should a married couple share almost everything?
Q. I'm asking about how much openness there should be in a marriage. Not just a relationship, but a marriage. I think that once you make that step to commit to be together for the rest of your lives, things change. My wife and I are very open with e...
A. 12 January 2012: I don't think it's necessary to share passwords to things, but being open about everything is important. If I felt weird like something might be in my partner's email, he's always logged in on his phone or computer so I suppose I could check if I ... (read in full...)
I had sex and now I'm scared I might have a STD!
Q. Okay, so I had sex with this guy, it was basically I went to visit him and hang out , we ended up cuddling and it turned into having sex. I don't know if he's STD free or anything and I noticed a bump on my vaginal area /: I don't know if ...
A. 12 January 2012: Most women's clinics will do those tests anonymously. We can't help you on here with what a bump anywhere is, only a doctor can say for sure what it is.... (read in full...)
We now only have sex 2-3 times a month but she gets angry if girls flirt with me
Q. I have been with this girl for 2 yrs and when we first started dating we had sex or gave oral sex to each other alll the time. (First 8 months or so) in those 8 months there would be times we had sex 2 times a day. Now deeper into our relationship ...
A. 12 January 2012: There are two different issues. First, just because you are having issues in one part of the relationship, doesn't give you the right to go off and flirt with girls and start looking for another girlfriend. She's not punishing you by not having sex ... (read in full...)
Queefing during doggy-style, is there any way to stop it?
Q. When me and my boyfriend have sexual intercourse, we tried the 'doggy style' position, I love it because of the deep penetration but whenever we do it, my vagina makes a weird 'farting' noise? People call it a 'queef'. When it happens I stop and I'm ...
A. 12 January 2012: You can't stop it, just gotta laugh and keep going! Happens to almost everyone.... (read in full...)
How can we our first time spectacular?
Q. Okay, so early last year I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. So that was my "first time" whether I liked it or not. Yeah, I know, how lovely. Anyway, I now have a new, wonderful boyfriend whome is a virgin and we're discuss...
A. 11 January 2012: I also think you should tell your partner. It will help him be more prepared in case you don't react as well as you'd expected AND so he knows he needs to take it way way way slower than he would otherwise. I'm sure your current boyfriend cares a ... (read in full...)
Long distance phone sex
Q. My boyfriend and I are long distance and recently he's been saying he wants to hear me come over the phone. The problem is I feel silly, I'm not a kid but I get the giggles and when we do do this I want it to be amazing - I want him to be thinki...
A. 11 January 2012: Try masturbating on your own, then call him up right when you're close so he can listen then. Hopefully by the time you're close, you'll be pretty focused on other things and less on whether you silly or not. That can help you get more comfortable ... (read in full...)
22 and never dated!
Q. I am 22 and I have never dated not even for half a day.its not because I'm a prude nut I don't want to make mistakes.Right now I have a number of great guys(and I mean great) who want to date me. I've had people tell me to try it first and see if it ...
A. 11 January 2012: The "real thing" is when you agree to commit to each other. Be boyfriend and girlfriend, be exclusive, etc... A conversation will have to occur at some point to clarify this. A date is pretty much anything where two people get together with the ... (read in full...)
Can't reach orgasm during sex.....
Q. Hi guys, I sort of recently started seeing someone who's made me realise that I have never been in a real relationship before. He treats me like a goddess and sometimes I can't believe I get to have someone like him. Only problem is, I've n...
A. 11 January 2012: "He's not worried about it at the moment but he is making it his mission to get me there one day."
You should also make it your mission to make him cum through only rubbing his scrotum. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Around 75% of wome... (read in full...)
Can't orgasm with condom!
Q. So here's the prob, I can't cum whilst wearing a condom...I recently had sex with a condom for the first time (2 nights in a row and didn't cum on either) , I've had sex without before and had no problem with ejaculation. Is there anybody that has...
A. 11 January 2012: Try thinner condoms, like kimono. You may also just have to give yourself time to adjust.... (read in full...)
We're in a FWB relationship, would it work out if we wanted to go into a real relationship?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy since this past Christmas and we've just been sleeping together. We had an understanding that we would just be friends with benefits, but he seems to be taking things to another level, one that feels like we're actually ...
A. 11 January 2012: Just be honest. There's no harm in saying, "I think I could be with you eventually, but right now I'm still hurting from my ex." You could start dating casually so long as he knows you're not fully over your ex, but let him bring up the idea of ... (read in full...)
Why won't my long-term boyfriend be my Facebook friend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. We're stable and recently moved in with each other and we've never had trust issues (no concerns of cheating, etc). It's been an ongoing joke for a while now that once we move in together we should ...
A. 11 January 2012: Facebook is only a problem when people make it a problem. I.e. someone is making inappropriate comments to others, sending inappropriate messages, etc... Or when someone purposefully hides things on it.
I think it's a pretty big red flag that he ... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand it's too late?
Q. I could use some advise if anyone has any "insight" or experience or wise words... I have an ex-boyfriend who doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with what he does... Short: We date 3 years. He's always been open about having a crush o...
A. 10 January 2012: You make him understand by cutting off contact with him. Stop taking his calls, stop responding. You're enabling his behavior by taking the time to try to explain it. You've explained it. He can either choose to understand or he can choose not to, ... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand it's too late?
Q. I could use some advise if anyone has any "insight" or experience or wise words... I have an ex-boyfriend who doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with what he does... Short: We date 3 years. He's always been open about having a crush o...
A. 10 January 2012: You make him understand by cutting off contact with him. Stop taking his calls, stop responding. You're enabling his behavior by taking the time to try to explain it. You've explained it. He can either choose to understand or he can choose not to, ... (read in full...)
My guy's great, but oral is BORING!
Q. I find it incredibly boring when my BF goes down on me. We've been intimate for about 3 months now and have decided not to have intercourse yet, but we've done just about everything else in the book (or outside it). My guy is great, he really turns ...
A. 10 January 2012: Well I certainly wouldn't word it as "incredibly boring" but I'm sure the only reason he loves going down on you is because it's fun to watch you enjoying it. Why don't you tell him the things you prefer, like when he says he wants to go down on ... (read in full...)
Getting frustrated with his lack of proposal.....how long were you together before you got engaged? What is the average?
Q. I am rather depressed of late. I am 28, and I've been with my partner for three years, he's 26. It seems that everyone around me is getting either married, or engaged... But me. I am starting to feel left behind and frustrated with my partner's lack ...
A. 10 January 2012: This time of year is rough because x-mas and NYE are days when a lot of people get engaged. If you're on fb it seems like everyone in the world other than you is getting married. So you shouldn't let all the status changes and photos get to you ... (read in full...)
22 and never dated!
Q. I am 22 and I have never dated not even for half a day.its not because I'm a prude nut I don't want to make mistakes.Right now I have a number of great guys(and I mean great) who want to date me. I've had people tell me to try it first and see if it ...
A. 10 January 2012: Yes and no. On the one hand waiting to get into a relationship until you find someone special is probably smart. If more people did that there would be a lot less heartbreak. But on the other hand, not dating, period, until you find "the one" is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got angry because I am too small for sex! What should I do?
Q. my vagina is too small for me to have sex. my boyfriend got angry!!! what can i do? should I make it bigger? but how?...
A. 10 January 2012: Assuming there's no medical problem (there could be, but that condition where the muscles cramp immediately when touched is rare), the only reason a woman's vagina can be "too small" is if a self-entitled jerk just goes and tries to shove his penis ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her on a date? and how?
Q. There is woman about my age working in my local cafè I really like her and I think she is giving me signs smiles and waves when i come in and asks how I am and when in the Q she is not like that to the other customers the thing is though there is ...
A. 10 January 2012: You don't want to make her uncomfortable by misinterpreting, so make sure you give her an easy exit if she's uncomfortable or doesn't feel the same. You're right, definitely do NOT ask her out in front of the whole staff. If she is a cashier, put ... (read in full...)
There's an 8 year age difference, is that OK?
Q. Hi agony aunts, i need some advice on what to do with this older man I have been seeing. He is 25 yrs old (8 yr age gap, I'm 17) i have met him only a few times in the month and a half i have known him and other than that mostly keeping in touch ...
A. 9 January 2012: He doesn't want to snuggle or hold hands at his place. At best he will be aggressive and pressure you into having sex and at worst he might hurt you. One of the other aunts used a word here that is very appropriate, grooming. He is using a classic ... (read in full...)
I don't feel aroused when he goes down on me! Is there something wrong with me?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are a sexually active couple, we have sex say about 2-3 times a week! the sex is great and everything, but the only problem is that i dont feel aroused when he goes down on me, neither do i orgasm when he does it too.. im not ...
A. 8 January 2012: Some women just don't particularly enjoy oral sex. Arousal and pleasure are two different things though and if you don't feel even aroused, my guess is there is a mental barrier. Do you feel self-conscious? Are worried what you smell, taste, and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me! he's invited me for his birthday, should I go or not?
Q. My boyfriend finished with me today. I am so upset and to finish off he says to me, i'm still welcome to go to his 21st at the end of this month. Is this a good idea? all his family will be there as well. Any suggestion how I get over him or wheth...
A. 8 January 2012: Don't attend the party. It will just cause you more pain. The only way to move on is distance and time. You need to distance yourself from him as much as you can. I know it will be hard since you probably feel like you just want him in your life as ... (read in full...)
How do I help myself?. As I can't change him. Do alcoholics tend to avoid loved ones who are concerned about them and hang around with their "drinking buddies?
Q. I am positive my boyfriend is an alcoholic. I just put the pieces together and it all adds up every time he goes on these binges, I don't hear from him. I thought he didn't want me anymore but it wasn't that, I know he loves me. It is the drinking...
A. 8 January 2012: Alcoholics are addicts. No one can change him, he has to want to change BADLY and change himself. There is nothing you can do except to not enable him.
If you plan to stay with him, you will benefit from going to al-anon meetings. They are free... (read in full...)
I just found out my partner was a prostitute
Q. Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...
A. 8 January 2012: She cried and said she didn't want to talk about it when brought up? So you don't trust her because she experienced something extremely horribly traumatic? ... Even though I know this was a one time thing, maybe if you better understood what it's ... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 8 January 2012: All these comments about women being sluts because it's easier for them to have sex are ridiculous. I don't know a SINGLE woman who wasn't called a slut long before she even went on her first real date, let alone had sex for the first time. Women ... (read in full...)
Would you read your partner's diary if they accidently left it out?
Q. If your significant other left a notebook or journal at your place by accident, would you read it? Do you think you could resist, or would curiosity get the best of you?...
A. 7 January 2012: No. The curiosity to do it is probably normal though. The most I'd do is if I got on the computer and saw his email open I might scan over what's visible quickly before logging out. If I really want to know something I'll ask.... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 6 January 2012: You're thinking of sex. Sex and gender are different. We aren't talking about physical differences we're talking about behavioral differences here.
Evolution also takes a heck of a long time, way longer than civilization has been around. Not to m... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 6 January 2012: Of course there are gender differences. Gender is a social construct and is not natural and certainly not inevitable. If gender was biological it would be the same across all cultures, and it varies immensely.
You're taking the incredibly lazy way... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 5 January 2012: Patriarchy, that's why.
There is no reason other than traditionally men have wanted to control women and their bodies. The whole thing about biological necessity is total hooey. People have been trying to use biological reasons to oppress groups o... (read in full...)
I just found out my partner was a prostitute
Q. Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...
A. 5 January 2012: I'm assuming she did it out of some kind of desperation? Have you asked what kind of circumstances would drive her to put her safety in danger for money? People who do this need sympathy, not anger. When you say one-off, do you mean she exchanged ... (read in full...)
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