A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up but Im still holding on because the thought of him going on dates, falling for other women and getting over me just devastate me and I have anxiety attacks. How do I get over this? Why is this happening?We have been together for over 2 1/2 years but in the last 6 months, he has lied to me a couple times, sent sexual emails behind my back (which he called a joke), asked out another girl at the bar and puts me down verbally. My heart just isnt in this relationship anymore but everytime I see him, I melt a little and I can't let go because I don't want to see him move on like I described above. I'm not his first love and he said since he's already been through losing his first, it will be easier to get over me What is wrong with me? What do you suggest? Please help!
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emotionally abusive, move on, puts me down Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): "What is wrong with me? What do you suggest? Please help!"
Ego and vanity rule. Like any needy chick your need for
female superiority always comes first above all, any abusive dirt-crawling scumbag worth leaving out of self-respect and dignity suddenly becomes Prince Charming worth fighting over to keep him out of the arms of a dumber and more desperate needy chick, by whatever means necessary no matter the cost, no gutter uncrawled and no sewer unopened and no depths unplunged.
Of course, even the neediest needy chicks at least wait until an actual flesh-and-blood shameless hussy threatens to swoop in and steal him away, lording over you that he picked her so she's now the one paying all his bills and suffering all his abuse, until you just can't stand the thought of any random needy chick off the street winning anything over you while you sit home alone.
You come so unglued at the mere prospect of any other pile of flesh wrapped around a vagina taking what's yours that you won't ever give any other pile of flesh wrapped around a vagina the satisfaction of winning him away from you.
So you'd rather cling to an abusive worthless dirtbag rather than allow even the possibility of him dipping his wick in any other pile of flesh wrapped around a vagina roaming the earth. No matter how he degrades and debases you, nobody's ever going to get the chance of taking him away from you. Of course, nobody else would ever want him, but why take that chance?
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Often abusive relationships are harder to leave than non-abusive. If abusers were not fantastic at manipulating emotions and people they wouldn't be able to keep up relationships very long.
What is happening here is that with the kinds of hurtful comments such as "it will be easier to get over you since I've already been through it with my first love," he is manipulating you so that you will feel competitive to prove that you can impact him as much as his first love. Those kinds of comments are not said without thought/unintentionally hurtful, he is actively manipulating you to stay with him.
Abusers master a balance of just the right amount of put downs so that you feel worthless, like you can't do better and should be grateful that anyone loves you, with just the right amount of affection that you think maybe deep down he really cares about you. It makes it even harder to leave than a non-abusive relationship in some ways because you develop not just a love for him, but also often a really intense need to get those tiny morself of affection and love.
Nothing at all is wrong with you. He has eroded your self-esteem to the point where you want to be with him. Get some friends and/or family to help you tell him it's over once and for all and leave.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 I guess you will have to break up with him. There aren't really any other options here. It sounds like he is not going to change.
So, off you go. Tell him over the phone that "it's over."
You have to let this relationship go. It's not helping you. At the end of the day, it's doing you more harm than good.
That's just what I think.
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