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Should I be upset and jealous over his remarks??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2012) 14 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was watching TV with my boyfriend and Faith Hill came on for a moment. This is what he said.... "Mmmm Faith Hill is a scrumptious treat. I want to eat her up. She is sooooooo fucking hot!!!"

I got upset and we had a huge argument about it. He told me of course he wanted her more than me. She's a star. He said that he didn't know why that upset me. He would want her more but he knew he could never get her and that was just life and what he got was me. I was so hurt!!!

I don't feel the same. I see other hot people and I look but I don't comment and I don't want anyone else. I feel that would be rude and why would I be with him if I want other people? Am I crazy for being upset? He says I'm insane and what he said is normal and doesn't understand why I think it was rude. He says I need help and he's going to break up with me. Please help....

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A female reader, KittieS United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2012):

KittieS agony auntThis is an incredibly hurtful thing to say, and you are very right to be upset.

I am guessing this was a comment made whilst he was drunk - I can't think that any man would say this to his lady but maybe a moment of drunken madness? But it sounds like you have spoken to him afterwards?

In which case, any decent human being would be begging for forgiveness, it's a very cruel and disgusting thing to say, I suggest he's using that's an excuse to end your relationship and you do what is best for you which is move on you deserve much much better

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (23 January 2012):

mizz.butterflies agony auntno need to fight over this and lose ur temper. he is an A**HOLE and wont change. agree with # xlaurenx .she said it best. its about time u broke up. dont waste ANOTHER SECOND thinking ur SECOND BEST. Dont be afraid to be alone..look up tips on how to survive abreak up.good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012):

That is crazy what an insensitive ass! He does not deserve you. All the other aunts have made great points so far and I second them. Leave him because it you stay with him you know that if the slightest hint of a hot girl was coming his way he'd be gone, why waste your time on that?

Just tell him that after those comments you realised that you were such a better girlfriend that he deserves. You wouldn't leave him even if mr universe appeared on your doorstep because you had chose him but his attitude was disresepectful and for that matter you do not want to waste any more time on a relationship. Xx

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (23 January 2012):

adamantine agony auntWhy are you even still with this guy?

My boyfriend and I only have eyes for each other. He never makes me feel like I'm second best. He makes me feel like I'm a queen and treats me with love and respect. I know that he loves me and we both feel very lucky to have found each other.

Your boyfriend shouldn't be your boyfriend. Let him find his movie star girlfriend, so that he can make room for another guy to come along and sweep you off your feet and treat you the way you deserve.

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A female reader, eternallyinfinite Canada +, writes (23 January 2012):

Am I crazy for being upset?

No, if he had just said "oh, she's hot" and you got upset over it, then I'd think that you're being a bit sensitive/insecure. However, what he said (that she's so hot and that he wants her more than you) is totally out of line, and is rude.

When you're with someone, you should be with that person because you want them, not because you can't get the person that you really want. Calling you insane, telling you that you need help, and threatening to break up with you - these are emotionally abusive behaviors. I personally would just leave the jerk - tell him to take his comments and shove it up his ass!! Find some other guy who will treat you with respect, and more importantly, who actually wants you!!

Good luck : )

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 January 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYep agreed with all the other aunties… BF is OVER THE TOP with his comments… Yes all people look and even going “yummy” and “she’s hot” is ok in my book but the whole “I want her more than you but I can’t have her so I settled for you” sucks.

When we have these comments in our house it’s ‘yes but I go home WITH YOU”…. It’s different… it’s not about settling… it’s about I’m with you by choice and you are my wonderful beautiful sexy woman… but yeah getting a bit of an appetite while watching some hot actress on tv is fine with me… I love looking at hot men… and my taste varies… and yes my fiancé is no great prize on many levels.. and he knows it.. but he knows he rocks MY world … and I rock HIS world and that’s fine.

I do get a twinge when he’s drooling over Demi or something like that… but then I realize it’s fantasy and he’s getting all worked up KNOWING that I’m the one to quench his thirst…

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (23 January 2012):

Honeypie agony auntHow ridiculous!For him to say that he wants her MORE then you is the dumbest thing ever.

He sounds like an immature dumbass, honestly.

First off, Faith Hill is happily married and would most likely never meet your BF or if she did have nothing to do with him.

I personally think (among others) Christian Bale is attractive, but I have no delusions about it, he is just nice to look at, like many other actors, it's their skills and looks that sells the movies. As for Faith Hill it's her talents (and looks) that sells her music. But they are people just like you and me.

Would I be upset and jealous if my husband complimented a singer/actress? No, not really - but if he said something as asinine as he'd want a celebrity more then me, I would most likely laugh and tell him to get back to reality.

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A male reader, wiseoldman United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2012):

I'm a professional actor, a complete unknown but have worked in small roles with many female stars over the past 35 years. You should see how a lot of them look when they arrive at the studio in the morning for the day's work before they go into hair and makeup. They'd give everything to be your age again, I assure you. So I suggest you let your boyfriend go free to try and hook up with his heartthrob- he'll be greatly disappointed and you'll be free to find someone nicer, which won't be that difficult

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (23 January 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt How old your boyfriend is for being so gross and clueless , 16, 17 ???

I too always say " all PEOPLE look, noticing beauty is natural " but this is not noticing , this is being nasty . If he breaks up with you, go out and celebrate . Good riddance !

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (23 January 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI agree with peson12345, get in first and break up with him, his comments are rude, nasty and hurtful.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012):

I agree with Person. BF had no tact, let alone insensitive to even think saying 'he would want her but will have to make do with you' as a loving statement. NOT!

He's a douche nozzle and I would rethink of finding someone who is so in love with you; other women pale in comparison.

All women deserve this from the man they adore and love.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (23 January 2012):

person12345 agony auntAt first I was ready to give you my usual "all people look" etc... but your boyfriend was being a really over the top jerk. What kind of person says he really wishes he could be with someone else, but is stuck with what they got? Your boyfriend is an ass. It's not normal to say other people are way better and that he'd leave you for them if he could. That is not normal, it is disrespectful, rude, and mean. It's normal to think other people are attractive, it's normal to look, it's even occasionally normal to comment in a respectful way if prompted, but your boyfriend is being a jerk. If he wants to break up with you, the only bad part would be that you didn't do it first.

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A male reader, IHateWomanBeaters United States +, writes (23 January 2012):

IHateWomanBeaters agony auntOf course it is rude. you should leave him. If you are just a convenience for him, then move along.

You can do better.

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A male reader, krishot2011 India +, writes (23 January 2012):

just check how much he values u 2 other hot girls. Tell him that it would hurt u if he says so. I would react in d same way if i were u. The hard fact is most of us get attractd 2 hot people. It is becoz of their charm we go 2 movies or shows. But it is rude 2 comment b4 u. Gud luck.

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