| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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I just found out my partner was a prostitute
Q. Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...
A. 8 January 2012: She cried and said she didn't want to talk about it when brought up? So you don't trust her because she experienced something extremely horribly traumatic? ... Even though I know this was a one time thing, maybe if you better understood what it's ... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 8 January 2012: All these comments about women being sluts because it's easier for them to have sex are ridiculous. I don't know a SINGLE woman who wasn't called a slut long before she even went on her first real date, let alone had sex for the first time. Women ... (read in full...)
Would you read your partner's diary if they accidently left it out?
Q. If your significant other left a notebook or journal at your place by accident, would you read it? Do you think you could resist, or would curiosity get the best of you?...
A. 7 January 2012: No. The curiosity to do it is probably normal though. The most I'd do is if I got on the computer and saw his email open I might scan over what's visible quickly before logging out. If I really want to know something I'll ask.... (read in full...)
I had female surgery when I was young does that mean I won't have a good sex life?
Q. I had fGC(female genital cutting) when i was young, i had part of my clitoris removed and the clitoral hood too, that's what my mom told me but when i looked downthere i couldn't find any trace for the clit. let's say that i have no clitrois, does ...
A. 7 January 2012: There are other ways to feel pleasure during sex, many women can orgasm from having their g-spot stimulated. I suggest you visit a doctor to figure out what your options are. I'm really sorry this happened to you.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend asks me to download porn since he doesn't have a computer!
Q. is it wrong for me getting upset that my "fiancee" watches to much porn even after i had told him that it bothers me that he do, he even watches it in front of me when we get in to a argument and even asks me to download his favorites for him ...
A. 7 January 2012: No you're not wrong. I recommend you try to read through the book the porn trap together, it is a great book for helping you both understand each other a bit better.... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend just can't seem to have sex!
Q. i have tried to have sex twice with my boyfriend but every time, it really hurts and he makes me bleed. the first time we tried it, it didn't get very far in and i started bleeding. the second time which was two days ago he put it all the way in but ...
A. 7 January 2012: Make sure next time you get LOTS of foreplay (the average woman takes 20 minutes of continuous stimulation to be fully there). It will make you a lot less tight and give more lubrication. You should also go buy some lube, I promise it will make ... (read in full...)
Some questions about 'doggie style'
Q. Hello, I'm 20 and had some questions about doggy style. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I have never really wanted to pursue this position because there is not really any eye contact and feels more like a "get her done" ...
A. 7 January 2012: Just have a go at it, can't know anything until you try it. No it's not very intimate, but sex doesn't always have to be romantic and lovey, it can be animalistic too. It does help him go a lot deeper, so make sure you're aroused first and have him ... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 7 January 2012: The law says it's not a life, medicine says it's not a life, biology says it's not a life, even the bible says it's not a life (actually in the bible it says babies aren't a life before 1 month of age after birth). I'm really not sure how it became ... (read in full...)
Why are people extremely against abortion?
Q. abortion is accepted in society now, its not an illegal act and a majority of people worldwide have had it. i understand that there are extreme ethical and social issues, and dont get me wrong, i dont aprove it, i would hate to kill a precious ...
A. 6 January 2012: You say you are OK with abortion, but then go on to say you don't approve of it and that it's murder. I don't really understand your question. You express views of an anti-choice person (that abortion is wrong except in cases of rape and incest and ... (read in full...)
Do some women also have an overblown sense of entitlement when it comes to sex?
Q. People always say that men have an overblown sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. But I think some women can be like this too. I'm not trying to be sexist. I just think there are some situations where it's always the woman who "decides" when ...
A. 6 January 2012: I don't think so, the man can say no too. I suppose it sort of goes both ways in a relationship that occasionally people do things they don't want to to make their partners happy, but I've really heard of a LOT more instances of women agreeing to ... (read in full...)
Why does he choke me or restrain me during sex?
Q. The guy im having sex with will start to choke me or pin me down right before im going to orgasim. if i push his hand away from my neck or move away from his hold he will stop and hold back for a bit. then it starts all over again. he wont let me ...
A. 6 January 2012: Sounds like he can't get off without knowing he's hurting and controlling you. Do you want to be with someone who thinks it's OK to hurt you to fulfill his sexual fantasies?... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 6 January 2012: You're thinking of sex. Sex and gender are different. We aren't talking about physical differences we're talking about behavioral differences here.
Evolution also takes a heck of a long time, way longer than civilization has been around. Not to m... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 6 January 2012: Of course there are gender differences. Gender is a social construct and is not natural and certainly not inevitable. If gender was biological it would be the same across all cultures, and it varies immensely.
You're taking the incredibly lazy way... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is going to a drunk sleepover where her ex will be
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 months now. She loves me very much from everything I can see. We've made plans do take trips together far into the future. She gets excited every-time she comes over and seems to miss me a lot when we're ...
A. 5 January 2012: I don't know many who would be totally OK with that. I know you don't want to be controlling, but you can always tell her your concerns without demanding she skip it.... (read in full...)
Breakup with ex but he's still mad when I talk to other guys
Q. I broke up with my ex and i regret it but he says he don't know what he wants but he's still in love with me. He say's he don't wanna get hurt again and his friend don't like me so he's saying he don't wanna lose a friend and he's also saying his ...
A. 5 January 2012: You move on. If you're broken up, he does not get any say in who you talk to, flirt with, or date. If he's playing these types of mind games now, my guess is that if you ever got together again he'd keep playing mind games and try to punish you for ... (read in full...)
I kicked her out but I want her back!
Q. I broke up with her 2 weeks ago when she broke a major condition of our relationship. I was so angry with her blatantly ruining our love that I kicked her out of the house and immaturely called her hurtful names. We had 1 major issue before and I ...
A. 5 January 2012: Of course she's moving on, you kicked her out, twice now. I don't know what she did that merited kicking out, but either you need to stick to your guns and break up with someone, or not. You can't break up with people as punishment or sooner or ... (read in full...)
Us women want Pleasure Too!
Q. Why is it that most men ALWAYS want their Women to go DOWN on them. BUT in return Some men DONT want to go DOWN on their Women. Why is that? US WOMEN WANT TO BE PLEASURED TOO!...
A. 5 January 2012: The some men who are like that, I'd guess it has to do with being brought up surrounded by media teaching that women are basically sex slaves placed here to pleasure men. You grow up thinking women are sex slaves, you behave as such.
But a lot of... (read in full...)
Why is it that when men play around they are champs and women are called names???
Q. I just want to know why is it when men play around with 3 or more women its ok. Hes looked up to as the CHAMP. BUT if a female plays around with 3 men or more. She gets called a "HOE" : "SLUT" : A "WHORE". JUST about every name in the book. why is ...
A. 5 January 2012: Patriarchy, that's why.
There is no reason other than traditionally men have wanted to control women and their bodies. The whole thing about biological necessity is total hooey. People have been trying to use biological reasons to oppress groups o... (read in full...)
I just found out my partner was a prostitute
Q. Just found out that my partner was a prostitute - apparently a one off that she dreadfully regrets...I love her but am at a loss what to do now...sorry so short but I'm too upset for many details. ...
A. 5 January 2012: I'm assuming she did it out of some kind of desperation? Have you asked what kind of circumstances would drive her to put her safety in danger for money? People who do this need sympathy, not anger. When you say one-off, do you mean she exchanged ... (read in full...)
Wife doesn't want to get rid of pictures of her ex. Am I being unreasonable?
Q. We're only married 6 months and already we have an 'issue'. When my wife and I got serious and started talking about getting engaged, we both deleted 'exs' from our facebook accounts, deleted them from our contacts in our phones. I even threw out ...
A. 4 January 2012: Could you maybe compromise that you get to put them in a box that only you know the location of or a lockbox only you have the key to? I'm suspecting it's less that she is attached to the people in them and more attached to the photo if that makes ... (read in full...)
1st time about anal sex and I'm worried about it being messy!
Q. hello all, i am going to be embarking into the world of anal sex starting in a few days and i'm really excited, but also worried! to be blunt i am worried about poo and that i will poo myself! i am also worried about the hygiene of it and any do...
A. 4 January 2012: There probably will be poop. Sorry to be blunt, but it's going to get on his penis and such, so you need to be prepared that there's probably going to be some.
Porn actors don't eat for a whole day and douche beforehand, but that's probably... (read in full...)
How do you talk sexy without sounding stupid?
Q. dear cupid, i've been looking for ways to spice things up with my guy. i watched a little bit of porn, but felt weird about it, soo i decided to just consult google and see what i could find out (snicker if you must...lol). one of the tips that i'...
A. 4 January 2012: Mostly you're just trying to describe things, but in a stereotypical gaspy sultry voice. If you're uncomfortable at first you don't have to use any stereotypical "dirty" words. Just describe what you're feeling, like hot, wet, etc... and what you ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 3 January 2012: Do you use tampons/pads? Do you plan to use condoms (you must unless you want to be a parent)? Do you use soap when you shower? Do you wear underwear? All manmade. Why is it suddenly so different if it has to do with sex?
OP the showerhe... (read in full...)
I want to have a baby but it's not happening!
Q. So I'm 19 and me and my fiance live together..everything is perfect! I am beyond in love with this man.the problem is,I want to share more with him..I bet you're thinking "what more could she want?" this may sound crazy but I want to have his ...
A. 3 January 2012: You can't force someone out of grieving by having a baby. Not to mention the absolute FIRST "rule" of baby making is don't have a baby to fix something. Babies don't fix things, they stress things. If he's grieving the last thing he wants is a ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 3 January 2012: Then you need to keep at it, because there is almost no chance your boyfriend will be able to give you your first. It takes a bit to learn how it feels, what exactly pushes you over the edge, etc... Even if he was more experienced, he still wouldn't ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 3 January 2012: Well there's your problem. It's totally unfair to expect him to figure out how to please you if you don't know how to do it yourself.
You need to go masturbate to orgasm several times to learn what you like. If you work at it for 30+ minutes ... (read in full...)
After everything that has happened, I'm sad for days on end, but don't want to get medicated!
Q. Hiya, I'm 31 and married with 2 children an 8year old and one about to turn 1. I would consider myself a happy go lucky person that takes everything in my stride normally. recently I have found everyday things harder and herder to cope with, and I ...
A. 2 January 2012: Wanted to add, I had a really rough year once and was really REALLY adamant that I didn't go on anti-depressants. Three different doctors tried to put me on them and I told all of them no,no,no. No one can medicate you without your permission, so if ... (read in full...)
After everything that has happened, I'm sad for days on end, but don't want to get medicated!
Q. Hiya, I'm 31 and married with 2 children an 8year old and one about to turn 1. I would consider myself a happy go lucky person that takes everything in my stride normally. recently I have found everyday things harder and herder to cope with, and I ...
A. 2 January 2012: There is NO shame in seeking help when you need it. If you broke your leg, would you want to try to mend it yourself? Mental setbacks and disabilities are just as debilitating as physical ones and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help. If ... (read in full...)
How can I speak to him other than facebook?
Q. I used to have a crush on this guy at school and we recently found each other on facebook. We didn't go out with each other back then though, and he didn't know i had a crush on him then. I sent him a message once, wishing him a happy birthday, and ...
A. 2 January 2012: Well you'll want to give it a little time after the breakup to let him move on. You don't want to be a rebound. Until then be friendly, be there for him, talk to him, etc... When you think enough time has passed you should ask him out. If you are ... (read in full...)
I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!
Q. The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...
A. 2 January 2012: Don't tell him you've been faking, you will thoroughly devastate him. Instead, Figure out how to do it on your own, then show him. Guide his hands, give him a visual demonstration, tell him when something feels good or say "I just love whn you do ... (read in full...)
What is the physical disadvantage of not having sex?
Q. whats the physical disadvantage of not having sex, will something bad happen when you stay a virgin for long, and its not like its a choice its just that if there's no right sexual partner?...
A. 2 January 2012: Nothing bad happens, certainly not physically. There is no biological necessity for your body to have sex. Think about monks. They don't have sex OR masturbate and they're fine. Don't worry that there will be consequences for not having sex. Lots of ... (read in full...)
Even though we took all necessary precautions, I'm not feeling well, could I be pregnant?
Q. I recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend (21st Dec) ... it was an a amazing experience as we had waited for ages to show our love and commitment to each other. We of course took the necessary precautions before we made love to each other, w...
A. 1 January 2012: I don't see how you could possibly be pregnant. Not only was no sperm present to fertilize an egg (since the condoms were intact and in place) but assuming you're among the 99.9% of people that the pill does not fail with, there would be no egg ... (read in full...)
Why do guys grab a girl's waist?
Q. What does it mean when a guy keeps grabbing your waist? Like they will sit there and squeeze your waist? I know it sounds weird, but this guy kept doing it and I couldn't understand why or what he was doing it for, this isn't the first, time quite a ...
A. 1 January 2012: Sexual interest, claiming territory, want to dance, a comfortable place to put an arm, many other things. It depends on the context.... (read in full...)
Info on Sex toys..
Q. Hey guys im 16 and my question is about sex toys. I have only ever used a brush handle as a toy but now im going to be getting a vibrating rabbit. But im scared i wont like it once i get it and i dont want to waste the money. If im only use to the ...
A. 1 January 2012: Every woman is different. Before you purchase a vibrator you first want to decide how much you want to spend on it and then I highly recommend reading reviews online to get a feel for what it is like to use. You can find the reviews at the popular ... (read in full...)
The sex in our FWB relationship is bad! How do I tell him?
Q. So my best friend and I are close. But neither of us want a relationship, but we do want an aspect of a relationship. Sex. So we have sex and because as individuals we're just the same. People probably think we date because of how much we hang out ...
A. 31 December 2011: I'm a bit confused as to what it is you're getting out of this arrangement if the sex is crap. There's no point in having a FWB if the sex isn't awesome. You don't have to confront him and say how much you dislike it, you should tell him what it is ... (read in full...)
I don't want to taste myself on him. Any suggestions?
Q. dear cupid, my guy absolutely LOVES for me to go down on him. honestly, i think that's even more appealing to him than sex. i don't have any problem with his love of head; i love giving it to him, because i know it turns him on and makes him ha...
A. 31 December 2011: My guess is that more than the claim of "wetness" (since a mouth is much wetter and capable of producing fluid on command) he enjoys the thought of you tasting yourself. This seems to be a pretty common turn on.
You can easily wipe him off and ... (read in full...)
Has my break up given me an eating disorder?
Q. I'm 32 and have 2 children. I split up with my partner on the 9th December. Was quite a bad break up and since then I just don't have any appetite what so ever.....I just push food around my plate and barely eat anything. Typical daily example is a ...
A. 31 December 2011: Everyone deals with depression differently. Some people overeat, some undereat. Neither is an eating disorder. An eating disorder has nothing to do with appetite and everything to do with self image. I second talking to your doctor about the Prozac ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 31 December 2011: Also out of over 50,000 prostituted women, 92% HATE what they do and would get out if they had the means. Every ex prostituted woman I know refers to prostitution as pay-per-rape. So I would seriously caution against that.... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 31 December 2011: OP, you're still not listening to anything anyone who isn't sympathizing with you is saying. You have an obsession with this idea of sex politics and have this unbelievably unhealthy view of sex in general. There's no way you can have any kind of ... (read in full...)
Should I let my b/f know I've never had an orgasm through regular sex?
Q. I've never had an orgasm through intercourse and I was wondering if anybody else has had this problem and how they fixed it. I've never told my fiance about it before and I don't know if I should. I think he might get upset. The sex we have is ...
A. 31 December 2011: Why are you ashamed of something that is totally normal? if your bf doesn't know this about women, he's pretty clueless. Only 25% of women EVER, in their entire lives, have an orgasm from penetration alone. And that's not necessarily can regularly, ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 30 December 2011: OP you are obviously not here to listen to what anyone has to say and haven't listened to ONE WORD of what any aunt here is saying unless he gives you a pat on the head and the sympathy you feel you deserve for the torment you've suffered at the ... (read in full...)
What does it mean? My girlfriend wants sex without a condom
Q. gf wants sex without a condom, what does this mean? in all relationships i been in never had a girl ask to have sex without a condom, this is first time, bit wierd, does this mean she loves me or wants kids? ...
A. 30 December 2011: Condoms can feel uncomfortable, be awkward to deal with, and can interrupt everything. She may want to feel you rather than feel latex. There are many reasons.
Regardless of her reasons, you need to both be tested for STDs before switchin... (read in full...)
Husband (also doctor) addicted to teen porn...just told me he hates me for asking him
Q. My husband has admitted to being addicted to porn years ago but it was never a real issue because he hid it. I recently borrowed his laptop and he had over 89 bookmarks of 'teen' porn and he used the name like 'morgage payments' to hid the sites. On ...
A. 30 December 2011: Thanks Cerberus. :)
I am not sure this is so much a porn issue as an emotionally abusive jerk issue, though porn addiction can sometimes bring out EXTREME defensiveness (as in saying "I hate you"). I think the only way to salvage this is to go to... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 28 December 2011: No one on here is saying you HAVE to wait for "the one" (if there even is such a thing) or even someone special. I didn't wait for "the one" and I don't regret it at all. What we are telling you? That if you expect to find a woman who will wait ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 22 December 2011: I suppose then you will be using one of only two chances on your punchcard. Does that mean if the next person you have sex with isn't your soulmate you never get to have sex again?
If you believe sex is what is keeping you from being happy or... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 21 December 2011: So someone who has sex before you is used up, but you're planning on doing the same to yourself. I'm assuming if you met a woman later who said she'd slept with a random guy to get it over with you'd dump her, according to your current standards. If ... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 15 December 2011: My advice is to wait for someone you care about. What sense is there in losing it just for the sake of losing it?
If you're really set on it though, don't worry about lasting long or performance. You won't be able predict what it will feel lik... (read in full...)
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