A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I know this is a popular problem amongst women (apparently) but whenever I have sex I never orgasm. I mean I like sex enough and I want to have it, but when I hear all my friends chatting about how great it is I just think 'why doesn't it happen to me?' If i'm honest i've never really orgasmed from anything a guys done to me... maybe i'm just not relaxed enough? I can do it to myself no bother!When talking to guy friends, they all seem to find it odd if their girlfriends don't orgasm during sex, and I honestly thought maybe they're just all faking it... (which is something I never do) but now I just feel like the only one who can't do it, even through oral, which I really like! Is there something wrong with me?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 The only problem I have to suggest for you is the statement, "If i'm honest i've never really orgasmed from anything a guys done to me."
Does that also mean a man giving oral stimulation? As usual, "person12345" is very astute. She is terrific. Most women do not orgasm via vaginal penetration alone. I'm less certain about her assertion of 75 percent, but somewhere near about 1/3 is certainly possible. In my experience in more than 45 year since losing male virginity, not counting so much the early 10 years or so, women definitely need a bunch more "heating up" than most guys will provide. Especially young guys.
What am I talking about? Well, cunnilingus became my solution decades ago. It works. Some women prefer not to allow it, but in my experience, that is a small percentage. It does required skill. Check out my several postings on the subject in this Web site's archives beginning with: Double M on cunnilingus.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 January 2012):
 The guys who are confused that any girl doesn't orgasm during sex are probably with women who are faking or haven't actually had sex yet. The vast majority of women NEVER orgasm during sex (75%). Not because they're broken but because intercourse doesn't usually hit the sensitive bits. Your vagina is probably the least sensitive part of your genital region. At best the inside of your vagina is an erogenous zone. it can feel great, but just stimulating your vagina alone can't get even the majority of women who can orgasm from sex there. The women who can orgasm during intercourse without adding in hands or toys are usually getting indirect clitoral stimulation (though there are some exceptions).
Your clitoris is your orgasm button. It needs stimulation in order for you to have an orgasm. I'll frame it this way, would anyone be surprised if a man didn't have an orgasm if he wasn't stimulating his penis? No. So asking a woman to orgasm without stimulating her clitoris is the same. Just stimulating your vagina is about the same as just stimulating a guy's scrotum. Feels good, but won't push you over the edge.
While you're having intercourse you need to add in clitoral stimulation. Since you have no problems on your own, just add in your own hands and masturbate during sex. It will be an awesome view for him too and I'm sure he won't mind you actually being able to enjoy sex!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Nothing's wrong with you. It probably does have to do with how relaxed you are...and that depends a lot on your relationship with your partner. Do you like the guys you have sex with? Are you comfortable and ease with them? If not, it's not surprising that you can't.
You might just have to know a person deeply and for a long time before you can fully enjoy sex with them. That happened to be the case with me...it took me about 4 months with my first boyfriend before I started having orgasms. Don't get me wrong, I liked the sex, but I just couldn't pass the finish line. I think 25% of it was figuring out was mechanics. I think the other 75% was just learning how to be comfortable being with him.
And you're correct, there is a lot of pressure to fake it...and a lot of pressure for women at your age to enjoy sex more than they actually might.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): If you Google this, a lot of different sites and studies come up that, interestingly, pretty much concur that only 30% or thereabouts of women can orgasm through penetration.
I've slept with 10 girls in my 33 years, out of which 3 orgasmed during sex, so it sounds pretty much spot on to me. The other 7 were all able to come from clitoral stimulation during foreplay though.
I do believe that sex in a relationship becomes better as time progresses (assuming all other aspects of the relationship are going well), as the partners get to know each others' bodies better, and the required moves or actions to trigger their pleasure response become reflex actions on the part of the 'giver'. Sort of like how when you're 5 you have to concentrate very hard to tie your shoelaces, but by 10 you don't even have to think about it.
However, regardless of the bloke's skill, I think women have to be born capable of a vaginal orgasm. That is, having an anatomy that includes a sufficiently large G spot in a sufficiently accessible position to be stimulated by a penis during sex.
Try and find out whether you can come through G spot stimulation by experimenting alone, with your fingers or a vibrator. If you happen not to be one of the priveleged 30%, just teach your guy what works for you instead and, above all, don't feel bad or inadequate because of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): No there is nothing wrong with you. The female orgasm is an illusive thing and you may well find that in time and a little more experience it will happen for you with a partner. Most girls fake it from time to time, so guys are not always aware that it didn't happen. It is a fact of life. But enjoying the whole experience is the main thing. There is a lot of pleasure to be had in the whole intimacy of the experience, regardless of the orgasm. So relax, and be aware that many other girls have felt as you do, regardless of what they say.
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