| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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I reconnected, got a little bit stalky, he disconnected
Q. I use to see a guy in highschool that contacted me on facebook he was excited and I was to get in contact again he is still attractive. We talked for a bit on chat and exchanged numbers so he can text or call me. Things went a bit awry and I think I ...
A. 6 May 2012: No. If you've pushed him to the point of blocking you from contact, regardless of why, there's nothing you can do except to leave him alone. Sorry.... (read in full...)
Do you think that you can fall in love with someone after just spending half a day with them?
Q. quick question here, do you think that you can fall in love with someone after just spending half a day with them? because i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months now and we met at college, had coffee, talked for hours on end until we had...
A. 6 May 2012: Definitely not after only a few hours. You can develop feelings of infatuation/those honeymoon phase hormones, but it's not the same as love. It can feel very very powerful, in fact I'd say it feels a lot more "urgent" than real love. Like your ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend getting rough during sex, how do I handle this?
Q. i'm not sure if this is a problem or not, but any help would be appreciated all the same. my boyfriend and i have been together for over 6 months, we were each others first (which was incredibly gentle and romantic) and everything has been plain s...
A. 6 May 2012: "i don't want to tell him that he's not allowed to be rough because it's got to work both ways"
No. It doesn't work like that at all. Sure there's give and take in a relationship, but that give and take should never involve letting him hurt you... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed! My B/f is always lying to me and then turning things around as if its my fault for "not trusting him enough" or "getting angry about stupid things"!
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship and i love my boyfriend. Ever since i left, he has been going out to clubs, bars and parties. Even though it bothers me, I try to be okay with it because i cannot expect to have him stay at home until I return. ...
A. 5 May 2012: If you call him out for lying to you and his response is to say "why don't you trust me" rather than to actually answer you, this is called a "red herring." When he can no longer explain himself, he throws something out that he knows you will have ... (read in full...)
How do I get my partner to do his share of work?
Q. Hey guys, thanks in advance for your answers Me and my boyfriend have lived together for a year (with his mum, in her flat). And now we have moved into our own flat just 4 weeks ago. Basically the problem is he is chronically lazy! He refuses...
A. 4 May 2012: He pees in the kitchen sink?! That's utterly disgusting.
http://www.uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUArchive/polhousework.html... (read in full...)
Short term relationships: What does porn and experience do to girls' perceptions of sex and penis size?
Q. I get the impression here that this site is mostly about longer term relationships, but I would like to ask something about the purely sexual side of things because I'm certain that a large percentage of girls LOVE sex and will have sex (sex buddy, ...
A. 4 May 2012: If porn makes you so insecure, why do you watch it? I'm not sure how much you're watching, but in the real world most women don't enjoy casual sex. Not because women don't like sex, but because in the vast majority of cases women don't even have an ... (read in full...)
Should I accept my brother's girlfriend Facebook request?
Q. This may seem like no big deal but I should let you know that I keep my facebook friend list very limited. I don't go around sending or accepting requests for and from everyone I meet on the street. (this isn't twitter). I have about 100 hundred ...
A. 4 May 2012: Accepting a fb request isn't some kind of legally binding contract! If they break up, you can always un-friend her. If you're not comfortable letting her see your profile you can put her on a limited profile (settings, privacy). That way there is no ... (read in full...)
I want anal again but she refuses! What should I do? I want to go with a call girl just for revenge!
Q. We did it two times but she doesn't want it anymore, the first time was painful to her but the second one she enjoyed because i did it a soft way! Now i desire to have anal intercourse again with her but she doesn't want it, we've talked about th...
A. 4 May 2012: Clearly she didn't like it the first two times. Isn't it obvious that she was pretending to like it because she wanted to make you happy? Anal sex hurts the vast majority of women. It feels like losing your virginity x10 (which feels kind of like ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 4 May 2012: How drunk was she? Because there is a reason that when sober people have sex with drunk/high people it's considered legally sexually assault. It's hard to say what happened because both of your memories are "tainted" by what you want the outcome to ... (read in full...)
Ex wants someone who looks like me - is she still hung up on me?
Q. I signed up to an online dating agency and saw an ex of mine on there. We broke up 3 years ago but she had described me as her ideal date! Right down to body type, hair and eye colour, personality traits Do you think she might just have a type or ...
A. 3 May 2012: Type and compatibility are totally different. My "type" tends to be thin with dark shaggy hair, dark eyes, and sharp/pointy features and then personality tends to be shy and nerdy. I've dated several men who fit that description but I was only ... (read in full...)
Would you find it hard to stay friends with your ex if he met someone else?
Q. Hi, When we met a year ago, my boyfriend was very close to an ex girlfriend (they had been broken up a few years but stayed good friends) They stayed in contact for the first few months we were together but then she stopped getting in touch...
A. 3 May 2012: I don't think it's appropriate to be close with an ex while you're currently in another relationship. Maybe your boyfriend told her to back off but didn't want to tell you (maybe he thought it was early enough in the relationship you'd interpret it ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 3 May 2012: You don't HAVE to get over anything. If you want to be with her though, no one is going to fault you. It's a real gray area. The only thing it comes down to is do you want to be with her, or not. You can justify/rationalize staying or leaving ... (read in full...)
How can I stay away from the Friend Zone?
Q. I'm tired of being friend zoned by girls. The only time I wasn't friend zoned by a girl was when I was in my rebel years. Back then they were asking me left and right if I had a girlfriend. I was the guy that straight up ignored every girl in sight ...
A. 2 May 2012: Women don't become uninterested after they've been friends for awhile. Either they like you or they don't, simple as that. If they actually like you that grow with friendship, not disappear.
This summarizes it well:
http://an... (read in full...)
How can I stay away from the Friend Zone?
Q. I'm tired of being friend zoned by girls. The only time I wasn't friend zoned by a girl was when I was in my rebel years. Back then they were asking me left and right if I had a girlfriend. I was the guy that straight up ignored every girl in sight ...
A. 2 May 2012: "Friend zone" just means they don't like you like that, it's a super gendered term basically as a way to vilify women for rejecting a guy. Being a nice guy doesn't entitle you to sex or a relationship. There are two kinds of nice guys. There are the ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 2 May 2012: First things first, stop asking about the details of the event. It will only make you both feel worse. The reason people tend to obsessively ask is they are convinced that if they keep explaining, something innocent will come out and make them feel ... (read in full...)
The power of pride or call?
Q. Hey, i have dated for 8 months and i've got along with him pretty well. The only thing that bothered me was that i had always call him or text him if we should meet. He always answered, but never called or texted me first. I asked him about that a...
A. 2 May 2012: Wait for him to call you. The ball is in his court now.... (read in full...)
My friends with benefits is jealous, what should I do?
Q. Hi I could really do with some good honest answers regarding this I have been sleeping with a man for a few months now we are not together as a couple I told him I would like us to be but he said he didn't want a relationship I went out at the ...
A. 2 May 2012: First off, you like him and he rejected you, it is time to move on. This will end in heartbreak for you, no question about it. My guess is you're only sticking around in the hopes he changes his mind, well why would he? He's happy right where he is ... (read in full...)
My husband is out of the country and I'm falling for a co-worker. What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone! after a year im here again, dearcupid was been my adviser for all of my lovelife and good they dont fail me to help. I am now married for half a year, me and my husband we've been together for 2 years, I love him of course hes been...
A. 2 May 2012: You have to find your way to distance yourself. Establish yourself as his boss, don't text him about non-work related business, don't talk about work related business. When he tries to change the subject, steer it back to work.
Think about ho... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I love the smell of my girlfriend?
Q. My girlfriend and me don't really sleep together but every now and again we do get intimate. I have a real fetish of sniffing her knockers though. Is that wrong? She kind of knows I do it but it isn't talked about. I just love the smell of her......
A. 2 May 2012: Pheromones man, pheromones. It's generally thought to mean you're a good genetic match if you two like the smell of each other. I personally think my bf smells great when he's sweaty and when his hair is unwashed, same with my bf around me. I can't ... (read in full...)
How can people not think of pornography as cheating?
Q. I have something bothering me i've read and discussed this and people say that a boyfriend using porn is no different than him imagining someone in his head but I strongly disagree. Masturbating to porn is alot worse it is an actual picture but ...
A. 2 May 2012: I wrote an article on this last year, I would advise you read over its 97 comments before engaging in this long debate. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-pornography-cheating.html Around 25% of women feel the same as you, around 60% of women don... (read in full...)
Why are people kinder to goodlooking people?
Q. hey aunties, I was just wondering lately why people ( in general) are nicer to other people who are pretty? In daily life I've noticed this, but I can't really think of why because in this case men who are nicer to beautiful women won't really get ...
A. 2 May 2012: There is a thought that there is some kind of genetic link between desirable traits, like physical attractiveness and intelligence, though I'm not sure how much evidence there actually is for that.
I think that people are taught to value certain ... (read in full...)
Guys & kissing..likes and dislikes?
Q. Guys can you answer a few questions about kissing, do you like when girls use tongue or no tongue when they kiss you? Where do you like their hands to be, on your chest, arms, waist, back of your neck etc.? Also, do you like when a girl ...
A. 1 May 2012: All guys are different and I know I'm not a guy, but I've asked my bf many times what his preferences are. He likes when I grab the back of his head and pull him into me while we kiss. Also if I just wrap my arms around him and kind of hug while we ... (read in full...)
Why can't I focus on sex?
Q. I'm having an issue focusing during sex with my boyfriend. Whenever we're apart, I'm dying for sex but then we're together and I can't seem to clear my mind enough to actually enjoy it. He tries to hold out long enough for me to get off, but then ...
A. 1 May 2012: The vast majority (75%) of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. You sound like the problem is less on focusing and more on the fact that you're totally normal and need another form of stimulation to get off. Most women need oral, digital ... (read in full...)
Will penetration hurt?
Q. I finger myself and i wanna know if when i have sex it will hurt. I mean i finger and it doesn't hurt, so will penetration hurt? ...
A. 1 May 2012: What Chigirl said. Penetration generally hurts the first time most often because the woman isn't aroused enough, and/or because the guy is just shoving it in there too fast. Contrary to popular belief, sex does not actually change the size of your ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for my boyfriend and I to love each other but have no sexual chemistry?
Q. Is it possible for my bf and I to love each other but have no sexual chemistry? We have been dating for three months and we love each other very much. We have a healthy realtionship in every aspect except the bed. Its either he cant get an erecetio...
A. 1 May 2012: I agree with masturbation/porn cut backs. While some men really do struggle to achieve orgasm, given that he's taking his frustration about this out on you I'm guessing he has no problem getting there on his own. If he is serious about making this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend squeezed a girl's breasts!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been dating my boyfriend since Febraury 14th :). It's been 77 days, but the thing is while spring break which was 3 weeks ago. People dared him to sqeeze a girls breats, and he did.. He always flirt in my school. Im a little t...
A. 1 May 2012: You don't need his permission to dump him, he groped another girl! Did he even have her permission? Either way, dump him. If someone dared him to kiss her, would he? Do you want to stick around to find out? I'm guessing no.... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 1 May 2012: He doesn't feel hurt, he feels manipulative. He knows you're very empathetic and if he plays all hurt you will feel guilty. Stop feeling guilty because he doesn't actually feel hurt. If you were turning him down all the time, sure. But refusing to ... (read in full...)
Is it true men love stockings and suspenders?
Q. Hi everyone I just need to ask a quick question I am planning on surprising my boyfriend. Is it true that men love stockings and suspenders? I just need some answers as I am unsure whether he would like it or not thank you ...
A. 1 May 2012: Not all men like the same things. Many men find lingerie to be silly/inferior to nothing. There's no way to know if he'd like it. But yes, lots of men do like garters and stockings.... (read in full...)
Husband putting oral sex above everything else.
Q. My husband and I have been married for 6 years, our sex life has always been great, but lately I feel that I am nothing more than a mouth for him. He wants oral sex everyday, and though I dont mind it, it seems that he has no emotions about it, no ...
A. 1 May 2012: This is appalling behavior. If he won't talk about it, then you need to stop doing this. He does not get to emotionally bully you into pleasuring him. Next time he refuses to talk, you tell him that no talking about it, no oral sex. If he wants to ... (read in full...)
Guys, you know porn is fake, right?
Q. Okay, so this is another porn question. I know I know, this seems to be a rather popular topic But I am straight up just curious. Obviously a lot of men like porn and a lot of women as well. This is a question for men, both single and in a ...
A. 30 April 2012: First off, quoting psychology today is like quoting Cosmo. It's a pop psych magazine, it's not actual research. That article quotes the same small handful of correlation studies that all pop psych magazines quote over and over that don't actually ... (read in full...)
Please help me win my husbands affections again
Q. How can I make my husband fancy me? Hi, I had a baby just under 12 weeks ago and obviously my body is not what it was, I put on more than 50% of my body weight while pregnant (from 9 stone to 14 stone) and still weigh 2 stone more than I'd like. P...
A. 30 April 2012: Why can't your husband help out with the baby? This is a baby you've had together, not one you had autonomous of him. That means he needs to be helping out. If you literally can't even have a few hours to yourself, there's a huge problem. He should ... (read in full...)
Does my BF deny masturbating to sexy girls' pictures online?
Q. Actually I just wanted some opinions on this, thanks in advance!! : My bf has been seeing girls' pictures on Facebook (sometimes his friends, friends of friends... , or even some girls she doesn't know); besides FB, he also checks out sexy model p...
A. 29 April 2012: He's almost definitely lying. It is possible for guys to be looking at pretty girls on fb, but it's highly unlikely he would download the photo just to look at it because it's pretty, pretty much impossible. You should explain to him that you are ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to come clean about why he cheated on me,should I talk to him or let it go?
Q. my ex and I had a 4 year relationship that ended because he cheated on me. I cut off all communication after we broke up until he posted a long status on Facebook about our relationship, and how he made mistakes and his mistakes shouldn't be coun...
A. 29 April 2012: He wants to get rid of his own guilt, he doesn't care about you at all with this. Do not do it. It will make you feel worse and him feel better and I don't think you really want either of those, do you? Block him and tell him to bugger off. If he ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged. But should I act on my powerful crush I have with my co-worker?
Q. I have been working with this married woman for about two years. I'm engaged. There was an instant attraction. She is this sexy hipster with a really cute face and a hot body. We started texting and the texts became heated. We decided to pull bac...
A. 29 April 2012: You've already basically had an emotional affair with this woman, it's not fair to your fiancée the way you've already behaved. If I knew this was happening with my bf, that he was sneaking around texting and wanking daily while fantasizing about a ... (read in full...)
Are most Friends with Benefits relationships usually kept secret or not?
Q. Hi everyone just a quick question about Friends With Benefits (fwbs) I am currently in one with a guy I really like I was just wondering if all fwbs are usually kept secret or do people tell each other they are in one? I have asked this question...
A. 29 April 2012: If you like this guy, you should end the FWB as this will only end in heartbreak for you. I know if you like someone, this seems like the second best option, but it's really not. It's worse than not doing anything because you've made yourself ... (read in full...)
My insecure wife constantly accuses me of looking at other women!
Q. My wife and I have a problem. We have been together 8 years, we are mid 30's early 40's (I am 6 years younger), unable to have children after having multiple miscarriages. My problem is this; that every time we go out, be it the mall, supermarket, ...
A. 29 April 2012: SVC captured it perfectly. She is traumatized by miscarrying and feels old and infertile and assumes that you MUST not want her anymore. She should a) go to therapy to deal with the trauma of not being able to have any children after trying and b) ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be repulsed by oral sex?
Q. Hi. I'm 17 years old and I'm dating a 21 year old man. We've been dating for 2.3 years and I lost my virginity to him over a year ago. He is my first boyfriend and was my first everything. Anyway, we have a pretty active sex life (3-4x a week) and ...
A. 29 April 2012: "he even wants to marry me soon"
"I'm so worried that he's going to leave me"
I may not have a degree in linguistics, but I'm pretty sure if someone says they want to marry you that means they don't want to break up.
Your boyfriend sounds lik... (read in full...)
I tried shaving private area with a razor but it grows back too fast. What else can I try?
Q. i feel really self conscious when it comes to shaving down there. i love it to be completely smooth so use a razor, but after a day or 2 it starts to grow back and feels really prickley. however its not long enough to shave without hurting and ...
A. 28 April 2012: Why not just trim it? You are allowed to have hair there you know. If your boyfriend is so set on you being hairless I wonder when the last time he did the same for you was?
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/04/war-pubic-hair.html... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a great guy, and is definitely someone I can see myself settling down with BUT I really like my guy friend and want to pursue things with him. What should I do?
Q. I've dated a lot of guys over the past year, but finally picked someone I could see myself having a future with. He's a great guy! We've been dating for about three months, he's really intelligent (working on his PHD), attractive, athletic, and has ...
A. 28 April 2012: You're playing with fire here. Yes it's flattering to be pursued by another guy, but it doesn't mean anything about your chemistry or your current relationship. The grass is always greener you know... After the honeymoon phase starts to wear off ... (read in full...)
I'm filthy rich and very independant and it seems that most guys are intimidated by the fact that they have nothing to offer me
Q. I'm in my early thirties, I've never been in a serious relationship and once I get to know someone it never develops into anything and it's generally over within a month. I'm pretty but I don't dress to show my assets, don't sleep with guys for the ...
A. 28 April 2012: I hear this being more of a commitment problem than a money problem. It sounds like you need to let your guard down more and be careful not to give off an icy vibe and also stop being so shy. Guys don't have to make the first move, you sometimes ... (read in full...)
Why is it that people seem to practice safe penetrative sex on porn sites, but not safe oral sex?
Q. Me and my pals were in the pub the other day and the subject of safe sex came up(we r all married and well into our forties and apparently std's are on the rise for age group). Why is it that on many porn sites,swinging sites people seem to practice ...
A. 28 April 2012: Most porn (more than 90%) doesn't use condoms for penetration, even for multiple penetrations or anal sex. I'm not sure where you get the idea most does. Maybe on swinging sites, but most does not. Watching porn has been found to be a risk factor in ... (read in full...)
Guys, you know porn is fake, right?
Q. Okay, so this is another porn question. I know I know, this seems to be a rather popular topic But I am straight up just curious. Obviously a lot of men like porn and a lot of women as well. This is a question for men, both single and in a ...
A. 24 April 2012: No one is saying porn causes otherwise non-violent men to rape, but there is no question among ANY researchers that porn use, especially violent porn use increases aggression (not the same as actually going and raping someone) and increases ... (read in full...)
Guys, you know porn is fake, right?
Q. Okay, so this is another porn question. I know I know, this seems to be a rather popular topic But I am straight up just curious. Obviously a lot of men like porn and a lot of women as well. This is a question for men, both single and in a ...
A. 18 April 2012: If someone gets shot in an action move they didn't really get shot. If someone is exposed to HIV or double penetrated or forced to gag/vomit in porn, that did really happen. Not only are they not the same, they are opposites.... (read in full...)
Guys, you know porn is fake, right?
Q. Okay, so this is another porn question. I know I know, this seems to be a rather popular topic But I am straight up just curious. Obviously a lot of men like porn and a lot of women as well. This is a question for men, both single and in a ...
A. 17 April 2012: It's been shown many times (in studies performed since the 1970s) that porn does not "cause" violence among about 3/4 of people, but among risk groups it is a very significant contributing factor in their likelihood to actually commit sexually ... (read in full...)
Guys, you know porn is fake, right?
Q. Okay, so this is another porn question. I know I know, this seems to be a rather popular topic But I am straight up just curious. Obviously a lot of men like porn and a lot of women as well. This is a question for men, both single and in a ...
A. 16 April 2012: Well that depends. Older guys probably consciously mostly think it's fake. The more worrying thing is people who don't realize it's real. What I mean by that is the idea that it's fantasy when it's not. The comments about thinking the women are hot ... (read in full...)
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