A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having an issue focusing during sex with my boyfriend. Whenever we're apart, I'm dying for sex but then we're together and I can't seem to clear my mind enough to actually enjoy it. He tries to hold out long enough for me to get off, but then having sex for a long time ends up hurting and I get dry. What in the world is wrong with me?!? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 May 2012):
 The vast majority (75%) of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. You sound like the problem is less on focusing and more on the fact that you're totally normal and need another form of stimulation to get off. Most women need oral, digital (fingers), or electronic (vibrator) stimulation to have an orgasm. My guess is sex would be more fun for both of you if you tried to focus on other ways to have an orgasm than just penetration, since that doesn't work for most women on the planet!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): It could be so many things OP.
But it sounds like you're putting the success and failure of having sex on whether you have an orgasm or not. Have you have an orgasm through intercourse before and if so has it happened with this guy?
Because most girls can only orgasm through clit stim and intercourse while pleasurable and enjoyable just never does that for them.
OP focussing during sex kind of defeats the purpose, it's best when you just let go and enjoy it. He shouldn't hold out either he should just pop after a while and finish you off with his hand or mouth, perhaps give you an orgasm before you start intercourse.
Now if you normally are able to orgasm through intercourse then perhaps he's just not the right size or shape, perhaps you haven't figured out which positions work best or perhaps you just have stress in your life. It's also possible that he may just not turn you on. Maybe you're not as sexually attracted to him as you think you are, maybe you unknowingly prefer women. Maybe you don't enough foreplay to relax you and so on.
There are millions of possibilities OP. You'll just have to figure out which one applies to your situation.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Most woman don't actually achieve orgasm through penetration. So it could be that maybe he needs to concentrate more on your clitoris and using his hands and mouth to get you off. Maybe try that for a while.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (1 May 2012):
 I don't think anything is wrong with you. But just out of curiosity.. when you're craving for sex with your boyfriend, do you vision/fantasize him being intimate with you a certain way? If you are, then I think it's best for you to share with him your desires, what you like/don't like, and what he could do to satisfy you more.
If he doesn't have that information, or you don't talk about it, then he's going to continue doing things the same way- leaving you unsatisfied and frustrated.
You may also want to include certain things in the bedroom too to help with the dryness such as lube. And if you both like foreplay... bring in things such as honey, whipped cream, or chocolate for a more tasty, appealing, and romantic feel. When it comes to the actual penetration, try switching up positions, include dirty talking, and/or change the speed at which you two are intimate (determine whether you like it faster or slower).
And if all else fails, see a sex therapist. You may be able to get more ideas on how to make your sex life better- and learn what's holding you back from enjoying sex with your boyfriend.
Best Wishes!
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