A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've dated a lot of guys over the past year, but finally picked someone I could see myself having a future with. He's a great guy! We've been dating for about three months, he's really intelligent (working on his PHD), attractive, athletic, and has his life in order--basically, he's a rare breed with both brains AND muscles. He's an excellent boyfriend. However, there's another guy who I'm really attracted to. This guy is also in the legal profession, so we have a lot of mutual friends. He's really good looking, and I like his personality. I think the feelings are mutual; whenever we're at social get-togethers, we tend to find each other and talk for extended periods. He asks me a lot of silly "getting to know you" types of questions. (Ex: what's your favorite ice cream flavor?) Also, we've been out to dinner by ourselves once, but it was after a group activity. We were both hungry, and decided to pop into a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. It was supposed to be two friends sharing a meal, although it felt a little "date like".So, here's the situation. My boyfriend is a great guy, and this is definitely someone I can see myself settling down with. He will make a great husband and father. Also, our future children will be really good looking! However... I really like the guy friend and want to pursue things with him. What should I do?Option 1: Do nothing. My boyfriend is great, and I should not rock the boat.Option 2: Talk to my boyfriend about this, take a break to figure things out. Then talk to the guy friend to see how he feels about me.Option 3: Talk to the guy friend first, to see if the feelings are mutual. If they are, then pursue that and break up with my boyfriend.I like the idea of being in a relationship... casually dating a lot of guys was fun, and I enjoyed the attention, but I want someone "meaningful". However, now that I have something with potential, I'm itching to pursue someone else. What's wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): I have to agree with Janniepeg, your boyfriend deserves to know that he's not the one for you and you've already been developing a relationship with someone else who you now want to pursue.
OP while your boyfriend has all the qualities to be a great partner that's obviously not enough for you as you yearn for this other guy.
I have to disagree with person12345, distancing yourself from this other guy will only paper over the cracks of a problem that won't go away. There will be other guys that you will find appealing and you will want them too because simple put your current guy is just not enough or you wouldn't want more.
I have a feeling that while person12345 may have had crushes during relationships, when the guy she was with at the time was enough for her she probably never found herself in the position of actually having to ask the questions you are now and actually giving serious consideration to the idea.
What would your boyfriend want here OP?
I personally would want to know. If you're that easily wooed by other guys to the point where it makes you yearn for them and give serious thought to dumping me to do so then I'd call it a day.
For the record OP all your options are so incredibly self-centred and selfish.
Take a break from your boyfriend so you can have a go with the other guy? "Hey honey, listen there's this other guy I really like, let's take a break so I can pursue him and if he says no I'll get back together with you, sound good? :D"
Go talk to this other guy behind your boyfriends back and see if he is willing? That's okay to do is it? So he says no and your boyfriend then is the booby prize?
Sorry OP but your boyfriend deserves a lot better than that. You're treating him like an "option" and are showing absolutely no respect to him at all.
Show him what you wrote here OP, so he can see for himself what kind of woman he is dealing with.
Just to make myself clear, what person12345 says is correct in the sense that finding another appealing while in a relationship can happen, but you've gone way over the line and are pretty much emotionally cheating on your boyfriend by letting another man woo you.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You're playing with fire here. Yes it's flattering to be pursued by another guy, but it doesn't mean anything about your chemistry or your current relationship. The grass is always greener you know... After the honeymoon phase starts to wear off with a new boyfriend, the idea of that thrill again can be enticing, but it's not as good as it seems.
If things are great with your boyfriend you should definitely just stop hanging around this other guy. Don't give yourself the opportunity to fall for him. I've occasionally had a crush on another guy, but it's important to distance yourself and remind yourself you're not really falling for them, you are just enjoying the flattery.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Talk to your boyfriend first. I don't believe in soul mates, the one. Once I decided we are exclusive I don't think about others and entertain the idea of dating others. That's just me, once we made an agreement that we are true to each other when we are stuck together. I think that we can be in a good relationship and still day dream about others because it is nature that taught us to pick pick pick from a wide variety. Has your boyfriend expressed strong interest in you? Has he said that if he loses you he will get really hurt? You said "finally picked someone." I guess it is not that final. Dating goes both ways. It is possible that your boyfriend is also thinking about other girls. Have that talk heart to heart. Either go on with this relationship or end it now before dragging it on later which the hurt will be greater. But don't mention about the other guy yet.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Wow, some fantastic choices. However I offer you another option...
Option 4: Set both of of these guys free of this opportunistic female immediately.
Seriously, you sound like you are dating by profession. Why not stay with your boyfriend. He sounds like a terrific guy.
As for the other guy, so what? He sounds like a nice guy too, and I am sure that there would be plenty of attractive guys in the legal profession if you change your mind later.
You are in a fortunate position, why tempt fate?
A quick re-think:
Option 1: Sounds perfect - `If it ain't broke, don't fix it'.
Option 2: Will your boyfriend have any respect left for you to have the option to come back to revisit option 1.
Option 3: I really think this will totally eliminate option 1 for good. It just sounds a little callous to me. I would be asking myself `is this who I really am'?
All the best. :)
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (28 April 2012):
 In my opinion, if my girlfriend decided to break up withMe to pursue another Guy then that would be it between us. You can't take a break everytime you feel like you're attracted to somebody else. If you did that then what would be the point of an exclusive relationship? You are being very selfish to Think that your boyfriend's feelings can be cast aside just so that you could tangle up with someone else. THEN if things doesn't work out, you expect to run back into your boyfriend's arms.Do you not think that he will have less of an attraction to you? After all, you are basically calling him second best if you decided someone else was important enough to break the two of you up. It's very childish to think that you can have your boyfriend waiting just in case youk don't have chemistry with the other fellow. If your going to try out the other Guy then do your boyfriend a favor and not say that you're planning on coming back if it doesn't work out. It's like a slap in the face.Choose option one if you really love your boyfriend. Choose option three if you don't.
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