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This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 4 April 2012: Cerberus, everything you're making continues to be a straw man argument. Do you really have so little material to work with that you have to find something else to argue about? I have yet to see you attempt to make an argument other than either that ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy wants YOU to tie HIM up?
Q. My boyfriend is into restraints, or whatever it's called, where your hands are tied to the bedpost, and sometimes feet are tied to the.... bottom of the bed? wtf is it called? But anyways, he said once that he wants me to tie him up... What do...
A. 4 April 2012: If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it then! There's no obligation that you have to do something simply because your partner enjoys it.... (read in full...)
He got nasty when I got ill and couldnt have sex!
Q. Hi,I had terrible problems with my stomach including constant pain for a whole year and spent that time in and out of the medical centre. Then my condition worsened. For a while it looked like I was going to have an operation and I was absolutely ...
A. 31 March 2012: Also to add, morning sex is a bonus, not a right. What guy just crawls on top expecting sex EVERY morning? I mean morning sex can be lovely, but it's not something he's entitled to.... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 31 March 2012: What emotional aspect about chick flicks is so different from the emotional aspect of any dude movie where the guy lands Angelina Jolie? There is no difference between the two. If you want to talk about insecurity from Hollywood, then you have to be ... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 31 March 2012: Your point is basically that even though the vast majority of media features hot women as scenery, props, and decoration to the male leads, when the occasional shirtless man appears among the countless sexy babes in everything, it's exactly the same ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy wants YOU to tie HIM up?
Q. My boyfriend is into restraints, or whatever it's called, where your hands are tied to the bedpost, and sometimes feet are tied to the.... bottom of the bed? wtf is it called? But anyways, he said once that he wants me to tie him up... What do...
A. 30 March 2012: Why is it more natural for women to be tied up?... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 30 March 2012: Ogling? That's no different from say going to the beach. There is a huge difference between seeing a mostly clothed person in a non-sexual place and actively seeking out graphic hardcore porn so you can masturbate to it. There is NO difference betw... (read in full...)
He's gay but fools around with girls, but he's never made a move on me! What should I do?
Q. Hi guys and gals, I'd appreciate some help here.... There's this guy who's my college friend. He's gay and I think he's hot! Seriusly, im very attracted to him. Now recently i got a lil shock when i heard through the rumor mill that he was fool...
A. 30 March 2012: "he's selectively choosing to be with other girls but not me!"
Not everyone is attracted to everyone. Just because he's bi doesn't mean he suddenly is attracted to absolutely everyone! He still has certain people he likes and certain people h... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to explore women but not be interested in them?
Q. I want your advice and insight. I'm straight, I have a boyfriend but I often have fantasies of having sex with girls and I really enjoy watching lesbian porn. It feels weird to say that, but I feel like it's true. Or...maybe it just really really ...
A. 30 March 2012: Sure it's totally normal. It's even more normal for women who aren't gay to be turned on by lesbian porn because heterosexual porn is mostly made by men for men.
But regardless, if you have a boyfriend cheating is cheating. You don't get a free p... (read in full...)
Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection when they have a girlfriend?
Q. Can somebody help me? Why are men so reluctant to get rid of their porn collection even when they say their girlfriend is enough and is beautiful? Everybody says something like everyone has fantasies what does that mean? They are looking at the ...
A. 30 March 2012: Well it's very habit forming. Most men have probably been using it since they were fairly young, for some it was their first sexual experience. I'd imagine it's hard for someone who's rarely masturbated without porn to change.
The people who say ... (read in full...)
Could circumcision be to blame for me not being able to get an erection?
Q. i have undergone circumcision last year. But now i feel that my sensation in the operated region is reduced and also the sexual drive. i am not able to erect properly during intercourse. Is the surgery being done wrong or something else? ...
A. 30 March 2012: The sensation could have been reduced, but I don't see how that could change your sex drive (unless you associate trying with difficulty/pain). You need to go speak with a doctor.... (read in full...)
I cant orgasm when being fingered, is this normal? question to lesbians or girlies!
Q. This is a question for the girlies! More so lesbian girls/women...........when me and my ex girlfriend where having sex I never seemed to be able to orgasm when she fingered me. Is this like this for other women too? And how can I overcome this as I ...
A. 30 March 2012: "I don't want to just orgasm through clitoral stimulation!"
This is how women have orgasms though. Vaginas have very few nerve endings, it is not really a pleasure organ. It can feel good, but it's really more of an erogenous zone than anything... (read in full...)
For the first time, my boyfriend didn't turn me on!
Q. I am a bit worried because today for the first time i rejected my bf trying to have sex with me, I felt weird with the way he tried to start sex cause all he did was walk out of the room and come back in naked i told him i felt a bit uncomfortable ...
A. 30 March 2012: You really feel "terrible" that you said no to sex? You are not a sex toy, you are a human being who doesn't always feel horny (just like every other human on the planet). So from your question it sounds like you've been trying to sleep with your ... (read in full...)
Blow job with a condom?
Q. I want to give this guy a blow job but I can not stand semen! People tell me to spit it out but even the thought of having it in my mouth makes me wanna throw up. What should I do? Is it OK to give a blow job with a condom so that the semen doesn't ...
A. 30 March 2012: A condom will also prevent STDs, which can be transmitted thorough oral sex.
Though you don't have to have him finish in your mouth, you can have him get close and then finish him with your hands or something. Just make sure to tell him to give ... (read in full...)
What are the boundaries of cheating?
Q. Ok so I feel like I should know this already but I don't. What are the true boundaries of cheating on ur bf/gf ??? Cause one of my friends thinks it's when u have sex with someone else, another thinks it's when u make out with someone else, so ...
A. 30 March 2012: It differs from couple to couple, it's whatever the couple agrees on. If you're concerned, just discuss the boundaries with your partner. It's always safe to assume that ANYTHING sexual with another person is off limits. Making out definitely counts ... (read in full...)
Is wearing a sheer or see thru bathing suit OK?
Q. My boyfriend (of many years) asked me to remove the lining from a couple of my bikini's, so that when we go to the beach they will be see through. I did this to one of my darker suits, the results being not too dramatic. More noticible on top, but ...
A. 29 March 2012: If it's a nudist beach it's OK to be mostly naked. If it's not a nudist beach it's not appropriate to be essentially naked. It's true it's not as revealing as what you'd see at a nude beach in other countries, but you aren't in other countries, you ... (read in full...)
Do any of you have this fantasy? Have you acted on it? Was it fun, or do you deeply regret it?
Q. My wife and I have this recurring fantasy of me watching her get picked up by a guy at a bar or club and hooking up with him while I watch from across the room. The fantasy always stops short of sex, and never involves them leaving the bar, except ...
A. 28 March 2012: It's a very common fantasy. It is an almost unheard of reality. What I mean by that is that while many fantasize about their partner cheating on them (a voyeurism type thing), the vast majority who try to implement this fantasy in real life will ... (read in full...)
Is something going on between my B/f and his second cousin? What did those text messages mean?
Q. I’d like some input. I, begrudgingly, checked my boyfriend’s phone back in October because I had the strange feeling I couldn’t trust him. I found some text messages he had sent to his second cousin, but they were so obscure that I couldn’t tell for ...
A. 28 March 2012: Why on Earth would he need to know if she was on her period if he didn't want to have sex. This sounds VERY suspicious, as in you shouldn't trust him farther than you can throw him. It really sounds like he's cheating, I'm sorry.... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 28 March 2012: It doesn't have many nerve endings because it's for birthing babies, not pleasure. Luckily women have a separate organ entirely for pleasure, called a clitoris.... (read in full...)
I want to forgive my boyfriend for being involved with this girl but I have too many questions!
Q. I have a boyfriend of almost 2 years. Recently, we got into a huge fight and we broke up. During the time we broke up, we still see each other and hang out. Finally, we got back together after 5 days. Few days after, my friend told me that I s...
A. 28 March 2012: I don't see how this relationship can POSSIBLY work. You cheated on him, he's obviously still cheating on you (after he had been already), and you've already broken up. There is no trust in your relationship anymore. If you stay one of you is always ... (read in full...)
I want to get married and live together and now we're going to be in a 2 year LDR??
Q. I can't wait to get married and live together with my fiancee! He's 29 and I'm 23, and we've been together for 2 years, engaged for 1. We decided on a long engagement because we're both still in school, and he feels he should have his degree first ...
A. 28 March 2012: It sounds less like you are looking forward to the future and more like you're nervous that something will happen in 2 years. I know it seems like if you marry him before you move away it will give an extra layer of security to the relationship, but ... (read in full...)
Would you add on a facebook a guy who you sort of hooked up with?
Q. Would you add a guy who you brought back one night on Facebook? Or is that something you just don't do, apparently guys hate it? My friend said he would hate if a girl he went back, with found him on Facebook. Thing is, I didn't go searching him...
A. 28 March 2012: If he doesn't friend you back, he never had any interest to start with. I wouldn't friend him AND message him immediately, just send a friend request and see what happens. I once met a hot guy in a bar and we just talked for a bit. I added him on ... (read in full...)
Wife's friend is dating her ex, and I overheard them talking about his penis. I'm not happy!
Q. Should I be pissed off or not. My wife's friend is really hitting on a guy who used to date my wife. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Then she said ...
A. 28 March 2012: You need to calm down. I am not hearing anything wrong that your wife did, this sounds like a case of retrograde jealousy on your part. It's not like she said he's great in bed and she wishes she was with him or had a huge penis, she said he's small ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'll be infertile by the time its right to get married and have kids
Q. I turned 30 and have been feeling very worried about it. I have a great boyfriend and we have plans to get married but we are having some financial difficulties and cannot right now. He knows I want kids and wants them too but we dont have the ...
A. 28 March 2012: 35 is the number, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be having kids that late. My mom was 39 when she had me and I don't have any birth defects! You will just want to make sure you get amnio done and keep close contact with your doctor. Many women ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is videotaping other girls at the beach
Q. Hi, I went on a vacation with my boyfriend to an all inclusive resort he brought a video camera and I noticed he videotaped other girls at the beach... He was panning in on their breasts and butts and just videotaping girls. There were other video...
A. 28 March 2012: That's unbelievably creepy! It's not even so much that it's like porn, it's that he thinks it's acceptable to film women in public without their knowledge. I mean seriously, he has to have some screws loose to think that's even remotely OK. It's bad ... (read in full...)
I cheated because fiance ignored me now he's being all sweet
Q. HI so my problem orginally started out simple, my fiance of a handful of years didnt pay any attention to me, lacked any interest in me, didnt want to do anything with me and wanted to drink everyday he had off. I pretty much feel like it was my ...
A. 28 March 2012: He probably could tell you were about to break up with him and wanted to turn things around. Since you've already cheated on him it's not really fair to him to stay anymore.... (read in full...)
I wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin, but they are hard to find. Should I use a prostitute instead?
Q. Ok, so my situation is that I'm a virgin, and I always wanted to lose it to another virgin, but I'm almost 20 and girls like that are very hard to come by, this is very important for me, because I wanted to be able to be each other first. I kn...
A. 27 March 2012: Tisha and Chigirl are dead on, you are already finding a way to punish someone you've never met for a sexual past that you don't even know about yet.
You are treating virginity like it's some kind of physical object and only placing value on how i... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask your girlfriend to dress a certain way for sex?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been going out with my new girlfriend for a few months now and we've had sex a few times. While it's been great, I find it incredibly arousing when a woman 'dresses for sex' (i.e. lingerie, especially thigh-high stockings). She'...
A. 27 March 2012: Sure why not, so long as you pay for it! Like So Very Confused said, either take her shopping or ask if she thinks that's an appropriate thing to buy her. And never buy lingerie for a woman for her birthday or other holidays, because it's ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if a girl could be potentially checking me out?
Q. Hey aunts. I need some SERIOUS help. I'm having trouble telling if a girl likes me or not. I've only had two girlfriends in my 24 years of living. I think the reason for that is because I never step out of my comfort zone. When I see a girl I like, ...
A. 27 March 2012: You've gotten good answers so far, I want to just add one quick point. Just a reminder, women in public spaces can be subjected to harassment from strangers, so be mindful to put yourself in her shoes before approaching. You know you don't have ... (read in full...)
I need fashion help badly!
Q. I have never been real fashion trendy. I guess you can say i am more of a tom boy. I have wanted to be more style trendy since mom family is but i guess it skipped me. I am married and money has been tight so i don"t buy clothes for me unless i...
A. 27 March 2012: Start reading fashion magazines and blogs. It helps you get ideas, and puts you in a fashionable state of mind. Target is great, I have trouble finding clothes at Walmart personally, but I love their Dansko for Walmart line (exercise clothing) and ... (read in full...)
Am I just being a prude getting uncomfortable hubbie's new obsession?
Q. Hi! My husband and I have been married for 22 years and have a great sex life. Lately, he has been wanting to be in the same room as or have the possibility of having sex with another couple. He has been online searching and chatting with other ...
A. 27 March 2012: No you're not a prude. Have you tried talking to your husband about your concerns? Does the idea excite YOU? There are some things that are OK to do even if they don't turn you on, but there are other things that can really drive a wedge between you ... (read in full...)
He got nasty when I got ill and couldnt have sex!
Q. Hi,I had terrible problems with my stomach including constant pain for a whole year and spent that time in and out of the medical centre. Then my condition worsened. For a while it looked like I was going to have an operation and I was absolutely ...
A. 27 March 2012: Holy smokes what a jerk! I don't even know what to say, he obviously has no respect for you whatsoever. I would say what happens if you really get sick, but you were in the hospital and need surgery and this IS how he's behaving. You are not a sex ... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 27 March 2012: http://www.blogher.com/do-vaginal-orgasms-really-exist... (read in full...)
Why on earth would a woman say something like that to her husband? Should I start playing the same game, to make her realize that I can stray if I am not getting what I want at home?
Q. My wife and I are in our mid 40's and have been married a long time. Lately she has been changing quite a bit: working out a lot, getting botox, wearing revealing clothes out with ner girlfriends, communicating with guys she used to know from high ...
A. 27 March 2012: Sounds like some sort of "mid life crisis" thing. It definitely sounds like her self-esteem has taken a turn for the worse lately and she's looking to bolster her ego. If that's what it is, telling her you can look elsewhere is going to achieve the ... (read in full...)
What constitutes a one night stand?
Q. If a guy goes back to a girls house but they don't sleep together. But do some sort of foreplay, say like he fingers/feels her up and then he leaves in the morning both knowing they won't be seeing each other again, to be a one night stand? Beca...
A. 27 March 2012: I'd say it's really only a one night stand if they have sex.... (read in full...)
Problem when using new vibrator
Q. Hey guys first time here.I cant find any info so im hoping you guys can help. I just got a rabbit vibe, every time it touches my clit i get an intence feeling then i go pee its really embarcing but it just happens i cant control it. I even tryed ...
A. 27 March 2012: Sounds like the inner part is pressing on your g-spot, which can create a sensation like needing to pee. It's not actually a need to pee or anything having to do with your bladder. That's a totally normal sensation. If it doesn't hurt, put down some ... (read in full...)
Is my vagina supposed to look like this?
Q. Okay, This is more embarresing then anything and I amd soooo scared. See my friends are all doing stuff with there boyfriends and everything but I'm to scared because... I'm scared it looks diffrent.. I have wodered why mine have these skin flaps...
A. 27 March 2012: As long as it isn't painful or physically uncomfortable there's no such thing as normal. It's very normal for the inner labia to hang lower than the outer ones, it's also normal for them to be different sizes. Any guy who is repulsed by normal ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my brother in law that his wife wasn't a virgin when they married?
Q. I just found out something and I'm not sure if I should keep to myself. My wife is the youngest of 3 daughters. Her next oldest sister just filed for divorce and is already dating and sleeping with men even though her divorce isn't final. My ...
A. 27 March 2012: What does anyone have to gain from knowing that information? He probably already knows, but what good does telling him do if he doesn't?... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 26 March 2012: @ Tisha: YES
"Without a doubt, some women have vaginal orgasms"
As a woman and as a woman who can have orgasms from penetration, I'm telling you, they don't. 25% of women can orgasm from penetration, but it's not because their vagina gave them th... (read in full...)
Not confident when having sex! Has anyone else experienced this?
Q. Hi, I'm 19 and a bit confused.I have been with my boyfriend now for quite a while.I recently stayed at his house for the first time over a few days and we felt ready to take things a bit further then before.It was actually very sweet we were mucking ...
A. 26 March 2012: I'm not 100% what part you're lacking confidence in, but you've got to relax! You've never had sex before, so of course you don't know what to do. If you'd never knit before, do you think someone would hand you needles and yarn and expect a perfect ... (read in full...)
Met an aspiring actress, got on so well with her but found out she plans to sleep her way to the top!
Q. Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles! I was ...
A. 26 March 2012: This woman you met is the naive one. Sometimes for casting calls people will try to take advantage of the actress, claiming she needs to have sex to get the role, but in reality they usually have no intention of helping, they just want to get laid ... (read in full...)
Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?
Q. If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an av...
A. 26 March 2012: "If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex"
You will never find such a woman. "Vaginal" orgasms are clitoral orgasms where the clitoris is indirectly stimulated. Maybe there are some women who can orgasm only vagi... (read in full...)
Why are my nipples so tender when he plays with them now?
Q. So, lately, whenever my boyfriend plays with or sucks on my nipples they feel somewhat tender and it's not as peasureable as it used to be. We've been together for a little over six months and he's the only one that I've done this with. He's always ...
A. 25 March 2012: Hormones can definitely play a part in it, depending on what time of the month it is. At your age your breasts are likely also changing and might just be a little sore. Just ask your bf to be a little more gentle.... (read in full...)
Porn related questions
Q. A few questions.... Are there any lucky women here whose partner does not watch/use porn? Did you have to tell them to stop? Did they lose interest naturally, how long did it take? Why is it so vital to men that they get to masturbate over...
A. 25 March 2012: I'm the one who used the term "hyper-monogamist," in reference to my bf, not the OP.
But for reference, my bf does see a problem in thinking of other people while fantasizing because, I quote, "it means you find other people sexually attracti... (read in full...)
I'd like to see her Wild Side!
Q. my gf says she enjoys sex but i feel like she never really opens up during it... she never lets me see her wild side which i know she has. in the past she was known for that certain kind of behavior and has suffered from terrible self esteem from ...
A. 25 March 2012: Or maybe her fantasies are just having sex with lots of orgasms. Not everyone has a crazy wild side or hidden fantasies. Even if she behaved wildly before, it's likely that craziness was due to her self-esteem and wanting to be liked rather than ... (read in full...)
Should I break my 'don't date clients' rule for her?
Q. I'm a tattoo artist by profession and I believe that ethically I shouldn't date any client...But am I wrong? I'm absolutely crazy about a girl who's getting a tattoo off me in a few days...I've been refraining from asking her out on an actual date ...
A. 25 March 2012: I see your point, but I don't think there's an issue. I assume she's not getting your name tattooed there. If she really wants the tattoo, she'll still want it if you break up.... (read in full...)
Porn related questions
Q. A few questions.... Are there any lucky women here whose partner does not watch/use porn? Did you have to tell them to stop? Did they lose interest naturally, how long did it take? Why is it so vital to men that they get to masturbate over...
A. 24 March 2012: My partner doesn't watch, he didn't watch when we started dating. He's kind of a hyper-monogamist, which works fine for me. He's the one who brought up the topic and suggested neither of us use it. I find it extremely offensive when people suggest ... (read in full...)
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