A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm tired of being friend zoned by girls. The only time I wasn't friend zoned by a girl was when I was in my rebel years. Back then they were asking me left and right if I had a girlfriend. I was the guy that straight up ignored every girl in sight and I would literally tell them to f*ck off if I didn't feel like talking. Back then I could easily pick a girl and get with her, which I did.Now here I am. a few years later, two ex girlfriends down the line and an attitude adjustment in place. The funny part is, when I started to change my personality and mellowed out, they seem to find me less attractive. When I started to show more of a sensitive side, they got distant with me. I'm now more of a 'fun' guy to hang around and I make friends more easily than I ever did. problem with this is, now girls see me as a. . .pushover. No matter which girl I approach, I feel an unwanted vibe from her. When I hit on them, I get the "Sorry, I'm not available. But we can still be friends" line.I know they're available because I only pick girls I know that doesn't have a boyfriend. Yet I still get turned down. Sometimes I feel like I need to stop being Mr.NiceGuy and bring out the rebel side of me. Tell me, ladies. What exactly are you looking for in a guy? Don't tell me that you're looking for the guy that can treat you like a princess and is polite and all that. From what I read daily in these forums, it seems like most of the girls here have the exact opposite of that type of guy, yet they find it hard to leave him. But the nice guy? Yea they damn near trip over themselves to run away from that type. So, ladies. What exactly is your type?
View related questions:
ex girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 May 2012):
 I've enjoyed this blog's blunt assessment of 'nice guys.' http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
Since we seem to be sharing articles.
Maybe this may help you look through the lenses of a woman who is fed up with that one breed of 'nice guys.'
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): "Women don't become uninterested after they've been friends for awhile. Either they like you or they don't, simple as that."
I know that, what I said is guys who get friendzoned are the ones who spend ages trying to be a girls friend in the hopes that they fall in love. As I said it only happens to guys who don't make their moves at the beginning. Or for those sorry saps who think they can actually tough out unrequited love and actually be friends with that girl. That's the friendzone.
That's not a bad article either actually but I'm more than aware that it is worse for the girl in the sense she had no choice because if she didn't know.
I still disagree with you that it's an attack on women because for me it's not. But I have seen plenty of guys use it that way but mainly, rightly or wrongly, as a way of feeling less like a failure for getting it so wrong. Unfortunately for guys that don't take responsibility they never learn and stay bitter and angry.
But the friendzone is a concept and it's going to stick around because it's exceptionally relevant. I like her rant in that article but it would be nice if women told guys the solutions instead of just attacking how things that already exist. It's easy to play the victim but I have also known many girls to keep around guys they knew or know had very deep feelings for them because they were useful, did things or had money. Because for a guy that's what they think happened in the friendzone. They do all these amazing things, move heaven and earth and the girl doesn't fall in love? She "must" have been "using" him.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Women don't become uninterested after they've been friends for awhile. Either they like you or they don't, simple as that. If they actually like you that grow with friendship, not disappear.
This summarizes it well:
http://angels-and-angles.tumblr.com/post/16450786609/why-the-friendzone-is-bullshit-and-self-proclaimed
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy
Pretty good article there OP. It's simple really, nice guys are boring, predictable and have no charisma, and seem to have no confidence or assertive traits.
I disagree with person12345 on the gendered thing to make women feel bad. It happens and we all know why it happens, it's because the guy didn't have the balls or intelligence to make his move sooner, simple as that. She is correct in that it's not the woman's fault but it's definitely not a negative put down of woman if anything it more says the guy is too meek and a pushover. Try not take the stereotypes so literally OP, women don't want nice guys, they want interesting guys. Prince charming may be nice he sure as hell still fights dragons and pursues the princess vigorously. It's the same as that idea of having to last as long as possible in bed, that's another misnomer.
In your case you're not being friendzoned anyway dude, you're just being outright rejected and that happens man, it's no big deal. The let's just be friends thing doesn't mean she wants to be your friend she's just trying to let you down gently. Friend zone is when a guy spends ages lusting after girl but instead of doing anything about it he befriends her and hopes she'll eventually fall for him too. That's the friendzone.
"Yea they damn near trip over themselves to run away from that type."
Of course, what girl wants to get caught up with a passionless pushover?
Besides you don't know if that's the case.
Look it's rather simple, if women like interesting guys in any of the many ways specific women find interesting then what's interesting about you? Nice isn't interesting nice is just a given OP, women don't go weak at knees for 'nice' almost every guy seems nice at the start what gives you the edge over the 10 other nice guys she's been asked out by that week or knows she will be asked out. What is it about you that's going to interest them? What are your passions, what drives you, what makes you fun and exciting, hot etc.
Time to embrace your rebel side again OP but not completely, just take some of the badass, exciting, don't give a fuck back and mix it with the nice and respectful and you'll be successful.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 May 2012):
"Friend zone" just means they don't like you like that, it's a super gendered term basically as a way to vilify women for rejecting a guy. Being a nice guy doesn't entitle you to sex or a relationship. There are two kinds of nice guys. There are the self-proclaimed nice guys who act nice to get laid and then there are the ones who are actually nice. Women generally like (though maybe not in a romantic way) the former and run from the latter.
...............................
|
