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age
41-50,
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writes: I'm in my early thirties, I've never been in a serious relationship and once I get to know someone it never develops into anything and it's generally over within a month. I'm pretty but I don't dress to show my assets, don't sleep with guys for the first few months so I'm very serious like that... I'm flithy rich and have a cushy yet well-paid job very independant and most guys I think are intimidated by the fact that they have nothing to offer me. What they don't know, is that I'm really down-to-earth and in need of company and a partner, but my pride doesn't allow me to show this need... I'm bit of a commitment phobe but I guess I will be ready to settle down with the right chap, but I just can't seem to encourage chaps to make the first move and even if they did it really takes me time to consider them, so by the time I'm into them, they'd be fed up with chasing me and bored. Dunno what I can do to turn the situation arround?! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): you need to lose the pride, and lose those walls you have built up around yourself. The guys probably see you as being standoffish and uninterested in them, so that's why they lose interest in you.
If you want them to pursue you, you have to show that you're receptive to their attention. You have to give them some attention yourself, and you have to respond to the attention they give you. You can't expect to remain stoic and aloof the whole time and have guys relentlessly try to get your attention, no one will do that.
I think you're insecure about your filthy-richness. You think it is a turn off to guys so you have your defenses up to protect yourself from possible hurt. But it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy when you behave in ways that do put off guys as a result. Try to detach your financial status from yourself, and others will too.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You said:"once I get to know someone it never develops into anything and it's generally over within a month.""they have nothing to offer me.""I'm bit of a commitment phobe""I just can't seem to encourage chaps to make the first move and even if they did it really takes me time to consider them, so by the time I'm into them, they'd be fed up with chasing me and bored."So. Those are your issues, in black and white, in your own words. Not only do you not communicate with your partners, but you look down on them, ala "They have nothing to offer me." Plus, with your lack of ability to be vulnerable, emotionally intimate and exclusive, why WOULD a man want to date you? You know what your issues are. Stop being guarded. Stop expecting men to read your mind. Stop looking down on men. Communicate your wants and feelings, communicate your needs. Be honest, direct and frank. Allow yourself to love. You can only find love when you're ready
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 April 2012):
 "'m pretty but I don't dress to show my assets"
Men are visual. Choose clothing that flatter your body type and put a little more umpf in it. Wear something tighter, or accentuate one of your assets. Most men don't want to pursue someone that looks like their mother or some baggy-dressed hippy.
"What they don't know, is that I'm really down-to-earth"
Well, SHOW them! It's not very difficult to share that part of your personality. It's not like anyone is asking you to share personal secrets or private things.
"by the time I'm into them, they'd be fed up with chasing me and bored."
By the sounds of it, it seems that maybe you have not found a man that is truly interested in you. You state that your relationships end within a month. I don't think any man that is really interested din you will stop chasing you after a month unless you're incredibly rude, cold and dismissive. You have to throw the man a bone. Be a bit more flirty, be a bit more open about who you are. If they leave after a month even if you have done that, then maybe they just wanted sex and since they're not getting it, they're moving on.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 April 2012):
 I hear this being more of a commitment problem than a money problem. It sounds like you need to let your guard down more and be careful not to give off an icy vibe and also stop being so shy. Guys don't have to make the first move, you sometimes need to. Go after what you want.
You will never get anywhere in the dating world if you care about pride. You need to behave down to Earth with guys, you need to show a little vulnerability. I don't mean pander to their masculinity and pretend to be a girly girl in need of rescuing, you don't want a guy who's that insecure anyways. I mean just open up to them, be personal, that sort of thing. You want to be friendly and warm, seem reachable, not closed off.
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Hi
how about starting by letting them see that your down to earth,that your just as in need of affection as the next woman.Lose the pride a bit.
Men DO have something to offer you, it may not be material,which to some would be a relief, but emotional.Loosen up, have some fun, flirt, show your open to getting to know them.Dont be stand offish,cautious,throw caution to the wind.Forget your bank balance and just be you.
How do you spend your leisure time?
Where do you meet potential partners?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): How about hiding your financial situation in the beginning? Later on you can explain you wanted to make sure he liked you for who you are and not for your money. Or, even better, why don't you date a rich guy?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 I am filthy rich too but I am with a guy who has just enough to treat me once a week. What he has to offer is his heart. He says he doesn't care about a person's background as long as there is love. I think the guys you meet are not serious and when you don't show this need you attract guys who are not right for you. Find out how a relationship is more than companionship, that sounds more like a friend. What do you say to the guys when you meet them? How about making your dates a little more romantic? Otherwise you give them a vibe which is you are guarding your heart as if men are dangerous.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You mentioned that it's a `fact that they have nothing to offer' you. I think that is saying more about you than you realise. Since this is a fact, then you really need to keep looking to find someone that actually does have something to offer. Are you moving in the right circles?
While you have a potential suitor under your consideration and it seems like they are fed up and bored with chasing you, perhaps it has taken them that same amount of time to realise that you have a phobia for commitment in the first place. Why would they want to go any further?
Try to break down the wall that you have built around you. Let the guys know that you are down-to-earth. That is a very attractive quality. If you really want a guy for company, etc..., then you need to be and act interested and also be prepared for some level of commitment.
All the best finding your chap!
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