A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship and i love my boyfriend. Ever since i left, he has been going out to clubs, bars and parties. Even though it bothers me, I try to be okay with it because i cannot expect to have him stay at home until I return.Anyway, about a month ago he went to a bar and he clearly stated that he was just going with guys (i asked him), he told me i should trust him and blah blah. Today I saw a pictures on facebook from that night, it was him with a lot of girls. I asked him why he had lied to me and his answer was the same as every time I have caught him lying: "I didn't want you to get angry". Then he goes on to say a lot of stuff about how I get angry out of nowhere, how I am deteriorating the relationship by telling him that he sucks (I did tell him that, but isn't he deteriorating the relationship too by lying?). He has a way of always turning around things to a way were whatever I'm angry about, is my fault for 'not trusting him enough' or 'getting angry about stupid things'.I feel betrayed. He has lied to me before and I have also suspected that he has lied about other things but I never had any proof (eg. he went on a trip with his friends and on the second night, he texted me from his friend's phone and told me he had lost his phone and we didn't have any communication during his trip. A week later, the night before he got back, he called me and told him he had found the phone which honestly, sounded very suspicious to me but I decided to trust him). Every time he lies to me, I star thinking about all these times that have sounded suspicious to me and I start questioning everything. It tears me apart, I'm bitter.
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (5 May 2012):
You are too young to waste time and energy on this guy who is also too young to be committed to you.
You don't have to cut him out of your life completely but tell him you are going to start dating other people - and maybe when he stops playing games (like telling you it's a guys night at the bar and "losing" his phone) you'll consider being more serious with him again.
And then do it. Explore your options because he is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Thanks for the responses so far!
I'm not sure he wants to break up with me because he booked a flight to come see me in two weeks. I'm getting a lot of mixed signals from him, which sucks...
Yeah, even though the phone thing happened about eight months ago, it still sounds very dodgy to me. Plus, when I asked to see the pictures of his trip, he didn't let me, again, his excuse was that "I would get angry". What the hell does that mean?!
I forgot to mention on the question that he makes me feel like the worst person in the world for not trusting him (as far as i know, he has not cheated on me but lying comes hand in hand with cheating anyways), yet, everytime i tell him I'm going to the gym or if I don't respond during the day (because I fell asleep or whatever), he tells me that I'm cheating on him! Even though I don't even go out at night! The only time I have gone out at night was to the movies with a girl friend!
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A
female
reader, UnxpectedSmile +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Sweetie, This is going to sound harsh but, you should end the relationship. Everything you listed was exactly what I went through with my ex. To me it sounds like he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore so He is picking little fights with you so that you will either break up with him or he has a reason to end things with you. Some men do this because they dont want confrontation or to look like the bad guy. The bigesst red flag was the "lost cell phone". If i ever lost my cell phone i would be freaking out and I would CALL my boyfriend right away and tell him that. Not act chill and send him a text. Think about it no one is going to send a text.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 May 2012):
 If you call him out for lying to you and his response is to say "why don't you trust me" rather than to actually answer you, this is called a "red herring." When he can no longer explain himself, he throws something out that he knows you will have to go after out of defense, don't fall for it, meaning don't get defensive. Just tell him to stop changing the subject. If that makes him agitated, leave and don't let him get in another word blaming you.
It sounds to me like he's just untrustworthy in general. How can you be expected to trust someone who lies to you all the time and blames you for it? There's really no point in staying in a relationship like that.
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