A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my ex and I had a 4 year relationship that ended because he cheated on me. I cut off all communication after we broke up until he posted a long status on Facebook about our relationship, and how he made mistakes and his mistakes shouldn't be counted against him. Then his friends and women he was cheating with started mentioning me and telling lies and this made me angry enough to post a status telling him to stop talking about me (I know very immature). I regret feeding into it now because i think he was trying to get my attention. We went back and forth on Facebook and now he thinks we should "talk" about what happened in our relationship and why it happened.And last time we talked was over text message but I don't know if its a good idea? It might be painful to listen to why someone cheated on me, I do have unanswered questions and closure to this relationship would be nice but im afraid this will just turn into another argument. I mean I want him to understand why im so hurt but a part of me thinks that if he cheated on me he obviously doesn't care about my feelings so why express them to him? I don't want to come off as weak but still express myself. What do you think, is it a good idea to talk to an ex about infidelity issues after a breakup? If so what is the best way to approach the situation without arguing??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): no don't talk to him, just ignore him, block him from your facebook, block his phone number and email, and don't respond to any posts anyone writes about you. Act as if you are too busy with more important things than to read what other people are writing about you, let alone respond to them. Over time they will grow tired of talking about you and it will all blow over anyway. you do not need to get involved because you are broken up. simply cut him completely out of your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): "My ex wants to come clean about why he cheated on me,should I talk to him or let it go?"I wouldn't be surpried if by "coming clean" scumbag means he wants to explain why it was all YOUR fault and YOU drove him into the arms of another woman, but he's willing to forgive you and give you "one more chance."He cheated. That's all you need to know because that's all there is to know. There is NO acceptable reason, excuse, explanation, justification, rationalization for his behavior. "he cheated on me he obviously doesn't care about my feelings . . ." Exactly.". . . so why express them to him?"No point. He'll turn everything you say around and throw it back at you, and everything he says will be lies. You wasted four years on this jerk, don't let him drag you down any longer or any further.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (29 April 2012):
He is simply wanting to talk to you to get his own closure, the only person who will gain from this is him and he is the one who was cheating so why give him the chance to clear his conscience?It is also highly likely to turn into a "its wasn't my fault, you drove me to it" conversation because if he already believes his mistakes shouldn't be held against him then he simply wants to shift the blaming for his cheating actions. It was also very very wrong of him to air his dirty laundry on facebook publicly about your old relationship.Either completely ignore him or send him a message back saying "there is no reason to talk, you cheated and the relationship is over because of your actions, i accept that" and then never answer any of his texts, calls or posts ever again to show you are the bigger person. It will also make him realise that it was his actions that ended the relationship and that is the only way to see it. If you have questions about why it happened then I would reccomend you push them to one side, he is a cheat and a liier and chances are he will either say something to hurt you or he will lie anyway so you wont get the truth on this matter because when it comes to cheating the truth will always be stretched.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 April 2012):
 "...he posted a long status on Facebook about our relationship, and how he made mistakes and his mistakes shouldn't be counted against him."If he feels that he should not be held accountable for his actions, why would you want to listen to anything else? He already gave you a preview of why he is not to be blamed. Do you really want to listen to any more of unreasonable BS from someone who feels they're not responsible for their actions? Sounds like a pointless conversation to me.Why can't you cut the ties with him all together? By having a FB link and texing, you're still allowing him to have free access to you. The longer you keep in touch, the longer it will take you to get over this.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 April 2012):
 He wants to get rid of his own guilt, he doesn't care about you at all with this. Do not do it. It will make you feel worse and him feel better and I don't think you really want either of those, do you? Block him and tell him to bugger off. If he feels guilty, let him stew in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Why did he not talk to you about your relationship before he cheated? Will he try to tell you that you did something wrong so he cheated eg lack of sex?
When I caught my ex cheating he said it was because I was distant that week (I was having investigation for cancer). So I left because he should have left me and then met someone else or he could have told me that he left pushed out, there is no excuse for cheating.
My friend recently told me that her sister-in-law told her brother that she no longer loved him and left him. She has a lot of respect for her and is still friend with her, but her other brother's wife was caught cheating, she has no respect for her and does not talk to her, she should have talked to her husband as the first sister-in-law did and left and did whatever she wanted.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Is it REALLY going to make you feel better to know why he cheated on you?
The relationship ended because he cheated. There really isnt anything he can add to change that fact.
I advocate blocking him on facebook so that you cant be dragged into any more of his crap and do your best to move on.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (29 April 2012):
I understand that you might have unanswered questions and will want closure, but could he honestly say anything that will make his cheating justifiable? Are their reasons for cheating, or just excuses? Rather than give you the closure you seek, his excuses are probably more likely to make you more angry and bring the pain you felt back to the surface again. If you’re not looking to start a relationship with him again, you’re probably best off leaving it, deleting him from Facebook and not sending him messages. Hearing his justification is unlikely to help you move on, agreeing to go your separate ways is a much better idea and letting the past remain the past. If you are thinking of starting a relationship again, instead of justifying past mistakes, you should be talking about how things will be different in the future. And do it the old-fashioned way: meet up or phone each other, texting and instant chat are no substitute for a conversation as important as this.
I wish you all the very best.
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