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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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How long should I wait before telling friend of my feelings?
Q. Okay. i really really like this guy im friends with. since December these feelings have intensified and are getting stronger. Well in January he got back with his ex gf. they had dated b4 for about 6 months and broke up November last year. so then ...
A. 18 June 2012: It's possible to have a very close platonic relationship and it's gotten to that point for him where it's gone way beyond ever being able to have romantic feelings for you.
One of my best friends is a girl I've known for about 7 years and neither ... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before telling friend of my feelings?
Q. Okay. i really really like this guy im friends with. since December these feelings have intensified and are getting stronger. Well in January he got back with his ex gf. they had dated b4 for about 6 months and broke up November last year. so then ...
A. 7 June 2012: Maybe over time, because you will be hurt if he doesn't feel the same, so don't rush anything in regards to staying friends, if you need time away from him afterwards, then take it.
Good luck... (read in full...)
FWB relationship I care about him a lot and don't want to end things but it's frustrating not knowing "what we are."
Q. I met a guy at a bar last September, gave him my number, and the next day he sent me a text. It had been a fairly drunken night for me, and I couldn't really remember him, but he wanted me to come over and hook up, so I went for it. Pretty soon it ...
A. 4 June 2012: To be honest, I've been in the exact situation, but I was the one wanting more rather than the girl I was in the FWB with, so I know how it feels and how deceiving it can seem that it's going somewhere serious.
And no problem, that's what I'm here... (read in full...)
FWB relationship I care about him a lot and don't want to end things but it's frustrating not knowing "what we are."
Q. I met a guy at a bar last September, gave him my number, and the next day he sent me a text. It had been a fairly drunken night for me, and I couldn't really remember him, but he wanted me to come over and hook up, so I went for it. Pretty soon it ...
A. 4 June 2012: Well as long as you're not putting all your eggs into this basket because IMO it doesn't sound promising.
I mean, if you start FWB and you both genuinely wanted to advance into a relationship, it'd be done as soon as possible and it wouldn't... (read in full...)
FWB relationship I care about him a lot and don't want to end things but it's frustrating not knowing "what we are."
Q. I met a guy at a bar last September, gave him my number, and the next day he sent me a text. It had been a fairly drunken night for me, and I couldn't really remember him, but he wanted me to come over and hook up, so I went for it. Pretty soon it ...
A. 3 June 2012: So he will continue to have sex with 'only you' but not make it official? I'm sorry but I don't buy that at all, he's getting easy sex and I'm 99% sure he's not going to have stopped seeing this other woman as well.
If he is 'sexually exclusiv... (read in full...)
Would a FWB work for me? I only miss the physical part of a relationship
Q. Right everyone seems to think I'm scared of being alone because I've had two serious relationships by the time in 17, but the thing is I love being single But when I am single I miss having someone to hug kiss and have sex with so do you think if ...
A. 3 June 2012: It's hard to say because in the majority of cases, someone is going to end up getting hurt in a FWB, because sex changed things and feelings start to grow.
And no, it doesn't make you a bad person, people have needs, but at the same time, having t... (read in full...)
Girlfriend of a year just isn't putting anything into the relationship anymore
Q. hey, ive been going out with my girlfreind for just over a year and she no longer putting the effort it to the relationship. we dont talk anymore when i try to talk to her she just ignores me or wont engage in conversation, ive tried to tell he...
A. 3 June 2012: Sounds like she probably wants to end things but doesn't have the balls to tell you and could be doing this as a way of coaxing you into doing it for her.... (read in full...)
The Friend with benefits that won't go away
Q. So I have a guy friend that I have known for about 3 years. For the first 2 years we were basically best friends. Spent several hours out of the day with each other, talked on the phone every free minute we had, and eventually became sexually ...
A. 2 June 2012: First things first, you shouldn't be having sex in the age 13-15 category, it's against the law. Secondly, you're wayyyyyyyyy too young for a FWB arrangement, that kinda thing is for legal adults who have strictly NO FEELINGS for one another besi... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like it when your significant other makes noises in bed?
Q. I guess this is a question mostly for men, but female input would be appreciated too, especially what your partners think. Basically - guys, do you like it when your significant other makes noises in bed? I'm not talking porn star scale, but when...
A. 29 May 2012: Yes, it's a big turn on.... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 28 May 2012: Right person = Someone who is special or means something to you.... (read in full...)
How do I introduce myself?
Q. This guy in my grade goes to my school and he has no idea who I am, but I have a crush on him regardless and I really wanna meet him but I don't know how to casually "bump" into him and introduce myself without seeming like a weirdo! Help!! :$...
A. 28 May 2012: Is he in any of your classes?
What's wrong with just going over and saying hello? Maybe if you see him alone playing on his phone or reading a book or something, you could make small talk over it.
It'd be a good way to show that you're into... (read in full...)
Is it a positive sign if he "likes" or comments on my facebook?
Q. A guy I like quite often 'likes' what I write on Facebook and is really friendly when we see one another. However sometimes he goes days ignoring me on there. Today I posted a photo which was a head and shoulders shot and maybe a little (but not ...
A. 28 May 2012: 'PrettyandProud' sums it up perfectly.... (read in full...)
We tried having sex, couldn't do it and now he's being really weird and blunt with me
Q. I am 16 and have really liked a guy for 7 months now and I got the feeling he liked me too (we're both quite shy so nothings happened) but last night he invited me round his for the first time and we were having a really nice time and got on really ...
A. 28 May 2012: I'm assuming from the description that you two aren't in a relationship? And this is the first time you've met this guy? And you were going to have sex? You need to be careful or you'll build up a bad rep for yourself with that attitude.
Regar... (read in full...)
Girlfriend "moved on" while I was deployed, what happens now?
Q. I was dating my ex for close to a year before I was deployed in October. My deployment was originally scheduled to last for 6 months, but was extended twice so now I'm scheduled to return from my deployment in about a month (9 months). The majority ...
A. 28 May 2012: I do think there's a high chance that she would try to work things out when you're back. Like your psychologist said, she made the decision whilst you weren't there, not because of things you were doing whilst you were there, so it's not like you ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain her behaviour to me?
Q. Can anyone give me some advice in regards to this girls behavior at the club last night? Okay , so I was with my friends last night at a club and I usually don't go to clubs but since it was my friends birthday I told myself I would make a ...
A. 27 May 2012: How do you know you don't have a chance? Has she directly told you that? or do you 'think' that?... (read in full...)
Is our relationship a chore to him?
Q. Hello, im a little confused about my feelings for my boyfriend, we've been together for a year and a half, I absolutely adore him, and I know he feels the same. But sometimes I get the feeling our relationship is a chore to him. We're only 17,...
A. 27 May 2012: I'm not saying he needs to change as a person, he needs to change his attitude towards you and like you said, make more of an effort.
And no, of course that's not unreasonable, you're wanting your BF to start acting like he's interested in the r... (read in full...)
Boyfriend asked me to stop the handjob I was giving him, because he didnt want to ejaculate and make a mess!
Q. We were making out on his bed and it was intense ....he fingered me..he always cares a lot about my pleasure and makes sure to please me...and so far i never did anything for him...he'd say he just loves seeing me happy because it makes him happ...
A. 27 May 2012: If it lasts too long it can get very sensitive and painful, that doesn't necessarily mean you're doing a bad job, it just means it's gone on too long.
And yes, it can make a bit of a mess, so maybe he was being genuine, who knows besides him?... (read in full...)
Is our relationship a chore to him?
Q. Hello, im a little confused about my feelings for my boyfriend, we've been together for a year and a half, I absolutely adore him, and I know he feels the same. But sometimes I get the feeling our relationship is a chore to him. We're only 17,...
A. 27 May 2012: First things first, have you told him how you feel? 99.9% of problems can solved with communication.
If you have and he's still not changing, then there's nothing more than you can do unfortunately, time to find someone who has the same interest... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is a super model while I'm fat and ugly!
Q. my boyfriend's ex is a super model. she is drop dead gorgeous with a perfect body. they broke some 2.5 years ago due to some misunderstandings. they really loved each other, ive seen their letters in his bag once. my boyfriend and i have been ...
A. 27 May 2012: If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. If he can attract supermodels, but chooses you, doesn't that show you how much he loves you??
You are going to push him away and destroy your own relationship if you carry on down this road, yo... (read in full...)
Can someone explain her behaviour to me?
Q. Can anyone give me some advice in regards to this girls behavior at the club last night? Okay , so I was with my friends last night at a club and I usually don't go to clubs but since it was my friends birthday I told myself I would make a ...
A. 27 May 2012: I'm not sure you should of got that worked up over it, you were out for your friends birthday, if she didn't want to say hi, then so what, enjoy your night with your friends and know that you don't need to call her friend.... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 27 May 2012: Well if they're telling you that you're not good enough, then they're obviously not the right person for you anyway, the more you think about it, the more it's gonna get you down and piss you off.
Just go with the flow, it's going to happen, ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend brings my confidence down!
Q. My x bf and I still talk after 2 years of being broken up. Well recently I found out he got his 15 year old fiance pregnant when he's 19 and in the Army! So I decided to ask him about it because I saw pictures/status's from his friends and family on ...
A. 27 May 2012: The real question is, why are you still speaking to him if all he does is insult you?... (read in full...)
If a girl gives you her number but doesn't reply to a message does that mean she's not interested?
Q. Hi I have a question for the ladies. Say a guy has met a girl and they exchange numbers. She knows that he intends to ask her out at some point but he hasn't done so yet. They exchange messages and she hasn't replied to one anymore. Does th...
A. 26 May 2012: In a word, yes.
A girl who was interested wouldn't be able to wait for your text and the conversation would be flowing easily back and forth.... (read in full...)
How long should I wait before telling friend of my feelings?
Q. Okay. i really really like this guy im friends with. since December these feelings have intensified and are getting stronger. Well in January he got back with his ex gf. they had dated b4 for about 6 months and broke up November last year. so then ...
A. 26 May 2012: This is a hard one, as right now he needs to friend to be there for him, but if you leave it too long, he might see you as too good a friend, or like a sister, which is worst case scenario for you. But if you tell him too soon, and he's not over her ... (read in full...)
Complicated crush on a soldier
Q. I am 17 and I like my friend who is 21. He's in afghanistan right now and we've always kept contact sinc he's been in the service. I told him before he left that I was interested in him, but he said he wanted me to be 18 before we started to flirt ...
A. 26 May 2012: Well he sounds like a true gent by waiting until you're 18 before he wants to move things forward (I'm assuming that's the legal age of consent in your state). So that's a good sign right off the bat, I don't see why this is complicated though? ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get it right the first time?
Q. I am seventeen and a few months into my first real relationship. Everything about it seems more perfect than even the most sticky-sweet fairy tale could possibly imagine but it terrifies me to think of it being really serious because it seems ...
A. 26 May 2012: Yes, of course it is. You're going to meet someone that you will one day marry, why couldn't it be your first boyfriend?... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 26 May 2012: There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, it's just that certain members of society decide to poke fun at people for not having sex, which is a sad state of affairs, but it happens. I'm 20 now and lost mine around this time last year, I wasn't ... (read in full...)
I am feeling guilty over my friend with benefits!
Q. Hi I just need some advice on this please have I been unfair in this situation I was in a fwb for 14 months which I wasn't happy with as I was left feeling so used all the time then I found out by three people that knew him that he was married he ...
A. 26 May 2012: No? Why should you? HE WAS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE and using you for sex, what do YOU have to feel guilty about?... (read in full...)
I told my husband I want to end the marriage and now he's acting all pitiful
Q. After being married for 12 years I've told my husband I can take it no more and I want out. He's been cheating which I found out and even after that I've put up for 3 years. We have 2 kids and I have been telling him since a year that I am not happy ...
A. 26 May 2012: Yes, he's trying to manipulate you, if you've set your mind on leaving, stick to your guns and kick him out, or find another place you can stay yourself.
Good luck... (read in full...)
Drunk, hooker and emails to exes (
Q. Hi, I've engaged for 3 years, planning to married soon around this year. We have up and down relationship, as we have different culture (I'm Asian/Indonesian and he's an Australian), but so far, we're trying to get it through. 2days ago, i call...
A. 26 May 2012: Well if a woman has answered his hotel phone and you can hear him in the background, they're either in bed together or at the very least in the same room and I'm taking a wild guess that they wouldn't of been playing scrabble the night before.
... (read in full...)
Should I leave my g/f for my friend?
Q. Im a 16 year old male and i been with my Girl friend for 8 months,but i have sum what feelings for my bestfriend, should i leave my girlfriend or stay?...
A. 26 May 2012: Seems like you already know the answer or you wouldn't be asking this question. If you and your current GF were meant to be, there wouldn't be another girl in the equation.
As aunt honesty said, break up with your GF and let he find someone ... (read in full...)
Is my friend sleeping with my dad?
Q. well last year my 2 friends stayed when my step mum and bro's went away and left me and my dad. my dad and her (my friend) have been flirting she will constantly have her boobs out in front (once in knickers and bra...looked like 4 attention) of him ...
A. 25 May 2012: Yeah, if I were you I'd tell your mum then, I hate hearing of things like this, it's pretty disgusting tbh. You could try to coax it out of him, just say something along the lines that your friend 'Jade' has admitted to it.
Would it be possible... (read in full...)
Performance anxiety, serious problem or me?
Q. Hello, I'm getting worried now as me and my boyfriend has been together for a year and a half now and he has always struggled performing in the bedroom but we did manage it sometimes and when he did, we made the most of it. But recently it's got ...
A. 25 May 2012: He will be embarrassed about it so that's why he will be short with you.
You will just have to try and ease him into intimacy, try and relax him as much as possible and if it happens, try not to make a big deal over it, because he will feel bad... (read in full...)
Is my friend sleeping with my dad?
Q. well last year my 2 friends stayed when my step mum and bro's went away and left me and my dad. my dad and her (my friend) have been flirting she will constantly have her boobs out in front (once in knickers and bra...looked like 4 attention) of him ...
A. 25 May 2012: Sorry that was a little hard to read, I know he's your dad but he sounds like an absolute creep.
I think you already know the answer of where he's going, I think it's best that you tell your step mum of everything that you know, or you could ev... (read in full...)
I like another guy but I'm engaged, do I stay or go?
Q. I've been in a relationship for over 5 years but it has been a rocky one most of the way. The first two years were good, we moved in together, he was good with my son and our relationship just seemed easy. There was little fighting or conflict. ...
A. 25 May 2012: If you truly loved your BF, there wouldn't be an 'other guy'. You need to be up front with him and explain the reason that you don't want to marry him and then decide what to do from there.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
A hook up from 3 years ago suddenly wants to see me. He just broke up with his girlfriend. Am I rebound?
Q. About three years ago (summer 2009), I hooked up with this guy who I thought could be more than just a friend (and it was a mutual feeling). We tried to make things work between us (sexy/ flirtatious texts), and logistically it never did/could ever ...
A. 25 May 2012: Yes, of course it's a rebound. He won't magically have developed feelings for you after not contacting you for 2 years.
Sounds like he wants to use you.... (read in full...)
How can I get him to stop contacting me?
Q. About two years ago I was in an abusive relationship. It ended badly, he ended up cheating on me and having sex with another woman. Eventually I snapped out of it and understood that there wasn't anything more here for me and got out of it. He n...
A. 25 May 2012: If your phone is the only way that he can contact you, then call your network provider and get his number blocked, what he is doing is harrassment. You've told him you don't want to be contacted but he persists.
If you're really serious about it... (read in full...)
Why is it all about him with sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 months.. I know its not very long, but we are already living together. He's such a great caring and affectionate guy in all areas except for when it comes to being intimate. In the beginning I had ...
A. 25 May 2012: You can find someone who is more sexually compatible...... (read in full...)
What do I do about this man's sudden interest?
Q. I am in the middle of a business venture, and I'm 16. While meeting with investors and some other people on a project, I met a man, married, who lives near me and wants to meet at some point. We talked briefly and he ended up driving me home. I ...
A. 24 May 2012: Yeah, keep it strictly business, as you're in the US and only 16 this would make any intimacy illegal anyways (I think?).
He's also married, so don't go there.... (read in full...)
Does he want to date me or just have sex?
Q. i am a lady and i am 28 years, i have a male friend that iam going out with. were are in to this relationship just 3weeks now and he is asking me of sex and he said he want me too be his wife but i dont known what too do, should i go on with him...
A. 23 May 2012: If he's telling you that he wants to marry you, I don't think it sounds like he's just in it for sex. If you want to find out for sure, make him wait for it, just date him for about 2-3 months or as long as you feel like until you think he's being ... (read in full...)
Should I have some fun with this guy or wait and see if my ex comes back?
Q. so i have a question, i'm not a very good looking person, put frankly, i have never and don't ever get much male attention at all, the only male attention i recieve is off fat and ugly guys(i know that sounds bad, looks shouldn't matter, but if it's ...
A. 23 May 2012: I thought your ex wasn't very nice to you? So why would you be considering getting back with him???
If you want casual sex, then go for it, but be warned that it may become awkward between your friendship and even become a talking point of the g... (read in full...)
How do I get him to give me more sex?
Q. I'm 33, my boyfriend is 31 and we've been together about 10 months. We only see each other on the weekend because we live an hour away from each other. He usually comes and stays at my place Friday night thru Sunday. Pretty much since the beginning ...
A. 21 May 2012: I don't really think there's any other way of getting the message across other than saying 'Id like to have sex more'.
Simple as that, if you're not sexually compatible, then there's gonna be problems...... (read in full...)
He said I stink down there and it's probably the food I eat!
Q. Hey friends, me and my guy were out today evening and we were talking about having sex 2mrw at his place. He asked me if he should full shave? i said its your wish but just wash your men hair down there, so it smells good. He suddenly said that i ...
A. 20 May 2012: I don't think that's really the kind of thing for him to joke about as that's going to be something that a girl's going to be very conscious of and take huge offence from it.
It's not like he said it in a sensitive way even if he was 'joking'... (read in full...)
Why do I keep going back to my B/f even though he treats me like dirt?
Q. Dear Cupid my bf of 2 years is emotionally abusing me, always ignoring me, treats me like shit, never apologize and always finding one reason to another to stop spending time with me. Its been very long since we even talked for more than 5 mts....
A. 16 May 2012: Because he is manipulative and has probably destroyed your confidence which means you don't have the strength to leave him.
You need to break up and delete ALL of his contact details so you can't message him even if you wanted to.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Need help! Really need to get the liar back for what he did.
Q. So basically it's been a long night, my boyfriend well now ex has decided to tell me that he cheated on me, obviously it has really hurt, but I need a way to get him back. I know I shouldn't sink down to his level but I'm going to do it anyway, he ...
A. 15 May 2012: The best thing you can do in this situation is move on without giving it two thoughts, that what will hurt him the most, showing him that you DON'T NEED HIM in your life and you can function fine without him.
By 'evening the score' you're just as ... (read in full...)
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