A
female
age
41-50,
*ia yuliana
writes:Hi,I've engaged for 3 years, planning to married soon around this year. We have up and down relationship, as we have different culture (I'm Asian/Indonesian and he's an Australian), but so far, we're trying to get it through.2days ago, i called his hotel (he was in Singapore during his work) in the morning, and a woman pick it up. In short, he was drunk night before and pick up a girl (hooker??) bring it to his hotel. I make call twice. 1st call i can hear him mumbling on the background, didnt spoke with him. 2nd call (5-10min latter, decide I need to spoke with him so he cant denied) she answer phone again and ask to wake him up, and finally i spoke with him (hangover pretty bad). Talking bout his work than mention this girl. (Of course) he said, "I dont know what you talking about".Few hours latter he called me and ask whats wrong with me this morning, why I'm carry on. Honestly i just dont really want to arguing on the phone (plus i still shock) so i said nothing.Afternoon he called me again, and that's when i can bring this up. I said (He have problems with his office now), I dont care if he'll drunk and slept for a week or months-I can understand his situation. But not with bring hooker, "You way cross the line" (have to told him 3times). He's apologize at last and said cant remember what happen that night.1) Should I forgive him? Since (I've read some stories), mention about can i deal with my curiosity everytime he away, if he will do that again, etc.2) I've also ever found out, he ever email a girl (he knew before meet me, here in Bali. According to him, they never have relationship, but they're quite close) and wrote how he miss her, etc etc. Bring that up to him, he said cant remember, "what email?"Than recently (+-1 month before this hotel incidents), he also sent some emails to his other ex, calling her baby (i thought that only for me), said how he miss her warm and beautiful cuddle.. When I bring this up, he said it just to support her, since she was sick (which is not making any sense to me). But, i make my self an idiot and we're together again.3) Is this his habit? Is this hooker incidents only happen this time (accidentally??) ? Did he (honest) never saw his ex again? Do you think this will happen again (but maybe he get smarter, tell to girl dont pick up phone at his hotel room)?I still dont know what to do. He's a lovable man. Half my heart say i love him, half of them say leave him. I just dont understand he do this right when we planning our wedding???? Really??Appreciate if there's a man who answer this too, so maybe i can get answered from both sides (man and ladies).Thanks before for all answers :).
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drunk, engaged, escort, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 I would also find it annoying if somebody kept talking about how much money it cost them to keep me.
He thinks he has you locked in, because in Bali no pension, no government money to help you, everybody must work very, very hard just to keep a roof and a full tummy.
Of course he remembers, he just wants you to accept his lies. You need to decide if you want to keep living with him in Bali or not, you need to decide if you beleive he is going to marry you or not, and you need to decide if you are okay with him getting drunk and having prostitutes.
A
female
reader, lia yuliana +, writes (29 May 2012):
lia yuliana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all, thank you for all answer.
He keep saying dont remember what happen.
Already told him, hard for me to trust him, and i dont think relationship will be difficult if you dont trust your partner anymore.
What do you think about a man who keep bringing up how much he already spend for me? (I never ask it).
It's a little bit annoying. I mean, if he doesnt want to do it, than dont bother. Why will you give someone, but that you will talking about it on the future?
My feeling is flat with him now. Cant even get close to him.
I just dont know how to live him, since he will bring up money.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (27 May 2012):
Being engaged to a man who will get drunk and then pay for sex with prostitutes is not good for you. I have to say I think this man is lying to you and using you.
Where were you going to live after you married, has he looked into the legalities of marrying somebody from Indonesia and then trying to get them permission to live in Australia, it is a very long and arduous task, and will take a few years for you to get permission. I know this because I have friends from Bali who have married Australians.
I dont think he intends to marry you, I think he has the smooth tongue and tells you what he thinks will hold you close to him.
Only you can decide what is best to do here, for you, I wish he was a decent man wanting to do the best for you, but he is not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Honestly I couldn't forgive this betrayal and the lies he tossed out to try and cover his ass.
Do you really think a ring on your finger will stop him from getting drunk and screwing other women? He can't even own up to hid own actions.
Seems to me he lies a lot an THAT is habit. The more he "gets away" with lying the more he will lie.
To be truthful I would end the engagement and either dump him or make him WORK HARD to earn your trust and respect back. Though I would be more inclined to walk away now, as it is a LOT less complicated then once you have gotten married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): If its true then he's making a fool of you dear, and not taking your engagement seriously in the least. And cheating is wrong period (with anyone), but to do it with a hooker (perhaps?) just goes to show how little respect he has for himself so you can't expect him to ever respect a woman (you). Sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): Sorry to hear this. He sounds like he does this all the time, you just haven't noticed. This type of guys go with a lot of women, and they lie to each of them. So some women find out that their man is doing this and they cut it off and tuff it out or they stay and ignore it. You have to choose what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I'm sorry but your man is just not a faithful guy. He doesn't care about you that much. He cares so little about you and your feelings that when he knows another woman answered the phone and you know, he still lies to your face. It's possible it's a one time thing, but it's more likely that he cheats frequently when he goes out of town. It's up to you whether to stay with him, but this guy is most likely going to continue to cheat on you, lie to you, and hurt you if you stay.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 You know the truth of the situation. You want to deny it and you're hoping against hope that we'll tell you something that will justify keeping him and not shatter your palace of dreams. But I'm sorry. He's cheated on you and will carry on doing so. He doesn't appear to have any remorse and he seems fine with lying and pretending to forget. This will not suddenly end after you're married. Besides, a man who sleeps with prostitutes is dangerous. You never know what diseases he could catch and transmit to you. My advice would be to call off the wedding and make a clean break with him. You don't want to be married to a lying cheater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): Even if you forgive him I would call off the engagement until he can earn your trust. Personally I couldn't forgive another woman answering his hotel phone. That to me is an obvious cheat and if he's travelling regularly for his job then the opportunity to cheat will still be there.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Well if a woman has answered his hotel phone and you can hear him in the background, they're either in bed together or at the very least in the same room and I'm taking a wild guess that they wouldn't of been playing scrabble the night before.
I think deep down you know the answer that he looks like a cheater, you've seen him emailing other women twice, which he's lied about both times, you've caught him with another woman in a hotel room, does that sound like the behaviour of a faithful man?
It's not for us to decide whether you forgive him, that's your choice to make, it sounds like you want to, because it's like you're making excuses a little, IMO, no I don't think you should forgive him, as to me, he has the sound of a cheater and it'll just be a lot more upsetting once you're married if he carries on this behaviour.
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