A
female
age
41-50,
*oses101
writes:I've been in a relationship for over 5 years but it has been a rocky one most of the way. The first two years were good, we moved in together, he was good with my son and our relationship just seemed easy. There was little fighting or conflict. We bought a house together a couple years ago and it seems to have gone downhill since. I remember he was away most of the first month in the house and something seemed to change with how I felt. He has always worked on the road - he could be gone a couple days or a month, it varied. Since I had lived alone with my son for 7 years that never really bothered me. I found we started to grow apart the more he was gone. I stopped caring if he was home or not, I just carried on with my own stuff. A couple years ago I started getting closer to another guy that I worked with. I had always had a huge attraction to him but I'm not much of a flirt so I just admired from afar. Eventually we started a friendship, talking on the phone to eachother during the work day, flirting when he was in the office and occasionally meeting for coffee. I never thought it would go any where but one day he kissed me and I didn't stop it. Now it's been a couple years and I'm still thinking about this guy constantly, I consider him to be one of my closest friends (which unfortunately no one knows about). We still flirt and talk all the time. Since all this started I have gotten engaged to my boyfriend but something doesn't feel right (I'm assuming its this constant thinking of this other guy). I have recently voiced to my fiance that I don't think I can go through with the wedding and I'm having doubts about our relationship, but he doesn't know about this other guy. He thinks I just need to get over my fear and go through with it.What I need to clarify is where do I go from here? How do I decide if my fiance is the best thing for me or is it just not right if someone else is getting my attention? Do I approach this other guy and ask what his deal is? My fiance is a great guy and treats me like gold but I don't have any spark with him and very little attraction. I try and recall our good times together but I can't seem to get it back. Where do I go from here?
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male
reader, mwarren  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 You need time to straighten out your head and heart. You can not go thru with a wedding if you are thinkig of another guy. You will be going into a doomed marrige
Put the engagement on hold and tell your BF you need time to straighten out your head and heart
You said it doesnt feel right...Well if it doesnt feel right .IT ISNT
If you truly loved your fiancee you wouldnt be flirting and having thoughst of someone else
Give it time and you will know in your heart when it is right to make a move...It may be time to move on from you BF or at least take a long break apart to see where your head and heart is
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I'm with N91.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 If you truly loved your BF, there wouldn't be an 'other guy'. You need to be up front with him and explain the reason that you don't want to marry him and then decide what to do from there.
Good luck.
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