A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone give me some advice in regards to this girls behavior at the club last night? Okay , so I was with my friends last night at a club and I usually don't go to clubs but since it was my friends birthday I told myself I would make a exception. We were lucky enough to get a table because they are usually packed but we got one, well from our table I could see this girl I had in one of my college classes last semester sitting at her table. Well I noticed that she kept looking over at me but I just left it at that because if I went to get up and say hi I would have lost my seat. Anyway later on she comes up from around the bar and says hi to two guys with me at the table but completely ignores me and doesn't even say hi. TO make things worse she looks behind me as she is talking to them, as if looking for someone which I know was bogus. I felt like complete shit after that because we had become good friends during the semester but I guess it was only for the semester. I was so angry that I just left and I don't know if to confront this girl about her immaturity. Why would someone act like this and what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 We've been telling you quite bluntly what you did wrong. You can either accept it or don't, battle social norm... or go with it. Social conduct says the man should greet the woman first. Not all live by this, but yes, most women will see it as rude if you don't greet her, and most women will wait for the man to greet first before they greet him. Now you can say you didn't do anything "wrong", but in that case neither did she. You ignored her, she ignored you. Fair play.
Look, the easiest way to live in this world and make others around you happy is by cutting down on rigid ideas of "wrong and right". She thought what you did was wrong, so do many of the other women you've now heard from. Either continue to have women getting annoyed with you and ignore you, or adjust your behaviour to be a little more round in the edges and go with the program: greet the woman first next time and avoid this situation!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked to her today and everything is okay. The incident did not come up and I owe her a dance for the next time I go out. I guess I did over react but I hate it when I don't do anything wrong and get put in awkward positions.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (28 May 2012):
 whether or not you like this girl, you need to realise that you are male, and when dealing with females you do like you need to be the initiator in relationships because no matter how feminist and liberal people get the cold hard truth is, girls like to be persued and guys like the thrill of the chase and everybody just finds it sexier that way.... Generally
I know this might sound mean, but if I don't say it, no one will... Grow a pair, will you?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 May 2012):
Don't be so worried about looking stupid. Taking a stance isn't stupid. It just shows you've got confidence. This episode shows you do not have confidence, unfortunately. You're too scared of looking stupid, too worried about how you "look" in front of others, to do what you really want to (and should) do.
Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing how it goes if you ask her out. But you need to ask her today, you should have asked yesterday, today is last chance. Or else she'll forget about it, and you wont get a yes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): You want us to explain this girls behaviour, well then, listen up: we are girls, and this is how we see it:
Your reason for being at the club does not matter. Whether it's usual or not also does not matter.
What matters? You saw a girl who YOU say you had become good friends with during a semester, so WHY OH WHY didn't you just WAVE, SMILE, OR SAY HI with your lips from across the room? You NOTICED she kept looking over at you, but oh my goodness, YOU could not say hi because you would lose your seat. Well, then that is why nothing further happened. You chose that as priority - your seat, your reason for being there, etc. so why get so hot and bothered when she ignored you later? You ignored her first. She was prepared to lose her seat! She came over to your table to say hi. Again, you could have just avoided all of this by saying HI, hey I know you from class, sorry I haven't come over but it's my friend's birthday and I didn't want to lose a seat here, but how are you? problem avoided and sorted in future. Instead, when SHE had to make the moves, by then she wanted to teach you a lesson. It worked judging by how irrate you now feel, and how immature you feel she is.
You wanted it explained, there you have it.
Don't confront her about her immaturity - it will only get worse and you will have an enemy, not a friend. You got so angry over her ignoring you. Well, she was slighted by your ignoring her when she kept looking over.
Next time you see her - start off with an apology that when you first had eye contact you didn't come across to say Hi and catch up because it was your friend's birthday party and you didn't want to lose your seat. Then let her say her bit too. If you start of confronting her... well, bye bye friendly girl from the semester.
Just a girl's opinion - use it, don't use it, your choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was gonna tell her hi when she came to my table but she gave me the cold shoulder. I would have looked stupid because it would have told everyone she didnt notice me and made it look like im not worth her time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 May 2012):
Why didn't you greet her then if you usually give each other a nod? It's one thing that you didn't go over to say hi, but you don't say if you even gave her a nod. In either case, next time attack the bull by it's horns. This means that you should have just said "hi" to her the moment she came over, and continued with a "Sorry I didn't say hi to you earlier, I didn't want to lose my spot by the table". I mean sure, she could have said hi to you first, but she didn't, and then you didn't, and this situation looks the exact same from her point of view as from yours.
"I went to a bar last night and spotted a friend of mine. I know he saw me, yet he didn't say hi or gave me a nod or anything. I was with friends, and didn't want to leave my group to say hi to him, especially since it looked like he was ignoring me as well. I eventually left the table I was at to get a drink, and decided to stop by his table, greet his friends and ignore him in return."
Was it nice? No. But you could have easily shot this down by smiling and saying HIIII when she came over, excuse that you didn't greet her earlier and ask her how she is. That would have swept the rug away from under her feet. And, 90% of the time, these situations are based on stupid misunderstandings founded in a lack of communication and a ton of assumptions.
On the positive side though: she obviously cares a lot about you since she bothered to make a point out of it all. You've got a good shot with her. So let me share something with you: She's at a point now where you can smooth talk to her, because when a woman is angry/upset her emotions are out in the open, meaning her other feelings are just beneath the surface as well (such as her taking a liking to you). A smart move would be to call her today, or send her a text. Tell her you're sorry for not saying hi to her yesterday, explain why you didn't, and then ask if she'd like to meet up for a cup of coffee. Either the very same day, or the following day (this is a winner-move, it works every time a woman is weak for you). You want to do this as quickly as possible, before she forgets about the episode and how upset she was about it all. You want to tap into those emotions. Her getting upset = she's got feelings for you. Just NEVER imply this. Keep it to yourself.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 How do you know you don't have a chance? Has she directly told you that? or do you 'think' that?
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A
female
reader, agneeman +, writes (27 May 2012):
honestly? You didn't even wave at her when she looked at you and smiled? You're the one who ignored her Mr "too busy& important to get out of my seat and greet you" she thought you were playing it cool, so she did the same.
If you like her, just ask her out, I think she feels the same. But before you do, man up learn to give up your seat for a lady...even if its just that you "might" lose it.
PS : puleeease explain to me why guys expect us to extend them courtesies they're not willing to extend to us? Why do they take it for granted that we "owe" it to them?
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 To be honest, both of you treated this scenario immaturely. Why didn't you say hi to her the moment she came up to your table? I mean, that was a very clear indication that she is craving for your attention. As a girl, she expected you to say hi to her, you being the guy. That's the classic move girls expect from guys. Also, since you've become friends from the last semester, it's just impossible that she doesn't know you anymore. Both of you cannot just pretend that you don't know each other. and now, since it happened, you have only made it awkward for the next time you'd see each other. How would you react next time?To be honest, a simple hi would have made your night much better. Anyway, it doesn't here. The next time you see her, try to make up for what happened.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (27 May 2012):
 You expect MEN to understand women? Can you see where you went wrong there....
Chigirl is probably the nearest to an answer for you, but as the majority say, just shrug your shoulders and walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe was with a guy and a couple of her friends. I just like sticking to my group when I'm out so No trouble or misunderstanding happen. It was packed and Getting from point A to Point B is a journey. She knew it was me but I can see now that she did it on purpose. It justs irks me when I didnt do anything wrong. When I see her other places we greet each other but last night was just stupid. Why come over to my group and do something unless I actually had a chance with this girl, don't you think?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 May 2012):
Maybe because you ignored her and didn't say hi to her. I mean you looked at her, she knew you saw her, yet you didn't wave, smile at her, or say hi to her. You ignored her. So maybe that's why she wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine and ignore you back, only she took it a bit further and wanted to make a point out of it.
Or maybe she genuinely didn't recognize/remember you. In any case you could have just said hi when she came over....
"we had become good friends during the semester but I guess it was only for the semester."
I bet that's what she thought as well when you didn't say hi to her...
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Shes annoyed u didnt approach her when u made eye contact. Youre mistake man and i find u losing ur seat as an excuse to not approach. Women do not like that fear they find it woosy and unconfident. Even if she did reject u have thicker skin dont let her show a weakness in ur personal barrier. Theres a billion women on earth man dont treat one like a commodity as i see u r with ur emotion. Dust off n try again with another gal.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 May 2012):
I'm not sure you should of got that worked up over it, you were out for your friends birthday, if she didn't want to say hi, then so what, enjoy your night with your friends and know that you don't need to call her friend.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 I think you should just let it go and not let it bother you. Yes it is a shame that you both became good friends and then she just ignores you. But some people tend to be like that and if I where you I would not let it get to you. Am sure you do not need her as a friend if she behaves like that.
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