A
female
age
26-29,
*arameleagle
writes:So I have a guy friend that I have known for about 3 years. For the first 2 years we were basically best friends. Spent several hours out of the day with each other, talked on the phone every free minute we had, and eventually became sexually involved. This went on for two years and after about a year of course being a woman I wanted it to go further and wanted to be his girlfriend not just his best friend. He went on to tell me how he didn't want to be in a committed relationship but also didn't want to leave what we had basically brain washing me :-) We went on for another year with this "friends with benefits" role. It started to cause problems because we obviously wanted two different things, he finally told me that we had came to expiration date and he couldn't give me what I wanted and that we can remain friends but not hang out like we use to because he felt like he was holding me back. This actually hurt me pretty bad and it ended like a messy break up. Over the next few months we didn't talk much but slowly started to get back close. But this time was different, the conversation consisted of him telling me about his other female friends and the things they did added with several "but they aren't like you" and "i miss what we had" and so on. To this day We still remain to be really close friends just from our past but my friends tend to think that I should cut him off completely. They can't seem to understand why I constantly pick up the phone for him whenever he calls. I adore our friendship and I guess in a sense I'm scared to loose it and I will admit in the back of my head I'm hoping if I stick around until he is ready to be in a committed relationship that I will be the chosen woman! I have dated outside of him but I haven't been able to find a connection with anybody like him. I've gotten to point I'm starting to wonder are my friends right and should I just excommunicate my guy friend so it might open up the door for something brand new? I need advice on what to do??? And maybe someone else has been in a relationship like this and can be of some assistance!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2012):
 I'm desperately hoping that your age isn't really 13-15, and you've not been in a sexual relationship when you were possibly 11 as this is bad. Also, how old is this guy??I'm going to tell you two things about Friends with Benefits:1. It is *NOT* a relationship. FWB is not even close to being a relationship. It's both of you USING each other. Feelings aren't involved, and there are no strings. This means he can have sex with 10 other people while with you, and it's permitted. You can make no demands on him for anything more.2. There is no Next Step in a FWB. You're hoping he'll commit and it'll turn into a relationship. The very fact that you're wishing this is why you can't be in a FWB with him. Feelings ruin FWB's, and they do not turn into relationships. Usually, only 1% ever progress. This guy is using you. You can't ever use sex to hope that he'll miss you. Those things he says to you "they aren't like you" and "I miss what we had" are simply words he says to keep the sexual gravy train open.
A
female
reader, carameleagle +, writes (2 June 2012):
carameleagle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone I am not 13-15. I'm 25!
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A
female
reader, carameleagle +, writes (2 June 2012):
carameleagle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere was a mistake lol im 25 I guess I accidentally clicked the wrong one.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 First things first, you shouldn't be having sex in the age 13-15 category, it's against the law.Secondly, you're wayyyyyyyyy too young for a FWB arrangement, that kinda thing is for legal adults who have strictly NO FEELINGS for one another besides sexual attraction.And to finally be helpful, yes, you should listen to your friends and cut this guy loose, as he said he's holding you back and as long as he's around, you're not going to find somebody else who's looking for the same thing that you are.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): The way things are, he knows you will always be there so the relationship will never change. He can freely look for other women so he will never give that up. If you make him work at it your relationship, it might change. The only way to know is to not be available for him anymore. Do not answer his calls. Wait several days before responding to his calls and act aloof, as if there's something new and exciting in your life. Let him know you only have a few minutes on the phone and have to run. If he really cares about you, he will panic, thinking you've lost interest in him and found someone else. He will try to get you back. Even then, you can never respond to him the way you have in the past, or you will never be anything more than his "friend". You must change his view of you -- you are not afraid to lose him because you are a prize worth fighting for. Make him chase you by not being available to him like you have in the past. Let him initiate calls and e-mails. Never let him know you care more for him than he does for you. Men lose interest when they know they have you. Even if you aren't interested in other guys, go to places where there are other guys just to get your mind off of him. Go to new places and learn new things. This will make you more interesting to him, as well. I hope you win :)
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