A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right everyone seems to think I'm scared of being alone because I've had two serious relationships by the time in 17, but the thing is I love being singleBut when I am single I miss having someone to hug kiss and have sex with so do you think if I found the right person FWB could work?I know FWB is bad and its using each other but the only thing I miss in a relationship is the physical side does this make me a bad person? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone it's really helped open my eyes and your all right it isn't like what the movies make it out to seem so thankyou ad I think I'll steer clear of it :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 FWB rarely works out
FWB is not for teens
IN fact, I don't actually think FWB is a good solution for anyone other than old divorced folks who get what it really is...
sex without emotions.
no hugging... minimal kissing
no hand holding
no cuddling on the couch watching a movie...
show up
lay down
have sex
go home
so very thrilling.... NOT
it's not BAD it's just NOT what folks seem to think it is.
and it almost never works out...... it's so rare that it does I doubt most folks can even name ONE set of married/happily ever after friends that started as FWB
you don't miss what FWB offers... you miss the things FWB lacks... cuddling, kissing, attention...
get a puppy.
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A
female
reader, licallion  +, writes (3 June 2012):
It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human, curious infact.
Havinga lot of sexual partners may cause you to loose some self-respect for yourself so i'd advise against it.
Also, you must be really careful (use condoms always) and sometimes even condoms dont protect from all STIs
Lisa
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2012):
 I agree with Starmonster888.
Wanting someone to hug,kiss and have sex with is not making you a bad person. But overall it's rare for a FWB to really work. Most of the time the woman can't separate emotions from the physical side. And SHE ends up getting hurt.
You are ONLY 17! TAKE a break from relationships, enjoy being single. BUT I would advise you to stay away from FWB and casual sex situations for a while. Not only do you risk losing a good FRIEND if you start a FWB, but you end up losing some of yourself when you start to assume that intimacy is something you can HAVE without having to work for it. Honestly having sex just to have sex (at least to me) seem to devalue the whole idea of intimacy.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (3 June 2012):
 To answer your question - simply wanting a FWB doesn't make a you "bad" person. There is nothing wrong with having a strong sexual desire and seeking to obtain sexual partners.
However, FWB isn't as glamorous as TV or the movies may depict. There are some tough emotions each partner must deal with in order for it to be even remotely successful. FWB for adults is a very muddied pond to swim in - I would imagine it's even more so for younger adults such as yourself.
I would advise that you steer clear from FWB relationships. They have the tendency to make the "friend" part of the relationship very difficult - which will outweigh the "benefits". You could find yourself falling for the person you said you only wanted sex from - and if they don't share those same feelings for you, you'll be left hurting from the rejection. Stay away.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 June 2012):
 It's hard to say because in the majority of cases, someone is going to end up getting hurt in a FWB, because sex changed things and feelings start to grow.
And no, it doesn't make you a bad person, people have needs, but at the same time, having the freedom of not being in a relationship is very appealing. I don't really think its using each other, as you're both getting something you want out of it, it's more helping IMO hahaha
I think physically, it WILL fulfill your needs, but emotionally, it's probably going to end up in tears.
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A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (3 June 2012):
 I don't know about hugging. That's all a bit too cute. Too...affectionate. Truth is, and this is especially true for women, it's difficult to separate sex from emotion. I don't recommend it. Even the name sounds stupid, don't you think? "Friends with benefits". Sounds like a bad joke.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): Personally at 16-17 I think the last thing you need is a friend with benefits, and you should be concentrating on school/or collage. Buy a pet to love and adore instead and maybe find a new hobby to keep you occupied. To answer part of your question, no, FWB doesn't make anyone a bad person, its an arrangement by two people if they don't want or have the time for the commitment of a relationship, but still want the intimate part of a relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 No it does not make you a bad person, it makes you a naive one.
FWB is not "bad " and is not using anybody, until the two person are two consenting adults exactly on the same page and with the same expectations.
If they both just want no strings physical pleasure, it will work. For a few months at least ( because , for most people, men included ! sex without any emotion, without that certain mental/ emotional " je ne sais quoi " after a short while becomes as exciting and appealing as a steady diet of water and dry bread, and they'll change FWB just because in need of novelty ).
BUT, it does not stays so neutral very often. In fact, 95 % of times someone start developping feelings and expectations , and someone is going to get hurt. More often the woman.
I see that what you miss is not strictly the genital gratification, the orgasms ( which you can provide yourself better than any lover, I bet ) - you miss the hugs, the kisses.... i.e. the closeness, the INTIMACY.
You won't find any real intimacy in an FWB, only, maybe, the gestures of affection, without the feeling behind it, and that will only leave you disappointed and craving for more.
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