A
female
age
30-35,
*ISSCOT9191
writes:Hello everyoneI'm having a sort of fling with a guy I work with who is 20 years older then me but I feel dirty and a little bit ashamed after my friends started saying he was a pervert and that it was wrong. I'm 25, he is 46. He's divorced and I've been single since the start of the year. We've worked together for about 2 years and I'm well aware of the reason of his divorce. Both him and his wife were sleeping with other people. When we were both on a night out for a birthday party, he ended up sharing a taxi with me and some others. He ended up back at mine and you can guess the rest. Neither of us want anything serious. We've only slept together 7 times in 5 months so it's not a regular thing but I enjoy it. It's great sex and we are both single. I know he won't fall in love with me and I don't believe I will fall in love with him and we are happy at what it is. Anyway I ended up telling my friend when she found condoms in my bathroom. She works with us but in a different department. She laughed and said it was quite kinky but then told some of my other friends who were really bad about it. I know he is older by a lot and is only 4 years younger then both my parents but it's just sex, he hasn't told anyone from what I understand but when I rang him and said our coworker knew, he was a bit upset as his daughter is 14 and his son 10. He doesn't want anyone to know he is sleeping with a young girl, so we ended it but slept together again at the weekend after a bit of flirting at work. I don't like feeling ashamed of myself for what I enjoy. Is it wrong or should my friends not judge?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 People will judge you that is life. But you are both adults and both consenting. What I would be concerned about is gossip at work effecting you both or at a risk his children finding out. Work may become unbearable. As I said you are both adults and doing nothing wrong.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 Should you feel ashamed?
Nope.
Should your friends not judge?
Well, that is not going to happen. YOU also judge them and who they date, don't you? Now you may not say it out loud, but we ALL judge to a degree. So THAT is not going to stop.
If your friends from it gross then they find it gross. Some people like older/younger partners and as long as they are CONSENTING adults WHO cares?!
But maybe you should NOT share details with that ONE friend who told all the others about it. That is not a good friend. It's not her place to let everyone know who you are being intimate with. NOT AT ALL.
And IF you are OK with this older casual sex partner, then go for it. Personally, I think it's a dumb thing to have a f-buddy from your workplace. It just has the potential for gossip and drama neither of you wants.
It's your life.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Office gossip would be the thing to worry about and possible job ramification. Other than that, what you do as consulting adults is between you and him and don't need permission or approval from anyone. It seems you both have a handle on the dynamics and expectation of what the relationship is and thats healthy.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 November 2016):
 You're both consenting.
However, "don't crap where you eat". You may lose your job over this guy - is a hook up worth it? Not only that, but you also feel dirty about it.
I wouldn't advise continuing, but it's your choice.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Do whatever you like. Since when do you do things to please other people?
I will add that FWB have tendencies to get very, very measy. However if you feel like you can keep your feelings and sex separate, then continue as you please wit out wondering what other people think.
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A
female
reader, Soup1129 +, writes (4 November 2016):
It's only wrong if you truly feel it's wrong! I don't see anything wrong with it, it's just Sex like you said, and even if feelings happen then oh well! What's meant to be will be. Just continue being safe and I wouldn't tell anyone anymore, it's no ones business. Who cares what they think?!
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