A
female
age
30-35,
*re101
writes:My ex boyfriend (3 year relationship, broke up with me 6 weeks ago due to him feeling neglected due to my depression and OCD) told me this week that he is now in a relationship with an 18 year old boy... My ex and I are both 27.......One week after our break up my ex met him for the first time to hang out... That's when he 'fell' for him...My ex and I met this boy on an MMO one year ago. We knew the boy was gay and both got on with him a lot but he was very clingy with my ex (always messaging him every single day). I didn't care about how close they were. I never thought in a million years he would be a threat to our relationship because my ex was straight (only ever had female partners - 3 before me). I never thought he'd look at an 18 year old in that way either if he was a female.My ex is feeling very confused and it has been difficult for him to come to terms with apparently.How do I deal with this shocking news?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (7 November 2016):
Shocking yes...Great for you...ABSOLUTELY!!!
You see this as shocking...WHY!! Not your problem now.
Just imaging... in your fourth year, you got pregnant. Planned to get married, got married, then he divorce you for said boy then...How would you deal with that shock???
You dodged a massive heartache. I don't see it as shocking...I see it as thank goodness he ended it before you found out he was sleeping with both of you at the same time.
Way more shocking things could have happened...and now, you don't have to deal with any of it.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 Off course it is a shock and am sure you have a lot off questions. But his sexuality is his business and he is single so he is doing nothing wrong. You just need to accept now you are no longer with him and move on with your life
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 November 2016):
 Yes, it must have been a shock to find this out, and I do understand you having difficulty coming to terms with this on 3 levels - the speed with which it happened, the fact your boyfriend has suddenly discovered his gay side and the age of the new boyfriend concerned. I would imagine it makes you question your whole relationship with your ex and this is normal.
Apparently everyone (or at least most people) have the ability to fall for people of either sex. It's just a case of meeting the right person. Perhaps this 18 year old is that person for your boyfriend. It sounds like the 18 year old may have had "a thing" for your boyfriend for a while and the break-up of your relationship with your boyfriend was probably the catalyst for their relationship to move onto a different level.
The new boyfriend is 18 so your boyfriend is doing nothing illegal. I agree the age gap is quite large, especially as it is half the age of the boyfriend, but relationships do often work, even with big age gaps.
Wish your ex well in his new relationship and leave him to get on with it.
Are you getting treatment for your depression and OCD? If not, perhaps now is a good time to concentrate on yourself and getting better?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): He's your ex, right? It's really no longer your business who he's with, as long as he's not with you and cheating.
Go completely no contact, delete his number, and ignore his attempts to contact you. I think you have more important personal matters to deal with; not him and his little gay experiment.
If this causes you extreme anxiety, see your therapist!
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A
female
reader, Barnes66  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 As others As others have rightly pointed out,he is your ex now.What he does now is nor longer your concern nor your business.It's time to move on
To start, you need to break contact. The fact that you want him and he doesn't want you means you are not going to be together and certainly not be able to be friends. It's an unfortunate reality, but it's the way things are. That means no email, no phone calls, no IM, no nothing. Don't contact him, and don't contact him back if he contacts you.
Time to move on
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 November 2016):
 Why do you need to deal with it?
He's your ex. Nothing needs to be done on your part besides blocking him and moving on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 How is this YOUR thing to deal with?
He is your ex. And your ex-bf has now decided he wants to date a dude. Which means he probably wasn't 100% straight when he was with you, but he was unsure, he still is. He most likely dated women exclusively because he WANTED to fit in with the "norm" of society (which is straight).
You didn't MAKE him gay (or bi)
My guess is he didn't just break up with you because of your depression and OCD, but because he had started to grow feelings for the younger dude.
The fact that he is now dating an 18 year is none of your business either. I get that you find it weird, that a 27-year-old is dating someone 9 years younger - but maybe this is the FIRST guy he has felt he could "experiment" with or be himself with. It happens.
He will do him, you do you.
So OP, suck it up Buttercup.
IF you find it hard to deal with CUT the contact and let him do this thing while YOU move on. Hopefully, YOU will start to focus on working on your depression and getting the OCD under control. It might make it EASIER for you NEXT time you met a guy you want to date.
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A
female
reader, Soup1129 +, writes (4 November 2016):
What do you mean you got on with him? What a difficult situation, I would be pretty shocked too then again anything is possible. If I were you, I would be there for him as a friend and try so hard to not take anything personally. If he is gay or bi, and just figuring it out, I'm sure he needs someone to talk to. Help him out! And as you help him find out his answers, your questions will be answered too.
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