A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, Thankyou in advanced for all of your help. I have a quick question. My partner and I have been together for about a year and are set to move in together soon. I absolutely adore him and know that he feels the same about me although of late I have been struggling. My partner is a very pragmatic, somewhat unemotional individual (unlike my last partner), where I am extremely emotional, almost over sensitive. He has put in so much effort to be conscious of my emotional needs always extending himself and opening up more than he ever has before. I’m so grateful for that! Lately he has begun a new job (we used to work in the same building) which see’s him flying interstate for a few days a week. Although he would rather be home, he understands it’s part of the role and isn’t too bothered by the change. I however am quite sad. I understand it’s his role and I want to be fully supportive and make it easier for him, but we speak less when he is away, he is also distracted (usually with a fully booked work schedule) and I generally just feel left out.In addition to finding his absence upsetting I’m also a little saddened that he isn’t as sad about it as me!I know that just because he isn’t sad, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. But I’m still finding myself in a slump. Dumb right!!Basically I know that I need to find ways internally to realise that he still cares even though he is absent and distant for a few days. I don’t want to constantly beg for reassurance and attention while he’s away. I just want to stop feeling forgotten. Any advice is super appreciated. Hopefully a new perspective will help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 "somewhat unemotional individual (unlike my last partner), where I am extremely emotional, almost over sensitive."
Good thing he is not emotional...Two emotional and over sensitive people would drive each other crazy.
He is not sad about being away from you, because he is not you...one. Two, he is a man that knows he has a job to do...and that job is to look after you. To be the best provider he can be.
Want to be in his world?? Then give him something to look forward to when he gets home...if you catch my meaning. He will be very focus on you for sure.
Treat the situation like you are meeting your long distance love for the first time. What kind of impression are you going to make to keep him interested in you? What are you going to wear? So on and so on.
It does not have to be a sad event...you can use it and have fun with it. Bet he will be looking forward to getting home every time.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 November 2016):
 You need to work on your independence. Keep yourself busy or see friends you've not spoke to in a while. Fill your time so you're not sat around feeling sorry for yourself.
Some people just aren't emotional and there's nothing you can do about it I'm afraid. I think you need to be careful because some people can find being over emotional very off putting. You need to relax and remember why hes away from home.
...............................
A
female
reader, PhiliGirl  +, writes (10 November 2016):
 I believe that in his own way, he is already trying to make up for not always being there by taking that final step to move in together. For a guy, that's a HUGE step (in their eyes, its like marriage, LOL, or so i have been told).
I would say try keep busy, he is busy so he doesn't always have time to think of you. Its not that he doesn't love you, but face it, your a distraction when it comes to work, any partner is. Try see things from his side as well. So get a hobby or something to keep yourself busy and distracted. It will feel good to have some "YOU" time.
Good Luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 I think you are expecting a lot off your partner. Yes you are both in a committed relationship. But that does not mean that you need to be glued to each other all the time. Distance is actually good in a relationship. It is good to have time to miss each other. He is not choosing to stay away from you like he does not care, he is actually away to work. Which shows that he has ambition. I don't think you need reassurance all the time from him or else he will soon get tired. Instead off missing him when he is away, concentrate on yourself and your own life. Hang out with friends. Be independent. Take up new hobbies, interests and sports. Keep yourself busy and active and remind yourself you don't need to be around each other all the time.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 November 2016):
 During this period strengthen yourself. You do this by following your own interests, or finding some new ones. You aren't just sitting by the hearth waiting for him to come home. You are living your life with your interests and your friends.
When his job expectations change then you can accommodate them as necessary.
...............................
|
