A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had read an article on the Evan Marc Katz website and it mentioned that holding off on sex weeds out the guys who are only interested in getting into your pants and not really wanting to get to know you/don't like you.I also heard from a different dating coach that if a guy doesn't like you, you holding out longer and making him work for it won't make him like you more. He mentioned that he knows plenty of guys who had worked so hard for a girl and then realized "Hey, you know, what? I don't want her anymore." He says at the end of the day, after they had worked so hard to get you, they may realize "she's not worth it" because he thought her value isn't that high in his eyes to stay as your boyfriend. But what confuses me is a quote that Evan Marc Katz once said, "Guys look for sex and find love" meaning, while he is looking for sex, if you hold out, he may begin to like you more as he builds an emotional connection. So, aren't these two things Evan mentions contradictory? So, what do you think? I just wanted input because I ended up sleeping with a guy on the 3rd date and I've been beating myself up to a pulp about it, constantly thinking "Omg if only I had held off a little longer, he would have gotten to know me better and thus potentially liked me more" What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2016):
 Just because you slept with him on the third date (which BTW was the standard for my generation) does not mean he will leave.
What I have found is the women need a reason to have sex..men need a place... that's a bit tongue in cheek but it's the same thing as saying...women have sex once they fall in love men fall in love once they have sex.
It's really kind of true. My current husband and I got together as NSA fun and games. I didn't care if he loved me just that we had fun. And we did. Then we fell in love.
I think you are over thinking this. I also agree that if a man really likes you he will stick around without sex and if he's just there for the sex and he does not get it after a short minimal amount of time then he will leave.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (7 November 2016):
 It all comes down to who you are as a woman. Some men fall for women who make them wait, some men fall for women who have sex with them on the first date. it all came down to her attitude and who she was. If she was fun, amazing, interesting for many weeks and months til they had sex, all the better as he got to know her better and felt an amazing bond before the sex. If she was amazing, fun, interesting and VERY SEXUAL and had sex with him right away within first date or first few dates, it didnt matter because he can get hooked right away already. The waiting part didnt matter and played NO PART
So who the woman IS, matters a whole lot. If however, she has low self esteem, was testing him to see what his intentions are, had trust issues, felt unsure about her body, waiting a day or months doesnt matter ---hes going to bail out either way. There are times where men wait many months to get laid and realize---shes awful in bed and had poor self esteem thus they bailed. Some bail after the first few dates. Some men only want sex, some men want love. There are so many factors involved but it all comes down to what I just said : THE WOMAN'S ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK ON SEX. Even if a woman have sex right away, her attitude about sex and her self esteem will determine whether he comes back again
And this is related to how high self-esteem women feel about men too. Any women who is in touch with her sexuality, her body, her likes and dislikes---will be picky and selective. She may sleep with a guy and bail or do the fade if sex was bad. She may be seeking someone who is better in bed because she knows she can and has the upper hand.
It goes either way.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 November 2016):
 the female anno.... that wrote.if you hold out on sex the right guy will wait.
if you are giving out a guy will take it, and not respect you as much. he may even think if she gives out this quick , and easy she will give out to any guy cheaply.
a man will take what you give them, and not value it. if he sees you as the one he has to have a reason to see something in you with value, respect , that he does not want to get away, or loose.
with that said you must have self respect, or be a conquest for him. then he will move on to the next girl.a man will either see you as a keeper or to throw away when he is done with you.
that is my insight on the subject .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): If you hold off on sex, the right guy will wait.
If you hold off on sex, the player will move on to the next conquest who will give him sex.
But beware, the player who disguises himself as the right guy could also wait, sleep with you and then dump you.
Men have a game. What is it? They play women for their emotions to get sex.
Don't want to be played?
Wait until you are married to have sex. The man who loves you will wait. That is the only sure way to know.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I don't think so. If a guy wants sex then he's not looking to connect on any sort of emotional level he will do what he has to get what he wants then more than likely cut contact.
On the other hand if he's wanting something deeper that's when sex will take more of a backseat and he will show more of an interest in getting to know you and spending time with you and not trying to turn everything sexual.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (6 November 2016):
My principle and it's only mine .. would be dating a guy for nearly a year and know where we stood before I put out .. no matter how much I wanted to I wouldn't ..
Guys do have this oo well she slept with me quickly enough who else will see .. when they do the same .. no matter what we say life for girls is still the same .. We do get judged if we do and called frigid if we don't
I think you need to hold off until you know or feel he has the intention of making it more .. go with that . If it doesn't feel right don't .. If you don't know how he feels don't .. guys will judge no matter what ..
I don't see anything wrong in what you did .. but he may be one of those guys .. who's like she did it so soon .. so neXT time
Just make sure you know feel it's right and have an idea of how he feels if you like him ..
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (6 November 2016):
My principle and it's only mine .. would be dating a guy for nearly a year and know where we stood before I put out .. no matter how much I wanted to I wouldn't ..
Guys do have this oo well she slept with me quickly enough who else will see .. when they do the same .. no matter what we say life for girls is still the same .. We do get judged if we do and called frigid if we don't
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): If a man just wants sex he isn't going to wait around if he doesn't get it. If he gets it and that's all he wanted, he will disappear when he gets it. If he really likes someone, he will wait however long it takes while the attraction is still there. If something puts him off in the meanwhile, that's another story. If he likes you and you have sex quite soon, I don't think it will put him off. It certainly shouldn't or it's a case of double standards. Although I know what you mean, I had sex quickly with someone I found seriously sexy and wished I had waited, because I do think waiting increases attraction. However, it hasn't stopped him from being attracted to me and he's still chasing me eighteen months later. If the feeling's there for him, it's there, whether we put out early or not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): My two cents: Don't make this decision trying to impress a guy or not. Do what you feel comfortable doing and let the chips fall where they may. When a guy is impressed by having to wait, its usually not because you made HIM wait. He wants a girl who makes EVERYONE wait (past and present). He just puts up with waiting to get her. If she makes everyone wait then it means its part of her personal values about sex.If you only make a guy wait longer because he shows more BF potential then you are punishing better guys and rewarding losers. Lets just say that is not attractive. That is also deceiving the guys with BF potential. Making the right guys wait longer is faking a 'good girl' image to serve your purpose. (If its not about deception then why won't women tell that guy the truth when they do it? "Oh sure I sleep with some guys right away when they are only good for a hookup. But I want YOU to respect me so you have to wait.")If a guy really likes you then sleeping with him right away probably won't ruin your chances. It will chase off a few guys who are on the fence about you. (But making them wait will chase off some of those guys too.) There are also some guys who will only stay interested until they slept with you however long that took. Then they lose interest either right away or after a few more times. I don't understand it but those guys do exist.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I don't think it will make him like you. It MIGHT make him respect you, even value you because he has had to wait/work for what he wanted.
What holding off having sex until you are sure what his intentions are WILL give YOU is far less hurt if he IS only after sex. If he chucks you because you won't have sex and that was all he was after, you can save yourself a whole load of heartache because, if sex is all he wants, he will chuck you afterwards anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I think if a guy doesn't really like you, he might still boink you, but holding out will NOT "make" him like you.
No woman's "snatch" hold that kind of power, sorry.
If a guy is JUST looking to get laid he will most likely NOT want to wait around "too long" for the sex. He will TALK sex, hint at sex, be handsy and suggest sex early on. That isn't always because he is attracted to the woman or even like her, he is just wanting sex with as LITTLE effort as possible. You know the guy on Tindr/Bumble who says: "wanna Fuck" in the VERY first conversation you will have. And that isn't just the young ones - the F-boys... a friend of mine who thought Tindr would be fun as she is single and on a break from dating sites found that most of the men she has had contact with are VERY direct and not exactly picky.
IF you have a guy who is a little old fashioned and likes you, he might appreciate waiting a while and getting to know you - IF he is looking for a relationship.
However, MEN (just like women) are INDIVIDUALS so what works for one guy, may not work for the next. There are no "official" set rules in how to behave when dating.
But no, I don't think he a guy will discover that if ONLY you had held out he might have liked you better. Either he likes you or he doesn't. If you being sexual "too soon" for him then he isn't for you, is he? Because HE was willing to have sex too. IT takes 2 to tango is there really shouldn't be different rules for a woman than a man when it comes to sex.
IF you WANT to wait, because you are unsure of what he wants and how you feel, then WAIT. If not, then don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): I think you are thinking about this waaay too much. If he likes you he likes you if he wants sex then he just wants that and he will dump you eventually down the line. You sleeping with him 1 day or 1 month down the line wont make a difference if he wants to stay he will if he doesnt he wont. That being said yes it takes time to get to know someone i doubt unless you were friends before that either of you know wach other well enough. but to ans your question no holding off will not make him like more. if he is there for sex it will aggravate him more. if he is genuine he wouldnt mind waiting cause he knows you are worth it
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