A
female
age
41-50,
*ngel delight
writes:So I was dumped by my ex 4 weeks ago now. We were in a great relationship for a year and knew each other for 3 years before that. The last 3 weeks of our relationship wasn't good (my insecurity and trust issues) which I am getting help with. There was no infidelity, no lying, no abuse in the relationship at all....we were best friends. When we first split I didn't contact him for 5 days, then I broke and contacted him. (only by text) At first it was like he was pleased to hear from me and we got on again but then, because I was still hurting and it was raw I lost it again, to the point where he said he didn't want to hear from me. He also said "I didn't want any of this but the last few weeks has been awful for me"So I didn't contact him at all for nearly 2 weeks then yesterday was the anniversary of his dads death, which always affects him massively so I sent him a text to say that I knew what a sad day it was for him and to stay strong. I put a "x" at the end of the message. We had a light hearted conversation via text and made each other laugh. He replied to my messages straight away and always put a "x" as did I. The conversation ended well and I left it and haven't contacted him again since. I really want to get back with this guy. I know it was my issues which caused everything and I am taking steps to address that (not for anyone else but for me) But I'm not sure how to get him back. I agree that we both need space and time to miss each other but the way he was texting me yesterday I feel like he does miss me. I don't want to seem too keen and scare him off but I also want him to know I'm interested. He still has a few bits of my property and he told me when we split he would get them back to me, then when he told me he didn't want me contacting him he told me he would send them back via courier but he hasn't made any mention or effort to give them back. Does anyone know what I should do next? (positive answers only please)
View related questions:
anniversary, best friend, infidelity, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2016):
 It is funny you realize now you need help with your issues because you have lost him. This is the case so many times where people want to change when it is to late.
Logically you need to meet up with him and tell him you are getting help for your insecurity. For now I think you need to stay single and concentrate on yourself and your trust issues. Explain to him that once you feel you are getting better you would like to contact him and meet up with him. Remember though that he might not give you a second chance.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 November 2016):
 You may get on fantastically but to be (I'm going to guess you've accused him of cheating or similar? From trust issues) accused of things you're not doing can be a deal breaker for a lot of people as it is not very nice at all to be doubted.
The only thing you can really do is suggest to meet up to collect your belongings and have a clear the air talk and let him know that you're working on the issues that you have although you need to be prepared to accept that this may seriously be over for him and he's not bluffing. If it is, then you need to respect his wishes and not contact him and use this as a lesson on what not to do in future relationships.
Everyone has a tipping point and you may of found his.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2016): This is a hard one - because you've actually known each other for 3 years before dating, then in less than a year of being together, you already don't trust him, yet he never did anything to betray your trust.
I almost feel like there is something missing from your post that you are not telling us. First year of a relationship is the honeymoon phase. It should be sweet, crazy, and loving. Why do you find yourself unable to trust him?
I feel the only way you can make this relationship work is to figure out what the core issue is and address that. Otherwise, what's the point of being back together so that down the road, you will break up again?
...............................
|
