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male
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*haymeyabu
writes: Hi There.I'm in a spot of bother at the moment. I'm married,quite happily and have 2 children and darly love my wife. BUT.... there's this girl (yeah I know!!!) whom I work with. We get along great and she's really attractive. She's engaged to be married but but kinda gives me the impression she likes me too. What do I do?
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at work, engaged, I work with Reply to this Question
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female
reader, amcfoxy +, writes (22 May 2006):
 you do flatter yourself dont you,you have a wife and kids who you say you love im lost.....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): What would you think if your wife said I have seen the sexiest man alive at work and want sex with him? This is either a joke question or you need serious psychological help dude!
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male
reader, shaymeyabu +, writes (19 May 2006):
shaymeyabu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, Again.yeah... maybe I just need to take a cold shower and kop on... Thanks for the advice. Your help is much appreciated.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 Go ahead make her day. She will probably laugh in your face and call you an infatuated moron....but hey!! The office could probably do with a laugh.
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male
reader, twiltan +, writes (19 May 2006):
The prospect of the forbidden is bound to seem exciting, but the reality will be a lot less exciting imho.Your happily married, doing anything to ruin that would be a stupid mistake you will regret for a very long time imho.
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female
reader, honey_08 +, writes (19 May 2006):
 O!!! grown up!!! you are married and why dont you focus yourself to your wife and your children... dont do anything stupid that will hurt your family, because the most important person in this world is our family. think of them!!!
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 May 2006):
 "I'm loosing sleep,weight, and my marbles... all at once"...how about losing your self respect and dignity? You cannot be happy with your wife if you have wandering eyes that are contemplating action. Try to sort out your sex life with your wife if that is the problem. The woman in work might even knock you back since she is getting married herself, and if she doesn't then she is cheap, hardly a trophy prize and hasn't got much self respect (hmmm attractive). Quite apart from the fact you are married, you should think about what happens post-fling when you and her get bored (if it ever happens outside your head of course). You still have to see her over the photocopier at work...embarrassing; not to mention the office gossip, or your work reputation being left in tatters.
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female
reader, shania +, writes (19 May 2006):
 Martini....ur a scream!...keep your answers coming in...your ratings should be sky high!!!...he he.
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (19 May 2006):
 You said this earlier: Whoa... I have no intention of leaving my wife. Would a little casual sex on the side be that big a deal? This woman drives me wild.... I've never experienced this before. I'm loosing sleep,weight, and my marbles... all at once
OF COURSE ITS A BIG DEAL!! There is NO such thing as CASUAL SEX. Someone will get hurt.
PLEASE, my friend, I know you have desires, I mean I still have feelings for a married manI work with, but I have had to supress the feelings because he is taken. Good luck xXx and BE GOOD!!!
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male
reader, Sparks +, writes (19 May 2006):
 You shouldn’t feel guilty for your desires. They are natural, everyone has them whether they are committed or not. They are related to your instincts and that’s a consequence of being human.
What you do need to be careful with are your actions. People shouldn’t criticize you for feeling attracted to the girl, but for considering the affair.
I’m all for monogamy, but that’s a personal opinion and not a dogma I impose on everyone. Therefore, in your case the problem is not the casual sex itself, but the immorality of having to lie to your wife. If your wife was open minded about it, there would be nothing wrong, but I hardly think she is, or else you wouldn’t have asked this question in the first place. So engaging in your office adventures would force you into lying to the person you supposedly love the most in this world, and that’s a very bad start.
Anyway, whether you’re bothered about these moral issues or not, I don’t know. So I will skip to the more pragmatic advice.
Avoid the affair, because the chances of the whole thing backfiring are great. You don’t really know what the girl might want to do once you start. Suddenly she may think she fell in love with you and may demand constant attention and the rest. If you start the affair, you will be in her hands. You know who will be the first person she will call in case you don’t comply with her demands (and they may not be only emotional - $$$). It would be hell.
Your wife finds out and you could be looking forward to lawyers, a divorce, the loss of your kids – and they surely would forever hate you for “destroying the family”. Even is she forgives you, certainly things would never be the same again. Is that worth the casual sex? I don’t think so.
Remember, once you decided to get married, you gained many great things (emotional support, children you love, someone to look after you, a family, etc.) but also accepted to give up on a number of conveniences single people have. That’s the deal; you can never have it all at the same time. In case you try to break this rule, you are in for a very risky ride, where sooner or later people get caught.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): Then go have sex with her, but might I suggest you file for a divorce with your wife first. Also, don't get in touch with your children. You must be about 12 years old. Mhm, would anyone else agree to this guy's mentality and erm, lack of maturity?
Oooh! Look at my ratings go down! [laughs]
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male
reader, shaymeyabu +, writes (19 May 2006):
shaymeyabu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK maybe some brutal honesty here. I crave sex with this woman. She's the sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 I agree with everyone else. This is a ridiculous question. Either you don't have a grip o reality or you're joking. After everything you said to describe your relationship at home, why ae you asking this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): BTW, sorry for the cursing. Sometimes, these sort of questions just instantaneously irritates me. 8E
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male
reader, shaymeyabu +, writes (18 May 2006):
shaymeyabu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhoa... I have no intention of leaving my wife. Would a little casual sex on the side be that big a deal? This woman drives me wild.... I've never experienced this before. I'm loosing sleep,weight, and my marbles... all at once..
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (18 May 2006):
What do you mean what should I do? My friend, if you are HAPPILY married and one of the definitions of "quite" in the dictionary actually means "very" then what you are saying is that you are very happily married so why are you even giving this other girl a thought? If you are MARRIED with TWO kids and she is ENGAGED that equals NO GO AREA! Trust me, affairs are NOT NICE. All the best xXx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): Get a grip dude! If you love your wife so dearly how can you even be thinking this? What are you...an animal?! With a loving wife and two kids how can you look at yourself in the mirror each morning thinking of having an affair. So she's attracted to you...so what! Get over yourself, dude!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): Are you a fucking moron who can't think for himself?!? The question is irrelevant!
That's like me saying, "I work at X Corporation, and there are 5 attractive females after me." AND THE QUESTION IS......?
SO WHAT?! They being attracted to me has nothing to do with anything else. Jeebus F Coke! DO YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING?!?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): Excuse me? What should you do? I hope you are not thinking what I think you are. I think, dear-you should rein in your raging hormones and get a grip on the physical feelings of excitement you feel around this woman from work. It's a fact, that many, many married guys become 'lustfully infatuated ' with attractive women but what makes the difference is many of these men get it in perspective and realize rather quickly...the costs of a fling is just too great. So remember your wedding vows and the wonderful wife and kids you have at home...and be thankful you aren't an idiot and a moral zero like so many married guys are, who step out on there families. I would ignore this girl at work if she's flirting with you, hun. It sounds like she's playing with you. So many women love to flaunt their attractiveness and sexual poweress over poor unsuspecting suckers. She should reserving her charms for her fiancee. Her behaviours gives you the inside track, as to what her character is really like and what her true nature is about. I would avoid this woman, like the plague. She spells TROUBLE for you. You can and will ruin your entire life by moving towards this woman. Think clearly and use your head. (the one on your shoulders!) Take care
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