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female
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*orrine
writes: at the moment im 17 weeks pregnant, i already have 2 boys to my ex who is still a massive part in there lives, my problem is ive had two miscarrages to the partner im with now but i found he was cheating as i was loosing my 2nd baby, we split for a while but we ended up getin back together, he told me he loved me and wanted me more than anything, we went shoping for engagement rings when i found out i was pregnant again but when i got home i found a womans number in his pocket, he swore nothing happened, they just went for a drink and he kept giving her excuses why he couldnt meet her again but i cant understand why he just didnt end it, i love him and dont no how to cope without him although deep down i think it would be for the best,he swears he will never do it again and it was because we had split briefly but i just dont trust him, what should i do?? please help, im going out of my mind
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 Getting married isn't the answer to this because if he is cheating (and he may not be) then a wedding ring isn't going to change that. Whats more, getting married because you are pregnant is a second bad reason for a wedding - you should marry because you two are ready for the commitment as a couple, not to race down the aisle before the baby arrives.
It must have been horrible to find out he was a cheater while losing a baby but...and here comes the harsh words...you have taken him back after cheating and he may perceive that as you allowing it to happen as he knows you will forgive him. You are feeling emotionally dependent on him right now since you are pregnant. You have to look after yourself and not stress too much for your own health. However, regardless of whether he has been cheating or not - you seem to have your doubts about him and you should go with your gut instinct. If he is meeting women behind your back without prior notice that he is going out for a drink with a 'friend' then I would be suspicious. Anything secretive is usually dodgy. I know you say you love him and cannot cope without him but at the end of the day it comes down to self respect. Loving someone isn't about giving them permission to go out and do what they like or forgiving them anything. Lots of men would feel closer to you and protective of you because you are having a baby - if he is not this way, and looking for entertainment elsewhere it is a bad sign.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): hi, i hope i can help u a bit, if u love him, why dont u give him a chance, and if u are really and totally sure that he's been cheating on u, then i think u should start to thik about your self. im also a mom, but the diffrence between us is im single, never been married and no bf, but i raise my son by myself and by help of my parent, and i want u to do that, theres still a life, even u broke up with your bf. if your sure that hes cheating u and he ask u forgiveness then give him a 2nd chance, but if he do it again in the 3rd time, then dont let him hurt u all over again, you did not deserve to be get hurt all the time. in life we get happy and if theres happines theirs a sad moment, but it doesnt mean we should stop living. dont forget you babies they need u and be there for them all the way. i hope i helped u. thank you
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