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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have just found out my husband has been visiting escort agency girls - dominatrix in particular. How should I handle this? Is it my fault as I haven't been too interested in sex for about 6 months.thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006):
Professional "dominatrixes" usually don't actually have physical sex with their clients. It's roleplaying, a power exchange.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 My dear I wouldnt blame yourself but you need to address the issue as to why you hve lost your desire for sex because ultimately if he is not getting any he will look elsewhere, not that it is right to cheat, but he will argue that he has needs. My dear talk to your partner and establish the cause of your lack of desire forsex. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): if it was my husband i would leave him. its not worth stayin with him. men who seek prostitutes are sick people. he likes doing what he's doing and i dont think he's going to change. i wouldnt waist my time on him if i were you. he obviously doesnt care for you. i mean if he did he wouldnt be sleeping with these sicknening women and risking on getting an std and passing it on to you! you deserve to be happy. and no dont ever think its because it was your fault, its not your fault that he cant keep his d*** in his pants! leave him before you get some kind of std from him! you're not ever going to trust him again! i mean, what kind of man does this to his wife! i recomend that you get std, tested and get a papsmear. i had a friend who went thru the same thing and she contracted an std from her husband. he still cheats on her and she's very unhappy even after they seeked professional help. i hope everything turns out well for you!
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (18 May 2006):
 You should not blame yourself for the fact your husband pays for sex, and if he's into Dominatrix I should imagine he has some sort of fetish.
I agree with DrPsych here, you need to have a frank and honest talk to your husband and work through this as a couple, he will of course have to stop sleeping with prostitutes it not a healthy arrangement for a marriage, and you understandably find it upsetting.
I would consider couples councelling, maybe see a sex therapist to try and work out why a) your sex drive has diminished and b) why your husband feels the need to pay for sex. I know a few people who have seen a sex therapist and they say it has worked wonders, and hey if it helps save your marriage and gets your sex life back on track it's got to be worth a try.
If you can see no way through this and are unable to forgive your husband then maybe you should think about ending the marriage and leaving him to get on with it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, mariaelizabeth +, writes (18 May 2006):
my boyfriends friend did the same about 3 months ago, now hes back living with his dad, broke,jobless, and wifeless. its not for you to blame yourself because he cant keep it in his trousers. imagine it was someone elses problem, what would you say to them. and things like this arent just a one time thing. you can do better than be with someone who PAYS for sex, what does that say about him!? xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (18 May 2006):
 Don't blame yourself as you must work through this problem jointly with your husband if you are to rescue your marriage. I think that marriage is about rather more than sex, and his need to see escorts is probably symptomatic of a rather bigger problem than you not being interested in sex. Communication with your husband is the key to overcoming this problem, as well as professional counselling. If I were you then I would want to know about his motivations for using an escort service (apart from sex) and his reasons for interest in S&M. I am sure you must feel angry about this but the constructive approach would be to seek counselling to work through your husbands issues.
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (18 May 2006):
 no its his fault he is behaving like a complete swine if I were you I would kick him out know as he has no respect for you at all.The fact you haven't been interested in sex for 6 mths is neither here or there 6 mths is a very short time perhaps you were tired depressed. whatever don't give your husband the right to sleep with prostitutes its disgusting kick your hubby out and get a divorce
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