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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm Tom. I've been going out with my girlfriend Anna for almost two months now. Everything was great until a few weeks ago when Anna decided to dye her hair red. Because she has very dark hair, she needed to bleach it first. She's always had really sensitive skin and has to take a lot of medicine for it but it didn't occure to her that she might be allergic to the bleach. Unfortunately she was. The allergic reaction has caused her hair to fall out in patches and it might not grow back. Although I still really like her, and I feel really bad for her (it has really knocked her confidence), I am not as attracted to her as I once was. Is it wrong to break up with her because of it? What should I do? I need advice!
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (24 May 2006):
 Maybe you do really really really like her but are scared to admit it now so as to save face. Hair on your head doesnt make you a person, neither does make up or a huge spot anywhere! We are what we are! its obvious that you are having doubts, but do you really want to blow a chance that could be real love or your soul mate just because her hair fell out? There are a lot more problems in life and shying a way from a problem like this isnt going to set you up for other falls that may happen in life, we have to take the rough with the smooth, and somehow come out the other side. Seriously think hard about this, what if it was the other way around ? You need to be sympathetic, shes still the same person, the person you have fun with, the person you love hanging out with, that hasnt changed, shes a little bruised from this but guidance from you will help. I suspect that her hair will probably grow back in any case and when it does how silly will you feel that you bolted straight off! Give it a chance see what evolves you never know what twists life throws at you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): Tom, your relationship is still just getting off the ground. I give you credit for being brutally honest and stating you 'really like her' not 'you love her'. But you can understand the other Aunt's reaction to your posting. It really is leaving us all with the impression you are one very 'shallow guy'. You sound very young-and still quite immature because you look towards your gf's attractive looks to making you feel special and really good about yourself. Physical attraction is usually what really holds many youthful relationships together, in the beginning but she's looking to you for emotional support. I call this a good test to see if you are really cut out for what it takes to be in a mature, caring relationship. I don't think you aren't quite there yet. But, there is hope, Tom---a change of how you 'view the world and realizing you aren't the center of the universe' will help a great deal. A little common courtesy and compassion can go a long way, and taking time to doing the little acts of kindness toward your gf and letting her know how supportive you can be. Always look for ways to make her feel special...the positive payoffs should warm your heart and hopfully change your life perspective.
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female
reader, joanna44 +, writes (22 May 2006):
 i dont think you shouldnt end it just cos shes balding its a tad outa order, shes going to get the impression that you were only with her for her looks and not for the person she is.
if her self confidence is already low your just going to make it 10x worse for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): I want you to remember this when you suddenly get dumped by a companion when your in your 80's because your going bald and need to wear fake hair, what if her hair was falling out because of a different reason like having cancer or something, would you dump her then aswell? Is appearance all that is important these days? geez
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Thats a bit of a shallow question.As if she isnt going through enough with her hair falling out and its hardly surprising it has knocked her confidence.No doudt her hair will grow back.Realistically its pretty odvious you are having doudts about sticking around for her and to be honest she is worth more than you if you cant look beyond the outside and not see whats inside than thats your loss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): If it grows back, it's not a massive problem is it? But then again, you've only been going out two months - you should hardly be expected to stick with her though thick and thin.
If you really like her you wouldn't be considering leaving her now. Perhap's this has been a blessing in disguise (for her as well as you) ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): how would you like it if a girl left you because of your looks!!! you dont really love her then. do what you think is best.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Tom
This is slightly shallow of you mate. But if you do not love her then get out. Of course by doing this at a time when she will have low self image and be feeling crap about herself will make her feel worse you must do what is right for you. This may be construed by some as emotional blackmail, but I would rather you left than stayed out of pity - if it was me with the problem!! Dont be cruel and callous about it. Get out now and let her find a real man who will not crumble or fall at the first hurdle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006): Despite popular belief, I do not think it is wrong to break-up with someone over this. Why do people have relationships in the first place? Different people do it for 'different' reasons. If your reasons are superficially based, then that's exactly what it is. If your reasons are emotionally powerful, sentimentally overwhelming, then that is exactly what it is.
Of course, people will tell you that it is wrong because the consideration for breaking up is vanity, but objectively, I believe it is neither wrong nor right. It just is.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Correct it is wrong to do that, you should support your girlfriend come hell and high water it sounds to me that she is ill, dumping her would be unforgivable and selfish.
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Tom, please don't take this the wrong way, I am not judging you and I don't think you are a bad person but are you that shallow that because your girl's hair has fallen out you are no longer attracted to her? If this is the case then you are basing the relationship purely on looks alone and thats not what its ALL about. What you should try doing is supporting her and trying to give her her lost confidence back. I cant tell you to stay with her neither canI tell you to break up but what I can tell you is that you need to decide how much you love or really like your girl befor eyou make and decisions. Perhaps you are not ready for a proper relationship yet because something trivial like hair loss should not make you have to question whether you want to be with her or not. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 May 2006):
 It is wrong, so wrong that wrong isn't even the word...break up with the girl though as you sound like not very good boyfriend material if you are that bothered about something superficial as you will be doing the poor girl a favour. I have sensitive skin and a dye allergy...my hair also falls out sometimes in chunks because of a medical condition but I don't see my husband running away. What this girl needs right now is support - sure she made a mistake in using dye when she has dermatitis but hey, I pierced my belly button at 26 and ended up with an infection...we all do silly things sometimes! If you have any feelings for the poor girl at all you will point her in the direction of a doctor - particularly a dermatologist - as there maybe other reasons for her hair falling out, and her skin allergy like thyroid disease or a hormone imbalance. Even if it is just a skin disorder, she can get steroid creams and shampoos from her doctor to treat the affected areas, and she should be taking zinc supplements too to promote skin healing.
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female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Its hard to say when you have only been with this girl for 2 months now! To be honest if you really like her you should be trying to make her feel better especially if her confidence has dropped...I have a couple of friends who did this and most of them had their hair grow back. Are you only with her for her looks?
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