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female
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anonymous
writes: Ive met this man who ive met twice now, I really do like him but ive been hurt so many times by men off internet dating sites and all I want is a relationship but nothing ever develops. This particular man who does seem very interested in me,he only split up from his wife 5 months ago and he still seems very hurt by her leaving him and his kids don't talk to him at the moment either. He has written to 10 women off the internet dating but only i have replied, now i don't want to get hurt anymore, im looking for a proper relationship. What should i do about this man who I find deeply attractive and he says he wants to keep seeing me but I don't want to be a rebound then get hurt. What the best way to deal with this, Any suggestions?Thankyou.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 You have got to be careful about dating men from an internet website. I am sure there are some nice people out there in the land of internet dating, but there are a lot of not so nice too who are not afraid of preying on others vulnerabilities. It seems you have learned this lesson. There is no reason to be cynical and think it could never work but approach with caution. This guy has approached several women on the website and he is recently out of a bad marriage. He may not be looking for a proper relationship yet, or emotionally capable of it, or he might not be who he claims to be as the internet can be great for disguise. You sound lonely and it is easier to be manipulated when you want something so badly. So my advice is to take one step back, by all means make this man's acquaintance but also approach him with caution until you really know him. If it doesn't work out, you may wish to find alternative ways to meet a potential partner as I think it is sometimes easier to read people and know what they are about when you first meet them face to face rather than from behind a computer screen. I truely hope you find someone nice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): Yeah I agree with the words of Yos (again!)
It will do no harm by taking things slowly... and in fact, it is more likely the relationship could develop in to something more stronger than anything you've had before. Over time your fears and worries will clear away as you develop trust in this man. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 It sounds like you both want a relationship, but you are also both very cautious about it since you've both been hurt so much. This is very normal: failed relationships are painful, and we fear opening ourselves up to that kind of pain in the future.
I'd suggest that you take it very slowly with this man. Do not turn the relationship sexual or romantic (beyond flirting). Instead take the time to slowly build intimacy and trust. If the two of you can gradually become closer to each other, by spending time together and sharing, then, if you are right for each other, the romance will follow naturally and comfortably.
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