A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi all.i found my boyfriend texting and ringing girls behind my back i've been with him over 7 months, he's polish, i'm not and he's been living here 5 years and i've recently found out that i'm pregnant.it was a big shock but his reaction shocked me even more, he has no plans to stay here and wants me to go to the uk to abort it (abortion is illegal here)i'm upset and confused to say the least and i really don't like the idea of raising a child on my own, i would prefer the child to have a father. plus there's the financial worries and the thoughts of telling my own family who have never met him. im dreading my fathers reaction.it hurt even more when i found out that he's been planning to go home for holidays and meet that girl he's ringing behind my back.i've never been so confused in my life i have no clue what to do as both keeping or aborting the baby will be hard...i don't want any religious lectures here i'm looking for advice from people who have maybe been in similar situation? do you have any regrets?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): So he has been cheating on for quite some time, and I would not be surprised if he was cheating on other girlfriends before he met you. However, that is not the point as others have mentioned that they cannot say whether you want to keep the baby or abort it. The reason your ex has told you to abort it is that he doesn't want to take responsibility of raising a child. He is not really worth keeping around, as your ex does not have any respect for you. If he cared enough, he would not be runnning around your back with girls. This is emotionally draining, but you are gong to have to decide what you want to do. If you do choose to abort it, based on the situation you are in or not, don't do it alone. You need support through this time. Both ways will be hard, but what I can say is that if you are not ready for a child, consider if you want to keep it at all. First of all,you are right you want to have a father to raise the child, if you do decide to keep it. Think about the future or later down the road, or before the baby is born. Can I financially provide and what am I going to tell my child when he/she gets older that the dad was never around? You still have time to decide if you want to have an abortion, but the longer you wait you put yourself at risk as the pregnancy progresses. Whatever you decide, please do not do it alone. You can get through this, but think it through.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 I cannot tell you whether to continue with your pregnancy or not - that is an entirely personal decision. You can get a ferry or flight to England and arrange an NHS or private procedure if you choose. I would call Marie Stopes for some advice in your situation. If you proceed with the pregnancy, then I would treat your boyfriend as a sperm donor and nothing more. If the relationship is falling apart now because of non-commitment, infidelity etc then the stress of a baby will make it fall apart completely. He will be required to financially support this child and the child support agency will chase him to poland or wherever else he ends up. I wouldn't stay with him just to have a father around your baby. Your relationship with him is entirely different from his relationship with the baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Abortion, adoption, raising the child alone, trying to keep the father involved . . . you know the options.
I would choose an abortion in your position. It's still early and neither you nor the father are ready for a child together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): I was in a similar situation a few years back when I got pregnant with my daughter. I thought about abortion but when I went to do it I just couldnt. She was too real to me already. My family was shocked but they got over it once they had time to process the information. Being a single mom wasnt easy but was definatley worth all the struggle. I cant make the decision for you obviously, only share my stiory with you. Since you are only 2 months along, if you decide to keep the baby, you can have time to find yourself a place to stay and fnd out what programs are in that area that will help you. In most places you can get help with medical expenses, living expenses, food, and baby items. I wish you luck I know its a very hard thing to decide. If you ever need to talk just PM me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): First off, he's a right prick and I think you should just get rid of him completely, that said what he wants you to do with the baby is irrelevant, the way he's been acting he no longer has a say in the matter so don't consider his feelings at all.
Whatever you decide to do, don't do it alone and weigh the options carefully, turn to your support base for help whether that's friends or family. They know you better than anyone on this forum and they'll be able to help you work out what's best for you.
Raising a child alone is difficult but it can be done, abortion is an option too but it is also difficult, personally I couldn't go down the adoption route, I couldn't bring a child into this world and not know that they are safe and happy.
I wish you luck and hope things work out well for you.
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